After patriotism and religion, “attacking the media” is the most popular refuge of the scoundrel.

Metropolitan hot dog vendor Ahmed Mohammed is in hot water—he’s been fired after he was found to be charging tourists $30 for a hot dog. So... when are they giving him the key to the city? DeBlasio?

Something—the sneaky finger of Jesus, perhaps—seems to have taken down the web page where His Holiness Pastor Creflo A. Dollar was asking followers to give him $65 million to buy a new private jet.

You may remember Steven A. Cohen as the billionaire who just barely escaped total destruction after it became clear that his hedge fund was rife with insider trading. Now he has a new identity: paragon of business ethics!

Wealthy Jesus salesman Rick Warren cares only about helping people. Fat people, for example. How? By selling them rudimentary information in exchange for ca$$$h money.

Muggers, drunk street harassers, and violent sociopaths of all stripes are applauding the new trend of women being taught "fun" self-defense classes, rather than those downer "how to potentially save yourself from a life-threatening attack" self-defense classes that women used to take. "I firmly believe that women's self-defense classes should always be taught in a 'fun' lighthearted manner that emphasizes fellowship and hilarity over adrenaline and the ability to temporarily ignore pain," said John, a rapist. "When it comes to self-defense, why be so serious?" argued Adrian, a subway groper. "Smile, ladies—this is a party!" agreed Max, a purse snatcher.

Thomas Jane, who plays a heterosexual prostitute on HBO's Hung opened up his past as a gay hustler in his younger days to the L.A. Times. Talk about going method! Strangely enough, this is probably the first time gay men are going to get all upset about a hunky actor talking about having man-on-man action.

Paranoid crybaby Glenn Beck is leaving Fox News, but don't you worry, world's biggest suckers Glenn Beck fans: you can still get your "giving money to Glenn Beck fix," in the form of coupons, for chocolate!

Temporarily liberated Illinois ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich appeared at Chicago's Comic Con this weekend, ostensibly to play with Batmobiles, but mostly to refill his legal coffers. He was charging $50 per autograph and $80 per photo. Wouldn't you pay that much?

50-year-old Michoel Streicher, a singer who calls himself "The Michael Jackson of Jewish music" was sentenced yesterday to a year in jail for swindling a woman out of $36,000 he said he would use to buy a torah.

Thanks to Christian anti-gay activist George Rekers and his Boy Friday, Lucien, everyone is talking about male prostitutes. What should you do if you want to hire a hustler? A handy guide below!

Tokyo's struggling to "clean up" its Roppongi neighborhood, where Nigerian hustlers steer suckers into shady bars where they're drugged and robbed. You'd think that business would fall off naturally, right? But this next drink might be the un-spiked one! [LAT]

The NYPD shot and killed a CD vendor in Times Square this morning who was not only scamming tourists, but also packing a Mac-10, for chrissake. The reaction of tourists: Awesome!

The spectrum of Fake Ass Jobs extends from jobs that are totally useless and made up (branding consultants, "generational consultants") to, on the other end, jobs that sound useful, but are actually borderline-criminal scams. Hello, "Independent College Counselor"!

The fakest job corporate America ever created was "Branding Consultant"—until now. Meet Anne Loehr, a "business coach" who will (for a small fee) explain the mysteries of "Generation Y" to a corporate audience. She knows your soul, kids.

You might remember Peter Arnell from his embarrassing rebrandings of Pepsi and Tropicana, or maybe for being an evil, foot-rub demanding boss. Now the branding wizard owes HarperCollins $100,000, for sucking, at books.

Kari Ferrell: pathological liar, con artist, hipster grifter, fugitive from justice. She left quite a trail. And we're on it! Today, we have pictures, video, and stories from ex-friends and (maybe) family.

Is it possible that in the midst of a recession, companies are thinking twice about paying outrageous fees for advice from some underling hired by America's most comical Presidential campaign failure, Rudy Giuliani? It's possible.

Time to hear more about Peter Arnell! Turns out the pistol-packing 'branding' wizard truly screwed Tropicana with his (momentary) redesign of their juice cartons. He's also traumatized his employees, we hear (again):

You know how when all the water finally evaporates from your dirty, clogged sink, you get to see how many roaches were really drowned in there? That's how Wall Street is now, with frauds!