The spectrum of Fake Ass Jobs extends from jobs that are totally useless and made up (branding consultants, "generational consultants") to, on the other end, jobs that sound useful, but are actually borderline-criminal scams. Hello, "Independent College Counselor"!

Yesterday the NYT introduced us to an entire industry of motherfuckers who rip off (hopefully only) rich people by selling them advice on how to get their spawn into the breathtakingly expensive school of his or her choice.

While the going national rate for such work is about $185 an hour, a counselor in Vermont and another in New York City are among those who charge some families more than $40,000. Their packages might begin when a child is in eighth grade.

"It's annoying when people complain about the money," the Vermont-based counselor, Michele Hernandez, said. "I'm at the top of my field. Do people economize when they have a brain tumor and are looking for a neurosurgeon? If you want to go with someone cheaper, or chance it, don't hire me."

Our sincere hope that anyone hiring these people must have far, far too much disposable income already(here's a pretty modest price chart)—and the fact that these counselors inevitably steer kids towards schools that segregate wealthy lacrosse progenies from the rest of society—are the only thing keeping us from complaining more vociferously, on the internet, about their existence. Luckily for them.

Look, here is a place called "IvyWise" that offers packages costing more than $40K to, what, tell your kid to be smart? They also consult on nursery school admissions. As usual, our anger at Fake Ass Job hustlers is superseded by our envy that they thought of this first. Fuckers.
[NYT. Pic via]