Wealthy Jesus salesman Rick Warren cares only about helping people. Fat people, for example. How? By selling them rudimentary information in exchange for ca$$$h money.

Rick Warren is not a doctor. Rick Warren is not a personal trainer. Rick Warren is a goateed bigot who serves as ringmaster of a chain of megachurches. More importantly, Rick Warren knows a business opportunity when he sees one. That's why Rick Warren is selling a diet book, instead of just, you know, telling his rapt minions how to lose some weight—because Jesus never turned down a dollar.

From USA Today:

Warren was inspired to create the plan after he baptized more than 800 people one day in November 2010. After lowering more than 145,000 pounds of weight into the water, Warren says he thought, "Wow! Everybody's fat!"

Indeed. If you want a real unhealthy sugar rush, please read all about how Rick Warren is using his son's death as part of the marketing plan for his new diet book. Preordering Rick Warren's diet book: it's the least you can do to salve Rick Warren's pain over losing a child to suicide. What are you, a monster? (Yes—a fat monster.)

Instead of buying Rick Warren's diet book, eat less sugar and work out more and give that money to a poor person. Then that poor person can use the money to buy Rick Warren's diet book. Why not let someone less fortunate than you experience the thrill of lining Rick Warren's pockets for once?

It's what Jesus would have wanted.

[Photo: AP]