Feminist icon Jane Fonda used the word "cunt" on the Today Show, rather than Oprah-approved vajayjay, and the moral guardians shuddered, but with less conviction than they once summoned. Swearwords found safety in numbers: John Edwards thinks Barack Obama is a "pussy"; and the likely Republican nominee, who survived years in a prisoner-of-war camp, is a "sissy", according to Salon. In preparation for a limp-wristed political future, 24 dumped its torture-loving creator. Sissy: not something one could say about Hayden Christensen, star of Doug Liman's new science-fiction movie, Jumper: he manfully squired co-star Rachel Bilson round Manhattan to establish his heterosexual credentials, but not so conclusively that female or gay fans would think him unavailable. (Amazingly, Madonna's new movie got better reviews.) Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman took the opposite tack, playing to male sapphic fantasies on the cover of W to promote their new movie, The Other Boleyn Sister. (We thought Scarjo looked more like a Slovak model.) Talking of pseudo-siblings, Julia Allison's 17-year-old "adopted" little sister, with whom the Star magazine talking head enjoyed posing, hooked up with Men's Vogue cad, Hud Morgan. There's a diagram. Even more complicated: the relationship between fashion designer Marc Jacobs, his boyfriend, and the gay porn star they've adopted. The New York Times adapted to these shallow times by splashing a game show, Deal or No Deal, across the front of its Arts section. But this belated populist appeal wasn't enough to staunch the loss of readers, and advertising: the Gray Lady is joining the Los Angeles Times and most every other newspaper in the US in cutting newsroom jobs. For these stories, and more, here's one page with the week's top stories. (Or just click on any of the names listed, above.)

What was it they said about Nixon's fall, in the aftermath of the Watergate break-in? It's always the cover-up that gets you. A mildly embarrassing photograph of Hud Morgan in a poncy red scarf, which his boss didn't like, surfaced on the blogs. And word was bound to get out of the 28-year-old Men's Vogue writer's liaison with 17-year-old Leven Rambin from All My Children. Not a big deal, until the thin-skinned gossip columnist very publicly berated his snap-happy blogger friend, Julia Allison, at the Beatrice Inn; and vaguely threatened a former colleague at the Daily News for exposing the affair with the barely legal actress. Something about the item coming back to haunt him. George Rush, from the New York tabloid, is unlikely to be much disturbed. Fruitini-loving Morgan used to fetch for Lloyd Grove, Rush's overpaid internal rival. The column, Rush & Molloy, has just updated its item with new details, of one of Leven's other older admirers, this one much older, whom she had to bar from her apartment building.

Who needs Gossip Girl? Manhattan's real-life dramas are so much more intricate, petty, and intertwined. Publicity whore Julia used to date Jake, Barry's former toyboy, who was bipolar, which might explain why he dated jailbait Leven, who was friends with Britney's younger sister, who's pregnant. Leven now sees Hud, though he once shared a bed with perfume promoter Alan, who's married (to a man!); Hud looks increasingly like his former boss, Lloyd, who introduced him to Julia when the dating columnist and TV commentator moved to New York. Bad move: Julia published a photo of him in a red scarf, looking Lloyd-like, and now Hud's pissed: he yelled at her at the Beatrice, even though pretty-boy Fabian and Chloë were there. (Wasn't she in some movies?) Sooo embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as Julia totally stealing Chloë's red dress (not nearly as nice as the ones designed by Barry's beard, Diane) for Valentine's Day. Or when Emily, Julia's new best friend, hinted that Josh was a premature ejaculator; he certainly got revenge. CLICK FOR CHART »

Hud Morgan's budding relationship with Leven Rambin provokes several responses: admiration, that the Men's Vogue writer, can land women as young and beautiful as the blonde actress from All My Children; disapproval, because Rambin, the "adopted" little sister of Star magazine talking head, Julia Allison, is just 17 years old; but mainly amazement, because fruitini-loving Morgan (right) is the most sexually ambiguous ladies' man in Manhattan. Evidence? Try this, from the former gossip columnist's first journalism gig, at Stanford University in 2001, explaining his desire to be reincarnated as a water polo player. "Watching our water polo team play is a lesson in Arian-erotica sport; a Sparticus meets Seaworld, as we, the pasty plebian spectators champion our heroes who wear the armor of a glistening tan." After the jump, a picture Hud might like.

Julia Allison may have finally met her match. The Star magazine talking head was seen in tears last night at Tara Subkoff's party at low-ceilinged downtown club, the Beatrice Inn. (Party photographs are on Getty Images.) Allison is pretty thick-skinned, her ambition undimmed by the abuse she's received from blogs and former boyfriends. But other party-goers, who included maybe-gay socialite Fabian Basabe, saw her traumatized by a half-hour lecture from Hud Morgan. The belligerent Men's Vogue writer accused the "craven self-promoter" of dragging other people into her bad press. The talking bosom's plaintive response? "I'm a dating columnist. It's what I do. People don't give Candice Bushnell a hard time. Why is everyone so mean to me?!" Why, indeed? (The answers, which include a red scarf, and teen starlet Leven Rambin, after the jump.)

[TV pundit Julia Allison with Mens Vogue editor Hud Morgan (who Julia says is doing his best "Blue Steel"), at the premiere party for the new television show Lipstick Jungle, last night in New York. More photos here]

Men's Vogue fella Hud Morgan is finally reporting in from somewhere as WASPy as his name: Murray's, on Nantucket's Main Street, where the pale people buy those heinous Nantucket Reds. But bad news!

Who's behind the barely literate yet endlessly compelling socialite PR organ cum bitchy LiveJournal that is Socialite Rank? It's become this weird question that everyone keeps asking and no one ever answers. But in anticipation of SR themed expos s in Vanity Fair and New York, not to mention SR's big "announcement" next week, Radar's Sarah Horne has created a poll where you can vote for your favorite suspect. Genius! Crazy genius, in fact, because after dispatching the usual suspects (Lauren Davis, Derek Blasberg, Peter Davis, etc), Radar fingers (ew!) Tina Brown and Harry Evans, among other extreme wild cards. We're voting for Russian fashion writers Olga and Valentine Rei, mostly because it makes total sense to assume that SR isn't written by native English speakers ("It's all leading up to the few crowing events during the next few weeks," reads a recent post). But then there's this analysis of why the poison-pen blogger isn't gossip boy made good Hud Morgan: "His grasp on the English language is somewhat more evolved than whoever pens SR." Actually, maybe SR is Radar's Sarah Horne!

The significance of holding last night's party to celebrate the New York Observer and its new website at the Four Seasons restaurant was intentional, obvious, and not at all lost on anyone. Despite its recent Frank Bruni demotion to two New York Times stars, the restaurant remains the symbolic and probably actual center of New York old-guard media power. After so many years of playing gadfly to the media, politics, and real estate elite of this city, the Observer and its boy-owner and his advisers chose to make a very specific sort of statement.

The author needed to meet some very important person from the world of publishing, and his tightly-wound editor let him know it by waving frantically and then physically dragging him over to the corner of the bar. Dana Vachon had been born wealthy and healthy and handsome and he was right to view himself as entirely blessed, especially considering that his first novel, Mergers & Acquisitions had already gone to a second printing that very day. No one wore costumes on the night of his book party at Felix, that Eurotrash magnet on West Broadway, but there was no need for costumes to have a masque ball. Everyone knew their role and played it.

It wasn't just Henry the Intern looking foxy at Arianna Huffington's party on Friday night. Men's Vogue fella Hud Morgan was there, too, in a blue blazer, a french cuffed gingham shirt, Nantucket red trousers and a pair of velvet monogrammed slippers. (Sockless, of course.) Mr. Morgan said the shoes "had soles that cost more than your entire closet" but later recanted, because of course he got them for free. (And: was this a "Kennedy clambake in Hyannisport"? one attendee wondered. We just wonder if he can't mate up with similarly-fashioned Dana Vachon. Think of the mix-and-match outfits they could create! It's like preppy Grranimals.) In any event, Mr. Morgan, for some reason, decided to steal former AM NY dating columnist Julia Allison's cellphone.

Despite other instances of lamery (new word!), Radar reports (with major research on PatrickMcMullan.com) on quite the swagfest: last week, eighty of the city's most important arbiters of snobbery were invited on an all-expense-paid trip to Istanbul to celebrate a Turkish department store's collaboration with fashion darling Zac Posen. Guests included Rufus Albemarle, Paz de la Huerta, Isabella Blow, Padma Lakshmi, Amy Sacco — you know, the usual Saturday night board-game crew. The gang enjoyed the requisite yacht time, black-tie dining, performance from Dita von Teese, and perhaps some skinny-dipping and swinging.

And the extra dosage: Feel Hud's pain as he is ruthlessly mocked by Grove and EIC Michael Cooke for wearing flip-flops. Bonus mockery when Grove brings up Cooke's rumored foot fetish.

Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Tabloid Wars

Not being particularly fluent in ratings gibberish, we can at least tell you that P+2 is the important part in the above television ratings chart: it represents persons 2-years-old and up (all viewers, basically). Thus for the Monday night debut of Bravo's Daily News docu-whatever Tabloid Wars, only 240,000 people tuned in — and that's an absolute tragedy. We expected better, really. Does this mean that no one outside of New York cares about the inner workings of our local media? What, like we're living in some kind of bubble? No way. The adorable allure of deputy metro lovemonkey Greg Gittrich is universal.

• If there were a lesbian tryst that no one in the world would ever want to imagine, it'd involve the ladies of The View. Nevertheless, they'll push the issue while they can, as once Rosie O'Donnell shows up as resident bulldyke, the lesbo jokes will have to stop. God forbid O'Donnell took them seriously on the matter. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• But if Rosie wants a shot at Oprah, why not? The lady doth protest too much on the matter of Gayle King, after all. [TMZ]
• Leonardo DiCaprio helps the cripples see Madonna. As your heart melts, allow us to salute his publicist Ken Sunshine for this impeccable placement. Flawless execution! Bravo! [Page Six]
• If you look like crap, rest assured that Kirsten Dunst will let you know. Even if you're a complete stranger. [R&M (bottom of page)]
• Miss Puerto Rico Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza faints 40 minutes after being crowned Miss Universe. Doctors blame her tight dress and heavy, calcified breasts. [Us Weekly]
• So Linda Evangelista may have been artificially inseminated — honestly, who the hell cares? It's 2006, find us a pregnancy that didn't involve a petri dish. [Page Six]
• In its own review of Tabloid Wars, the News just can't resist poking at former-stringer Hud Morgan. [NYDN]

Tonight's the night you've been waiting for: at 9 PM, Bravo will unveil its riveting Daily News docu-series, Tabloid Wars. Much has been made of the appearance of gossipista Lloyd Grove's then-fluffer Hud Morgan (who has since fled to Men's Vogue), a lad whose wit and wisdom elevates the show to Emmy-worthy levels. Like manna from heaven, we've been blessed with a clip of Hud doing what he does best: covering a party, during which he asks a woman, "Can you get me a beer, because I'm such a man?" (Bet that goes over swimmingly at Conde.) As for actual gossip reporting, when Adrian Grenier tells Hud to do something that contributes to the greater good, our man gets philosophical and asks, "Why?" Indeed, dude. Indeed.

Tabloid Wars, Bravo's six-episode docu-series on the news machine that is the Daily News, debuts next Monday, making for some enjoyable coverage today. New York magazine declares that, unsurprisingly, news reporters are more interesting than gossip monkeys; even better, John Leonard writes, "Lloyd Grove's brief appearance suggests a surprising magnitude of jerk. And Grove's legman last summer, Hudson Morgan, has already gone where he belongs (Men's Vogue)."