Deplorable news from our nation's child warehouse system: kids these days are being sexually harassed, by kids these days. Kids these days! Sometimes we seriously consider carpet bombing to be our best adolescent behavior management strategy.

Although scientists tell us that women are just as smart and capable as men, women still hold far fewer top corporate jobs than their ball-having counterparts. The reason? Probably something women are doing wrong. Allow us to help.

Starting on Tuesday, cell phones will get reception at six subway stations on 14th Street, thereby ending the sweet, sweet silence on NYC's platforms. But just because you can use your phone doesn't mean you should. Here are some rules.

It's a sad inevitability. No matter how hard you try, how accurately you plan, how much you control what you eat, it's going to happen at some point: you will have to poop at work. It's where the biological meets the professional and it's always, pardon the expression, a shit show. Let's try to make it easier, shall we?

Sometimes—as freedom fighters from George Washington to Che Guevara would affirm—the words and deeds of a person become so intolerable the it becomes necessary to write a scathing takedown of them, on the internet. This is our world.

What's the main problem with the American economy? You, okay? You, and people like you. As an average drone, your job is very simple: you go to work, you make money, and then you spend all of that money on consumer products. Repeat until dead. But you can't even get that right.

As long as there have been celebrities, there have been celebrities getting arrested, and as long as there have been celebrities getting arrested, there have been celebrity mugshots. But what can we learn from them?

The stock market is bananas. Why bother? There are plenty of other places to put your money. Which type of investment is right for you?

Ron Gordon, a retired teacher from Redwood City, California, says we should celebrate today, 07/09/11, as "Odd Day," because it's "one of only six dates this century that features three consecutive odd numbers." He's even set up a website and a prize-money contest to celebrate.

Thomas Dunikowski of Marine Park, Brooklyn, has become a folk hero of sorts among the "I really loved that movie Falling Down" demographic for leaning out of his window with a rifle and opening fire on a group of rowdy teenagers who were raising a ruckus outside his house. (See "purported" video of the shooting here.) Completely unnecessary! It is, in fact, possible to deal with the depths of teen awfulness without resorting to gunshots.

Most of us are decent people, but that doesn't mean we're perfect. Speeding tickets, bad credit, overdraft fees: We've all been there at some point in the past. Here's how to get out of trouble unscathed. [Lifehacker]

Philippe Reines (pictured, at left) is Hillary Clinton's longtime adviser/ flack/ purse-toter. He's an inveterate gossip-spreader, self-promoter, and berater of reporters on behalf of his boss. And he loves to be recognized for his work! So the fact that Reines is profiled in the Washington Post today is not a surprise. What is a surprise: after all these years, Reines still has no idea how to not come off like an asshole.

The most disappointing thing about Weinergate is the dick pic that Anthony Weiner may or may not have posted to Twitter. That thing was sad! But we're here to show you—er, explain—how it's done.

If you're a member of the media—and aren't we all, thanks to [platitude about Twitter]?—chances are that you're going to be the subject of some "media criticism" sooner or later. Will you let it destroy you? Why? Handling it like a pro is surprisingly easy!

A new study shows that Americans work 8.5 hours a day. The eight-hour work day is a fiction!

It's April 1st, the day when every office jokester and petty prankster thinks up some gags at your expense that they think will be hilarious. Well, not this year, jackass. Here's a guide on how not to fall for anything.

"I am attune to a more celestial level then is present" equals "oh my god," according to this video that will teach you how to speak body language and succeed at every social interaction. Watch and learn, folks.

Over indulging in booze and stuffing your face right before bedtime go hand in hand. Join Hannah while she makes some yummy mac n cheese with a couple of secret ingredients.

Using only some string and a hammer, watch as gravity and other complicated scientific concepts make it possible for a ruler to balance on the very edge of this table! Now go impress your friends.

Interested in a career in graffiti? This how-to video carefully illustrates how to pick a successful code name, how to hone your craft, and where to gather inspiration.