Your favorite hot sauce is safe, for now: Perhaps motivated by Texas's meddling, the Irwindale, Ca. City Council voted unanimously Wednesday night to dismiss a lawsuit and public nuisance declaration against Huy Fong Foods, maker of the beloved Sriracha hot sauce.

Bad news if you like shitty hot sauce: On Wednesday, the Irwindale City Council declared the factory that produces Sriracha a public nuisance. The factory now has 90 days to find a way to stop the odor, which residents say burns their eyes and throats, causing heartburn, nose bleeds, and inflamed asthma.

Time to start hoarding: A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has ordered a Sriracha plant to partially shutdown in response to a lawsuit filed last month by the city of Irwindale. Judge Robert H. O'Brien said odors emanating from the factory appear to be "extremely annoying, irritating and offensive to the senses warranting consideration as a public nuisance."

Some advice: If you decide to spike your high school cafeteria's stash of marinara with hot sauce, make sure the hot sauce isn't the same strength as US law-enforcement-grade pepper spray. Unfortunately for the cafeteria staff at Chicago's Highland Park High School, that's just what one student decided to do during an ill-fated prank last month.

Well here's a story that is bad from every angle; a multi-faceted diamond of misery.

Getting home with your big bag of Taco Bell only to find that the guy behind the counter forgot your "Border Sauce"—we've all been there, right? The thing is, most of us probably didn't go back to the Bell with a shotgun.

"What about the physical effects of hot-sauce-laced sperm in a woman's vagina?...if thousands or millions of totally uninformed young men go around putting hot sauce in condoms, who is to blame?" [Cary Tennis, naturally]