If you feared that your hero, the $30 hot dog guy, had been defeated by the forces of Mayor Lex “Bill DeBlasio” Luthor, dry your tears. Although Ahmed Mohammed lost his job selling $30 wieners and priceless life lessons (same thing) to tourists near Ground Zero, a new hero has risen to take his place.

Metropolitan hot dog vendor Ahmed Mohammed is in hot water—he’s been fired after he was found to be charging tourists $30 for a hot dog. So... when are they giving him the key to the city? DeBlasio?

“Hey, buddy! Hey, yeah—you! You wanna hot dog? I got some fresh water hot dogs ready for the guzzling. Some fresh New York City water dogs, all boiled in dirty water. This one’s on me—just kidding, what do I look like, some kind of dirtbag? That’ll be $30. No refunds.”

Today is National Hot Dog Day! Unfortunately, the president of the National Pork Producers Council is unavailable to celebrate, since he was arrested this afternoon in Washington trying to enter a Capitol complex office with his unlicensed 9mm pistol. He's probably being grilled by police.

The Fourth of July turned from fun to tragedy in Custer, South Dakota when a man participating in a hot dog eating contest choked to death. Walter Eagle Tail, age 47, lost consciousness during the competition and could not be revived when he was taken to the hospital.

Joey Chestnut, a man who is very good at eating hot dogs very quickly, won his eighth Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest today. Just before he downed 61 hot dogs in 10 minutes, he proposed to his longtime girlfriend, Neslie Ricasa, who said yes. Their engagement story is now: "We got engaged at a Coney Island hot dog-eating contest." Theirs is the truest of loves.

Jeb Lund, the friend of Gawker also known as Mobute, has posted an Independence Day-related meditation on the sandwichness of hot dogs at that most American of publications, The Guardian. Lund arrives at the right conclusion for the wrong reasons. Here is why hot dogs are sandwiches.

Kraft, owner of hot dog giant and personal friend of mine Oscar Mayer, has recalled 96,000 pounds of Oscar Mayer Classic Wieners because they weren't plain wieners. They were different wieners—stuffed with cheese.

You may click here to read a news story about the results of a hot dog eating contest between advertising agency employees.

What do you do to something you love? Give it hot dogs and beer, right? Wrong, guys, if that something is a dolphin.

Today, competitive eaters and heartburn enthusiasts competed in Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog-Eating Contest, a tradition that has been going strong since 1916.

The New York Post reports that a 45-year-old Long Island woman was arrested last week for selling hot dogs and handjobs out of a camper on the side of the road. It was the second time Catherine Scalia had been arrested for selling hot dogs and handjobs out of a camper on the side of the road.

You know what season this is? It's hot dog season. Winter's over, baseball's spring training has begun, and people are wearing shorts again. Here in New York, it is time for hot dogs.

On the morning of September 2, Council Bluffs, Iowa residents became concerned. Concerned about the strange man who was lurking across from the school bus stop on Benton Street, dressed as a hot dog. The police arrived. And were SHOCKED.

The bad news: just because those American Spirit cigarettes you're smoking are self-proclaimed "eco-friendly" does not mean that they won't turn your alveoli into tiny tar-filled tunnels of death. The worse news: cigarettes could be as bad for you as hot dogs. Damn.

Last Fourth of July, carnivorous dock worker Nolan Koewler got a bit more independence than he bargained for when his employer, Dillard's department store, fired him for eating two hot dogs left over from an employee picnic. Then Dillard's tried to deny him unemployment!

On Monday, it seemed that the bad boy of competitive eating, former world champion Takeru Kobayashi had unofficially reclaimed his crown as the world's greatest eater of hot dogs when he bested nemesis Joey Chestnut at an alternate event in Manhattan. But video of Kobayashi's event proves otherwise.

Takeru Kobayashi, who refuses to sign an exclusive contract with "Major League Eating," set a world hot dog eating record (at an independent event) by consuming 69 in ten minutes. Joey Chestnut won the official Nathan's contest with 62. [NYDN]

Another Anthony Weiner picture has emerged! A tipster writes:

Papaya King, the red and orange hot dog emporium that has been adding heartburn to Manhattanites' hangovers for decades, finally opened a branch in Los Angeles. So far there are lines out the block for the New York chain's famous hot dogs. Does this mean we're finally going to get an In 'N' Out Burger?