Operation Uphold Democracy: Haiti, 1994-95.

Glenn Grothman, a Wisconsin state senator since 2005, proclaimed in a press release late last week that Kwanzaa, the holiday designed to give blacks their own Christmas and Hanukkah equivalent, is nothing but a left-wing scam to divide blacks and whites. Because what better way to begin the new year than with some good and very old fashioned race baiting? Here's an excerpt from Grothman's release:

Merry Christmas! Come circle 'round the Gawker Yule Log GIF and complain about your family in the comfort of its looping digital glow. Happy Holidays, everyone.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Every December, thousands of people convince themselves that, because they have been to a holiday party, they are capable of hosting a holiday party.

McDonald's, a machine for turning cow fat into money, is really into America, Christmas, Kwanzaa, holidays, whatever the fuck, assuming those holidays are celebrated at a McDonald's restaurant, or sitting in a parked car in a McDonald's parking lot, forcing down McDonald's food as tears stream down your face. All you have to do is to look at McDonald's advertisements to realize that McDonald's has the utmost respect for family, togetherness, happiness, America, freedom, blah blah buy some french fries. McDonald's would open a location at your mother's funeral if it thought it could sell one additional Filet-O-Fish.

What would you ask Santa if you were a fourth-grader? What if you'd never written to him before, because you're Muslim? There's some things you'd want to clear up, right? Things like... how. This kid did a pretty good job, though:

It only takes a minute to send a holiday message to a prisoner who has survived sexual abuse. The karma lasts all day.

Random House, the publisher of Fifty Shades of Grey and (every other fact is irrelevant), announced at its holiday party last night that every American employee—thousands of them, anyone who's been with company for a year—will be getting a $5,000 Christmas bonus. "The cheering went on for minutes," says the NYT.

Here is the IFC Network Press Team's official holiday card. Note that it is signed by hand by all four members of the IFC Press Team. Now, imagine how many hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of stupid identical holiday cards the IFC Press Team has to send out, the vast majority of them to random reporters the IFC Press Team does not even know or like. Imagine how many hours the IFC Press Team has to spend, sitting around a small table, signing their names to card after card after card, the vast majority of which will be tossed into the trash with little more than a moment's glance from their recipient. And, further, consider the fact that at least the IFC Press Team gets to write their hundreds and hundreds of useless, unwanted Holiday Cards to a more interesting list of recipients than most of their PR industry peers, who are forced to sign hundreds and hundreds of their own unwanted Holiday Cards and mail them to lists of finance professionals, or sporting goods store owners, or auto dealership managers, or floor wax salesman. Or clients. Consider having to write these god damn cards to hundreds of your asshole clients. And then being forced to attend your clients' holiday parties. Consider that.

In the words of Margaret Cho, you got a cool mommy. In the words of RuPaul, so don't fuck it up. Some of the best answers from last week's post about gifts for cool parents are below:

Last week, we asked you how you reconcile the precarious position of having to buy a gift for someone you hate. This was a joke question that brought out a lot of truth, which was nice. Thank you for sharing your stories and suggestions. I do not hate you for that and would buy you a straightforwardly nice gift if I knew you. Our favorites are below.

Last week we asked for your suggestions of what "books" (i.e. ancient Kindles made of wood pulp and ink and with the capacity to store only one title) to get your loved ones for Christmas. Here are some of your suggestions.

It's the holidays, and what better way to celebrate than with heartwarming stories about the power of familial love? Like this one, about the father who sent his three adult children a long letter expressing his "bitter disappointment" and listing the many "copulation-driven" things that they had done wrong in life. Talk about Christmas cheer!

Last week, we asked you what to buy for those members of the "Millennial" generation who ironically hate everything. Remember? Sure you do. Well then: here are five good ideas. Buy them or not, whatever. Everything sucks.

Tomorrow is Monday, but not just any regular old Monday, it's Cyber Monday. No that's not a Monday to spend all day at work cyber sexing with strangers on the Internet. Did you really think that's what it was? Ugh, explaining the Internet is so hard.

The day after Thanksgiving is the traditional start to the Christmas season, when celebrants everywhere put up traditional Christmas decorations, sing traditional Christmas carols, and hunker down for the yearly reading of the traditional incest-themed fan fiction based on a two-minute Folger's commercial.

It's Thanksgiving, and you promised your friends and family that you'd cook something. But in preparation for seeing your friends and family, you've already started to drink. A lot. No worries — we've got five great recipes designed for the already drunk.

This upcoming Thanksgiving week will be a long one and difficult, although hopefully it will not be without its bright spots for each of you. Some things you must resign yourself to now: you will almost certainly end up purchasing your own weight in electronics on Black Friday, if not being used as part of a human battering ram to entire the local big box store at 2:00am. You will do so knowing that the person selling you these electronics has probably been forced to sell his or her children as indentured servants to Wal-Mart in exchange for a bathroom break.

What do you buy for the moderately youthful but maximally picky millennials in your life, besides a bowl of cool soup and one-way ticket to The Real World, and I ain't talking about some TV show? Put your thoughts in the discussion section. Together, we will solve this awful problem.