Metropolitan hot dog vendor Ahmed Mohammed is in hot water—he’s been fired after he was found to be charging tourists $30 for a hot dog. So... when are they giving him the key to the city? DeBlasio?

A Wyoming man who had a diabetic emergency while driving this weekend found an unlikely savior in famed harmonizer Layzie Bone, who came to the man’s aid and successfully revived him using chocolate and fruit, The NY Daily News reports.

UPDATE 2:45 p.m.: According to the San Antonio Express-News, Josh Lewis denies his boss’s version of events, saying the attacker stole his car with the pizzas in it and he did not complete his delivery. Our assessment of Lewis (who was stuck with “a huge dagger” in the line of duty) as a pizza hero stands.

A New York commuter is alive today after climbing off of the subway tracks just before an incoming 6 train would have struck and smashed him. No thanks to anyone but himself.

New Jersey, a state known for its equal number of local heroes, sheroes, and zeroes, has gained itself another member of the boss-applesauce community when a councilwoman from Mahwah flipped two middle fingers to the mayor of her town, calling him a "piece of shit" at a council meeting. Now that's how to get things done.

A teen dressed in a white lab coat allegedly convinced employees at a Florida hospital that he was a doctor for a full month before a suspicious patient alerted authorities.

Except for a few hedge fund guys, no one had a better 2014 than French economist Thomas Piketty, who managed the once-in-a-century trick of writing an economics book that became a best seller and made Thomas Piketty, French economist, "cool." How hard is Thomas Piketty balling right now?

A Brooklyn deli worker fought off a masked gunman who attempted to rob his store last weekend, then promptly quit his job. He is the best employee in America.

A Keystone Heights, Fla. couple turned themselves in to Clay County police earlier this week after allegedly forging documents to live in their $1.4 million, 7,000-square foot "home." The couple's ruse was exposed when the home's new, actual owners discovered people were already living in their house.

Richard Cohen is a dotty old racist newspaper columnist with the Washington Post and one of the worst professional opinion writers in America. More importantly: he's a man. A real man.

This video has become popular today as a short vignette about how cats are selfish and malicious and constantly interrupting your Important Human Business. Slice of life, right? We can all relate to those wacky cats! They’re annoying as hell, but we love ‘em anyway.

Svitlana Sangary is in danger of having her California State Bar license suspended following accusations that she posted a series of fake photos of herself posing with celebrities and public officials—including Barack Obama, Kim Kardashian, the Clintons, George Clooney, and Donald Trump—to her professional website. The photos were apparently Photoshopped, and they're pretty good!

A pregnant woman was putting her groceries into her car in the parking lot of a Kroger's in Flint, Mich. when Mark Newton, 30, ran up and snatched her purse. According to police, the woman, nine months pregnant, chased after the thief, who pushed her to the ground. That's when two good Samaritans stepped in, who were able to take back the woman's purse.

Austin Michael Symonds, an 18-year-old employee of a Papa Murphy's pizzeria in Georgetown, Texas, was arrested by police last week after he was allegedly caught by a customer rubbing his scrotum on a pizza order. According to the arrest warrant obtained by the Austin American-Statesman, the customer confronted the teen, asking him his age and then, "So you are old enough to know better than to put your balls on someone's pizza?" Symonds responded by saying, "Yes," before apparently telling the customer, "Man, I am really sorry, that was stupid."

Months after an escaped steer was shot and killed in the streets of Baltimore, another freedom-seeking bovine died a hero's death in Germany. The cow, later nicknamed Bavaria, fled a Munich slaughterhouse Tuesday and went on a wild rampage through the city, leading police on a high-speed chase towards Oktoberfest and goring a jogger before finally being put down.

A teenager with an apparent affinity for Great Value products and fluorescent lighting built "secret compounds" inside a Walmart store in Coriscana, Texas, living there for two-and-a-half days. The 14-year-old was so determined to not be discovered and stay in the store, he reportedly wore diapers. A trail of trash eventually led to the teen being discovered by store employees.

Last weekend, 20-year-old James Taylor became a minor internet celebrity after his local news interview about hosting "West Michigan's biggest rave" went viral. But the true star of the Fox 17 segment was the passed out kid the cameraman panned to as Taylor described the party. That kid, later identified as 27-year-old Ray Hulin, spoke to Vocativ about his new-found fame earlier this week. "They made it look like I don't know how to handle my shit," Hulin said. "I've been way more fucked up before and was able to keep my composure."

Marilyn Hartman, described by authorities as a "serial stowaway," was arrested by police at Los Angeles International Airport for the second time this week after allegedly trying to sneak onto a flight. Hartman has been arrested by police seven times this year for making similar attempts at SFO.