Ex-Pizza Hut president and savior Mike Rawlings became top chef of Dallas on Saturday, because pizza-oriented politicians are trendy these days. Rawlings, who's also been a czar of homelessness, beat a former police chief. [Image via AP.]

Tonight in New Hampshire, seven Republican candidates for president in 2012—including Michele Bachmann who just announced her candidacy—shared the stage for the primary season's first debate. The showdown was moderated by CNN's John King, who asked tough questions like "American Idol or Dancing with the Stars?"

Former pizza mogul and current GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain told CBS yesterday that it's "ridiculous" to call Tea Party Patriots racists. You can blame a few bad apples who make racist signs and say racist things and email racist pictures maybe, but don't paint the entire "movement" with the same brush, ok? The Tea Party is all-inclusive:

You all are proud passengers aboard the Herman Cain Train, yes? It's basically a cake-walk for the Republican presidential candidate, at this point, to win the presidency by 100 percentage points. So now we should only bother ourselves with what he'll do when he's in the Oval Office. And apparently he won't sign any bills longer than three pages.

Former Godfather's Pizza CEO Herman Cain is doing just well enough in the polls, now, to afford a country music video for his presidential campaign. Look at all of the white conservatives here, trying to show how not-racist they are. They will ride the "Herman Cain Train" with Herman Cain, sure! No problems with that! Race is but a social construct!

The underdog at the top put on his special rapture glasses and announced his campaign bid to 10,000—or was it 15,000?—of his closest friends in Atlanta, spreading the message of "shucky ducky" and showering the crowd with love. He also says he's that he's not running for "second," but fourth.

Fox News held a focus group of South Carolina Republican voters immediately after last night's chilling debate between Tim Pawlenty and several third-tier candidates. The group had two nearly unanimous opinions.

Five Republicans — Herman Cain, Tim Pawlenty, Rick Santorum, Gary Johnson, and Ron Paul — are debating political stuff in South Carolina at tonight's First Republican Presidential Debate. Where are the "good candidates," you ask? They're busy, doing anything else. But that's no matter; The Pizza Man and Anal Leakage don't need Mitt Romney's help to put on a show. Let's record all the slaps in this Palmetto Punchout, right here. Turn on the Fox News Channel, now!

How do you pick which Republican presidential candidate to support? They all say they hate Sharia law—but they'd probably all immediately hire al Qaeda members upon being elected to office. All of them—except for Herman Cain.

The Republicans' slow limp towards the 2012 election will attempt another lunge forward today in Iowa, as some of the declared, half-declared, and likely future declarers meet for their first candidates' forum. While it's exciting that they'll be in the same physical location in an actual early battleground state, though, it's unclear how much interaction they'll have.

Do you know who Herman Cain is? It's okay, because no one else really does either. But he might be running for president! And he has some serious qualifications: Cain used to run the Godfather's Pizza chain. Mmm. And if that doesn't tempt your taste buds, the AP has some more info on this mysterious pizza man:

Yesterday, we noted that no Republican candidates had joined the 2012 presidential race, even though many did by this stage in the last cycle. But today someone formed an exploratory committee! He's Herman Cain. Who the hell is Herman Cain?