Whose blacks are the best blacks? Ann Coulter knows: "Our blacks are so much better than their blacks," she tells Sean Hannity while discussing Herman Cain and the sexual harassment allegations he's facing. "Our," of course, being conservatives (and not, say, the Coulter family); "their," meanwhile, referring to liberals. And why bother even paying attention to boring old Ann Coulter? Because she has the best blacks. Duh.

The biggest question coming out of Politico's hot potato of a story about Herman Cain's supposed history of sexually harassing employees was, you know, what did he do?

Herman Cain's big appearance at the National Press Club today went... well who knows! Questions still linger about his alleged sexy talk with employees back in the day. But what do serious allegations of sexual harassment from multiple women who were eventually paid off really mean, when you've got a solid singing voice?

Good news for Herman Cain: He's come up with a better response to that question about whether he's ever been accused of sexual harassment than asking the reporter the same question! Bad news: His new answer is yes.

Bumbling Republican frontrunner Herman Cain barely had a moment to enjoy a celebratory gust of second-hand smoke after squeezing ahead of the pack at the Iowa caucuses when Politico detonated a giant stink-bomb of an exclusive: Two women who had worked with Cain when he headed the National Restaurant Association in the '90s complained to co-workers and senior association officials of "inappropriate" and "sexually suggestive" behavior directed at them by Cain.

Just because Herman Cain '12 made an ad featuring chief of staff Mark Block as some kind of kooky, hatless Marlboro Man does not mean that you should start smoking, or that smoking will make you look like a suave campaign operative, or any such thing. No, the takeway of that commercial was this: "let people be people," and also (and more importantly?) "Mark Block smokes."

The Jon Huntsman 2012 campaign is leveraging three of his daughters in a bold attempt to win over the youthful YouTube Parody Watcher vote! These gals have been quietly tweeting jokes about the other candidates for some time now as @Jon2012girls. And now they've made a parody of Herman Cain's chief of staff smoking ad, in which they blow bubbles instead.

We're at the point in the presidential campaign where Herman Cain was supposed to be dropping out and having a nice, leisurely tour to promote his latest motivational book. And yet here he is having to give, and screw up, all of these national media interviews all the time, as the frontrunner. Some "supporters" those supporters are, giving him all of this support! It's time to "slow down," says his campaign.

The Texas Tea Party Patriots, using what must be an alternative pricing model, will charge $200 for general admission to its upcoming "modified Lincoln-Douglas style debate" between Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain.

When you stop to consider the sheer amount of ink spilled over one oddly placed cigarette drag, one shudders to think what the Herman Cain parsers would make of this: In "He Carried Yellow Flowers" — a Western that feels like a porn conceived after a four-day meth binge, minus the sex scenes — movie star "Nick Searcy" (he's big in Guam) punches an African-American liberal in the face, then steps off the set to address us on why we should vote for Cain. Then the creepy smiling Cain pops in, just to remind us of who the crackpot is who endorsed this message. It's not just that it's so crazy — it's that the craziness is so pathetically executed. (But it's mainly that it's so crazy.) [thehermancain/YouTube via BoingBoing]

Herman Cain released an inexplicable campaign ad on Monday featuring his chief of staff smoking a cigarette. But unlike everyone else, Stephen Colbert didn't spend much time on tonight's Report trying to analyze the ad, opting instead to parody it with the three even more extreme versions.

What a great comedy ad that Herman Cain's campaign released yesterday, right? It's heartwarming to see one of these old, grizzled campaign hands, in this case chief of staff Mark Block, finally getting in front of the camera in his own element: Smoking a cigarette outside some building. Then there's terrible music, Herman Cain gradually smiling over the course of 10 seconds, the works. It's strange and exciting, effectiveness aside! And yet the image of this man smoking left many political writers somewhere between confused and horrified. What does the cigarette "mean"? It's today's hot topic.

Here's a brand new Herman Cain campaign ad, starring chief of staff Mark Block, that was just posted, unlisted, to his official YouTube channel. As far as we can tell, Block is drunk, and outside an Olive Garden? And the cameraman is some guy with an iPhone, also drunk, whom Block met at the bar? But, really, the horrible panning and cheap tilt-shift filter are nothing compared to what happens at the 40-second mark. Just trust us on this one, okay? We told you the guy was stupid! [via @pourmecoffee]

That's all you need to know, folks! He's not confused, or glib, or uninterested. He's stupid. Like Forest Gump. Or Sarah Palin. He doesn't understand the things that he says. We can't all be smart, or even average. And Herman Cain isn't.

Newt Gingrich has often expressed his desire, were he to win the Republican nomination, to debate President Obama in seven three-hour "Lincoln-Douglas style debates." These area not likely to happen, for several reasons. But Gingrich has convinced Herman Cain to debate him next month in a "modified Lincoln–Douglas debate," the modification being, what... that they both argue the pro-slavery position? Hmm.

Herman Cain is incredibly pro-life and doesn't personally believe that it should be allowed in special cases like rape or incest. And yet his attempts to soften the edges of this rigid position are creating, for him, a miserable self-induced error that Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum are loving. Cain makes it worse each time he brings it up! What dumb new "tweak" did he unveil today?

Things keep getting better and better for Herman Cain, whose latest feat is winning today's Outrage of the Day contest! His poorly worded comments about abortion on Piers Morgan last night have led many to believe that he is actually pro-choice! Well, he's not. He just sucks at speaking.

In another disturbing confirmation that, yes, the rest of the world is watching, Afghan President Hamid Karzai appears to have caught that clip of Herman Cain dismissing "insignificant" countries like "Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan" as things that aren't worth learning about. He even got Hillary Clinton to bring it up during their latest meeting, to share a laugh. "That wasn't right, but anyway, that's how politics are," Karzai empathized.

Sexually obsessed tabloid persona Andrea Peyser customarily writes her column by feeding her cat large quantities of GHB-laced Fancy Feast, and then allowing it to wander over her keyboard. Still, today's is even more laughable than usual. Who would have thought that a racist white lady would lionize a black Republican? Oh, everybody!

When it comes to Republican presidential candidates, Stephen Colbert doesn't back losers. So now that Rick Perry is fading fast, Colbert must throw his allegiance elsewhere, and who better to back than Herman Cain, the main beneficiary of Perry's declining poll numbers? That was the question on Colbert's mind tonight as he vetted Cain—plus his "9-9-9" tax plan and controversial remarks about an "electrified" border fence—on the Report.