The wait is over: Hawaii's governor yesterday vetoed a bill that would have allowed same-sex civil unions, after much speculation.

Actress and huge-thumbed freak of nature Megan Fox married her boyfriend, 90210 actor Brian Austin Green, in a secret ceremony in Hawaii last week. A source told Star: "They're now celebrating their honeymoon," probably by playing pinochle or something. [Star]

The lovable, bumbling Michael Steele-era Republican party had never won a special election—until this weekend, when Honolulu Councilman Charles Djou won Hawaii's special election to replace retired Congressman Neil Abercrombie. It was due, obviously, to the Djouish-controlled media.

On Modern Family's very special Hawaii episode, Phil got into an awkward tangle with Jay, whose age had just caught up with him. All this homoerotica, and Cam and Mitchell still haven't kissed.

The state is attracting homeless people from the mainland US by offering food, a bed, and health care for just $3 a day. But not everyone is happy. Of course Obama's alleged home state would support such a socialist program.

Yesterday, in a vote of 31-20, state lawmakers passed the bill that now must be signed by the governor, who has been noncommittal on the issue. Republican Rep. Barbara Marumoto, who voted in favor of the bill (!) told the Honolulu Star Bulletin: "I don't believe our society will come crashing down if we pass this bill." [HSB]

Last night's episode was all about people reaching out for one another. Unrequited lovers reaching for a warm body. Mothers reaching for sons. Daughters for fathers. Jenny for a sack of pills.

In all the messiness of life's day-to-day, one tends to forget the majesty that is the universe on a grand scale. Let this stunning time-lapse of the Milky Way over Hawaii remind you of your insignificance.

Immediately following the earthquake in Chile, Hawaii was put on high-alert due to the threat of a tsunami. Watch as a group of beach-goers in Hawaii spot the tsunami, and flee in terror.


[via YouTube]

Mere hours after we asked whether Rush's hospitalization means he's hitting the pill bottle again, an energetic Limbaugh took to the small screen to announce that he is healthy as an ox, and no, he is not high on Oxy.

Barack Obama cut short a game a golf for a "personal matter" and returned to his family compound on Hawaii in what pool reporters are describing as a "very high speed and dramatic" motorcade trip. An ambulance has been spotted outside their vacation home, but CNN's Ed Henry just reported that the incident concerns "a minor injury with a friend who's travelling with the first family." MSNBC's Chuck Todd adds (see the clip above) that the injury occurred "on the ocean."

Barack Obama is in Hawaii celebrating the holidays with his family and attempting yet again to forge a long-form birth certificate. And what have pool cameras caught him doing over the long weekend? Having lots of fun!

Did Sarah Palin leave Hawaii because there were too many Hawaiians? That, apparently, is what her own father said! Of course, her father could be a member of the gotcha liberal media. (Have you gotten to him too, Andrew??)

The Way We Live Now: Doggedly. Are hot dogs the solution to our nation's unemployed ex-con crisis? No, not at all. But it's a thought. Similarly, happy ads won't restore our rotten financial institutions. But they'll make you $$$mile!!!

The innocent civilians of the Hawaiian islands are being stalked by a bloodthirsty baby seal, which circles a lagoon plotting how to kill humans twice: First, with cuteness; then, with drowning. Cutie patootie, or aquatic psychotic?

Japanese intelligence has learned that Kim Jong Il plans to fire a Taepodong rocket at Hawaii, possibly on the 4th of July. Wait, what?!

Hipster movies are made, as are ones about the depraved world of small town Texas. Which are sorta hipster in their own right. Bad news for David E. Kelley, which is good news for us.