In response to the news Monday that Chris Hughes, the owner of the New Republic since 2012, no longer wished to own the magazine, the writer Jonathan Chait supplied an entertaining quote to the New York Times:

The very public, very ugly Kasem family feud played on this weekend with a dramatic day in court that culminated in a bizarre raw hamburger meat attack.

Caity: What we learned yesterday is that no one should ever go to the Statue of Liberty under any circumstances.

Nicola Peate is still recovering from a dislocated jaw she sustained while attempting to bite into a triple-patty burger that pokes fun at fat American youths.

On Monday, a man traveling from southern China to Beijing with his pet hamburger was stopped by airport security because, whoops, his hamburger was actually a live turtle that he was praying everyone would mistake for a hamburger.

Today in the New York Times, restaurant critic Pete Wells compares eight well-regarded New York City burgers — leaving us to wonder, if these are the best burgers in New York, which is the worst? We want to find out. But we need your help.

[Ed. Note: For this next post, we ask that you blow the dust off your original vinyl copy of License to Ill. Or else just command-click here.]

Oh man, the Washington Post has caught hypocrite Michelle Obama red-handed, stuffing her hypocrite face with hypocrite hamburgers and shakes and fries at a diner. Why isn't she eating organic free-range slime and hippie grain dirt or whatever the hell she forces children to eat in school, hmm? Hypocrite. Fraud!

[Barack Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev stuff their faces with (open-faced?) hamburgers at Ray's Hell Burger in Arlington, Virginia this afternoon. Medvedev is now a Real American. Image via AP.]

Here's a little news that ought to put starving people the world over in good spirits this blah Monday: an Australian cafe has made the world's biggest hamburger. It's 178lbs and costs $1500. It takes four men to flip. [Reuters]

Would you eat a cheeseburger from a vending machine? What if that cheeseburger was endorsed by NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt Jr.? Fret not: Such a product—the Dale Jr. cheeseburger—will soon be available, from vending machines across the land!

Despite the signs posted around town today, In-N-Out is not headed to NYC this summer.

For millennia, man has questioned how Burger King tricks consumers by making Whoppers look edible in commercials. The answer is simple: In order to make fast food look good, you must make it even more disgusting.

Yes, this is partly our fault, this story having legs, but still: this man exists, and that is not our fault. He is the blogger who is exposing Barack Obama's scandalous Dijon obsession.

When Barack Obama made headlines by eating a hamburger this week, we were disappointed that he ruined his by ordering it medium-well. Sean Hannity, though, found something far worse.

Click to viewBoomp3.com A coy Jennifer Aniston quickly denied the claim that she had babies on the brain while waiting for a friend in a back alley. Aniston chuckled as she discovered the accidental thought bubble above her, saying, “Maybe I should stand underneath a sign that says 'Oscar winner,' or 'cheeseburger.'” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.