Getting a ticket to the Vanity Fair Oscar party is pretty close to impossible. You either have to be really famous, really beautiful, or really rich (and if you fall into the latter category, you'll be expected to return the favor by giving Graydon Carter unfettered access to your jet, or enough capital to open a new restaurant). But that's changed. Now anyone can attend!

• How many people have signed up for Newsday.com since the newspaper put up a pay wall three months ago? A grand total of 35, believe it or not. [NYO]
• Following in Oprah's footsteps, Martha Stewart announced she's moving her syndicated TV show to cable (the Hallmark Channel) next fall. [Reuters, WSJ]
• NBC honcho Jeff Gaspin says he "underestimated the level of emotion" that would follow the decision to change up NBC's late-night schedule. Fortunately, the Olympics are here, which he says will be "a cleansing moment." [NYT, AP]
• Ratings are up at Fox News: The network was ranked No. 1 in primetime cable last week. Strangely, Fox News was also ranked "the most trusted name in news," according to a national survey released today. Seriously. [NYT, PD]
• There's lots of anxiety in the air over at CNN, not surprisingly. [Politico]
• Yet another Post staffer is suing the paper for discrimination. [Gawker]
• Roger Hodge, the editor of Harper's, has been let go. [NYT]
• More than 83 million people tuned in on Friday for the Haiti telethon. [LAT]
• Who's going to replace Simon Cowell on AI? Possibly one of these guys. [NYM]
• Nancy Grace loves cameras in courtrooms. Except when she's the one doing the testifying, in which case they can cause "embarrassment." [AP]

A second crew of Scientology ministers and medics are now in Haiti at John Travolta's behest. This time he was literally behind the wheel of the Boeing 707, wife Kelly Preston by his side.

• Is Fox about to "swoop in" and sign Conan O'Brien to host a late-night show on the network? That's the rumor. In other, not-at-all-surprising Conan news, his final Tonight Show on Friday generated huge ratings. [NYP, NYDN, LAT]
• News networks are preparing to scale back their operations in Haiti. [NYT]
• The "Hope For Haiti Now" album will debut at No. 1 this week. [Reuters]
• Diane Sawyer's ratings are up 8% since taking over World News. [NYDN]
• Avatar was No. 1 at the box office for a sixth weekend in a row; it bypassed Titanic today to become the highest-grossing movie of all time. [LAT, THR]
• The Ticketmaster-Live Nation merger has been given the go-ahead . [DF]
• The grim ad climate for fashion magazines seems to be improving. [WWD]
• Comcast's acquisition of NBC will face a few hurdles in Washington. [AP]
• Oprah was "America's favorite TV personality" in 2009, according to a new poll. Frighteningly, Glenn Beck and Jay Leno were No. 2 and 3. [Reuters]

Hundreds of celebs turned out on Friday evening to take part in George Clooney's "Hope for Haiti Now" telethon. But a few non-celebs were in the studio, too, including pharmaceutical billionaire (and noted sunglasses enthusiast) Stewart Rahr, aka "Stewie Rah Rah, the #1 King of All Fun":

The Haiti earthquake: Sad, right? Especially for the media—our heroes on the front line, right there in dirty Haiti. Now, the media must start coming home, as heroes. Most are leaving gradually; one network's leaving fast as hell.

It'd appear that Apple has a very, very strict no-call-no-show policy: three times, and you're done. A Genius Bar employee volunteering with an NGO emailed his whereabouts, but it wasn't enough.

Remember that time Pat Robertson blamed the earthquake in Haiti on Haitians pact with the devil? Funny enough, a rabbi is now blaming it on Eli Valley, a comic book artist who we've published on this site! Nice work, Eli!

So! The Hope For Haiti Telethon was last night, and if you're like everyone else, it was Friday night, and you were out, you selfish fuck. Or all TEAM COCO. Either way, music happened. Timberlake! Beyonce! Swift! Hova! Gospel Choirs!

Tonight at 8pm is the Hope for Haiti Now telethon, which will air on many TV stations and is being livestreamed on sites across the web, including here. Please support relief and recovery in Haiti.

This week: everyone took advantage of a crisis for their own gain, someone sold Gay Paradise, and a naked guy won America's heart (and higher legislative body).

A planned fundraiser for Wyclef Jean's charity in 2006 was canceled in part because Jean's personal $100,000 performance fee made the event too expensive, according to internal e-mails and a source familiar with the event.

• NBC Universal's profits tumbled 30 percent in the fourth quarter and dropped 28 percent in 2009. And that was before The Tonight Show mess and the money-losing Olympics were factored in. Good work, Zucker. [THR, LAT]
• More on Conan's departure (and his big ratings this week); Jay Leno's attempt at damage control; his sure-to-be-awkward appearance at the White House Correspondents Dinner; and the "explosion of incivility" on late-night TV.
• More on Air America's meltdown and the aftermath. [NYT, AdAge, Politico]
• How the "Hope for Haiti Now" telethon came together (Clooney made a call) and who will be taking part (140 celebs around the world). [LAT, AP, People]
• The 2010 Sundance Film Festival is in full swing. [LAT, Wrap, MTV]
• Roman Polanski has to return to the U.S. for sentencing, per a judge. [AP]
• Jon Stewart slams Keith Olbermann; Olbermann snipes back. [HP]
• The SAG Awards go down in LA tomorrow night, in case you care. [AP, NYM]
• Jim Cameron is the most important man in the world! Allegedly! [BN]

Chelsea Clinton's gone to Haiti to sweat under the Caribbean sun and assist victims of the devastating earthquake? No, but she did host a spin class last night that doubled as a benefit, raising $66,810 from the likes of Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, who pedaled alongside the former first daughter at the event. Try and multi-task like that, George Clooney. [People]

John Edwards decided to follow up his admission of what everyone already knew by going to Haiti to participate in relief efforts. Coincidentally, cameras followed him!

• As if this hasn't already been a crappy week for liberals thanks to the election results in Massachusetts, Air America announced today that it's shutting down effective immediately and filing for bankruptcy protection. [AP, WP]
• More on the conclusion of l'affaire Coco, what's in store for O'Brien (unclear), and what NBC can look forward to in the months ahead (lackluster ratings for Leno, mammoth losses, continued shame, etc). [NYT, TW, WSJ, NYT]
• CNN has been pulling out all the stops to cover the crisis in Haiti (not to mention invested in hundreds of tight t-shirts for Andy Cooper). And yet Fox News, which has sorta ignored the earthquake (and typically avoids covering stories involving poor black people) is still out in front in the ratings. [LAT]
• Kitty Kelley's tell-all about Oprah hits bookstores on Apr. 13. [AP]
• A Pulitzer for the National Enquirer? Stranger things have happened. [WP]
• HGTV and Food Network have returned to Cablevision customers. [NYT]
• Thanks to Lionel Richie and Quincy Jones, you'll be hearing "We Are the World" (Haiti 2010 edition) again in the near future. [Showbiz411]
• Madonna and Beyoncé have joined Team Clooney, FYI. [Reuters]
• So much for free content: Hulu may start charging its users to watch popular TV shows in the future; and YouTube is introducing pay-per-view videos.
• Is the Wall Street Journal really launching a travel agency? Yes. [E&P]
• Say goodbye (arrivederci?) to MTV's Jersey Shore. [NYM, Gawker, MTV]

George Clooney won't let Kanye be in his telethon, Kanye ruins everything. Tara Reid gets engaged to a mysterious "billionaire." Michael Lohan abandons a puppy. Diddy's kid turns Super Sweet 16 on MTV. Thursday gossip has daddy issues.

Overheard: from a blonde girl on the way in to last night's Guest of a Guest party to benefit Haiti, featuring Mark Ronson among others: "Wait — it's not open bar?" And Port-au-Prince thinks it knows suffering.

Two days ago, CNN's Haiti coverage reached a strange climax, as Sanjay Gupta and Anderson Cooper morphed into a team of life-saving reporters/heroes. Tonight, Gupta and Cooper were just a couple of journalists who have maybe seen too much.

What are you doing now? We're watching live streaming video of models playing ping pong at SPiN, the Manhattan ping pong club co-owned by Susan Sarandon and her rumored boytoy, Jonathan Bricklin. Yep, supermodels are playing ping pong for Haiti.