The Week Everyone Pitched In to Pretend to Help Haiti

This week: everyone took advantage of a crisis for their own gain, someone sold Gay Paradise, and a naked guy won America's heart (and higher legislative body).

Everyone was helping in Haiti. Especially John Travolta and his Scientologist Rescue Adventure team. And the Crusading CNN-ers. (Though they quickly became jaded.) Oh, and John Edwards! (Could we bring the refugees here and leave those people there, maybe?)

And Wyclef Jean! He has a charity. It is kind of a sketchy charity. Wyclef admitted that mistakes were made. We called on him to give the money he's raised to someone who can really help.

In other news: you asked and journalism ethics expert Kate Major answered!

Scott Brown—aka the White, Naked Obama—won his race for Ted Kennedy's seat and pimped out his daughters, thus ushering in the era of the Republican Superminority. (Him and his daughter and his naked wife also ushered in the era of the Republican Fameball.) This was all Richard's fault.

The King of Fire Island sold most of his kingdom to some guy. Gay Paradise will officially be ruled by three wise men.

So! We saw these billboards of a guy and a lady, and they led to this website full of pictures. And they turned out to be pictures of a dude and his mistress. And the dude turned out to be the president of Oracle. And the billboards turned out to be a "gift" from the mistress. And they had a very nice love nest.

Also this week:

• Ke$ha was on The Simple Life back before she was Ke$ha.
• Dennis Hopper is screwing his wife on his death bed.
• Barack Obama Tweeted.
• We pondered the mystery of naked pictures of famous dudes on a website.
• All the ladies at the Golden Globes were huge fatties, but we were ok with that.
• Lil Bow Wow's mom embarrassed him on Twitter.
• Denoit Denizet-Lewis knows what Tiger is up to in Sex Rehab.
• We investigated the sad tale of Yale: The Musical.
• We watched Johnny Weir's TV show.
• We figured out how to tell when gay rumors are true.
• We (along with the Daily Show) took a look back at Barack Obama's first year.
• John Mayer turned out to be a chronic masturbator (and possible Deadspin reader?).
• Oh, that Late Night TV thing was still going on.
• Apple is going to save newspapers with a really big iPod.
• We declared our lack of interest in certian porn parodies.
• A girl from The Real World feels totally bad about lying about cancer.
• We watched American Idol, The Real World, The Real Housewives of Orange County, and Jersey Shore. But not iCarly.
• We looked at the fancy places those Goldman Sachs bonus-receivers bought with your money.
• We learned a lot from Jersey Shore.
• What other groups should MTV explore with its cameras?
• Air America died.
• We took a look back at awesome old Hollywood gossip.