This nice lady has unleashed her gift of hand-less clapping onto the internet. We think she needs to understand that hypnotic flab undulation and only hypnotic flab undulation is what's launched her to viral stardom — no weird party-tricks needed.

You're probably tired of smelling like steak and used diapers all day because, let's face it, you're disgusting. Maybe a fragrance is in order. It shouldn't be too offensive, but should remain familiar. Perhaps the literal scent of a woman?

In 1985, a married 30-year-old man sat in a hot tub with 15-year-old girl who worked for him. They were naked. In 2002, he gave the woman $150,000. Now, the man is the majority leader of the Utah House.

In what looks like a bad Proactiv commercial, acoustic guitar plucks away as Jessica Simpson admits to not brushing her teeth. This is met with nervous laughter. She then repeats this fact. Again, more nervous laughter. What is going on?

What better way to rise from the ashes of obscurity, phoenix-like, than with a sex tape. Possibly titles to be sold your nearest porn emporium: Weird Al Yankyerdick, Gal Pal Weird Al, Weird An-Al, and of course, Inside Al.

The miracle of birth can be a beautiful, life-changing experience in so many ways. In the case of Kourtney Kardashian, however, things can take weird turns... like pulling her child out of her own vagina. WARNING: Not for the squeamish!

Discovery has released this short video compilation featuring Man Vs. Wild's Bear Grylls eating the absolutely nasty things: bugs, snakes, testicles, and raw/living animals (among other things.) Hope you've already eaten lunch!

Wake up, make some coffee, turn on the TV to start your day, and what are you greeted with? A mother's abdominal wound being sliced open while amniotic fluid is being sucked out of her stomach. Enjoy your Cheerios!

Dr. Oz reached new bodily lows on his show today, when he addressed an audience member's obsession with cleaning her colon by describing the lower intestine in gestures and cuing up comparative pictures of clean and dirty colons in HD.

"Nescafé has found an avid market [in Singapore] for coffee with collagen, a protein found in connective tissues, on the theory that ingesting it will improve skin." Which is false. Also: eww, gross, throwup. [NYT. Pic via]

It's a Christmas miracle: a tipster has forwarded us a historic May, 2007 internal staff email from our favorite public relations powerhouse, 5WPR. It seems someone (ladies) could not keep the poop flushed and the tampons put away properly.

Get ready for the disgusting reality-check of the day. This video from the NYC Department of Health says that a can of soda a day can make you ten pounds fatter a year. The truth has never been so grotesque.

Women don't always know they're pregnant. Babies fall out of them all the time, at really inopportune moments—grocery shopping, making coffee, vacuuming, on blind dates, whatever. The re-enactments of these births really drive home the awkward, unexpected pain.

Remember that twisted story of the Peruvian gang which supposedly killed obese people and sold their fat for use in cosmetics? It was made up by an investigator. Thank God. [BBC]

Andrew Adam Newman reports: Corporations are helping you, the consumer, learn that your butt could probably use a little wet wipe down there, if you know what the corporation is saying.

For as little as $1,600, Michael Jackson's singed hair can be yours. [Sun]

Yesterday's New York Times featured an excellent and stomach-turning investigation into Cargill, a meat-processing company that makes yummie prepackaged hamburgers with E. Coli and ammonia. We like it even more now that we know Cargill is a Times advertiser.

Today we innocently repeated a Page Six blind item about a married former newspaperman carrying on an affair with a single reporter. We don't have names. But we do have some of the newspaperman's text messages to his ladyfriend!

Last night we mentioned a creepy auction of the Plato's Retreat-era marble fixtures that adorned Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione's notorious apartment. Here, from the auction house's web site, is a visual taste of how the Gooch lived in his heyday.