Is there a worse affront in the annals of corporate exuberance than a $1.3 million parking space at Moffett Field? Yes, and it lurks in the bowels of the Googleplex: robotic bidets. These remote-controlled fannywashers allow visitors to a wide range of spray customization and an optional vibration setting. Why aren't we surprised that they "aid in productivity?" Japanese toilets of the future are the new envy of every cubicle dweller.

First cheese, now this. Are extravagant pastries the latest sign of a bubble? To celebrate Google's one-year anniversary in its New York Chelsea office, seven Google chefs built a scale-model cake of their block-long building. 5' long, 3' high and 2' wide, if this isn't a monument to excess, we don't know what is. Then again, maybe we're just bitter that we didn't get invited to the party.

Blogger Addy Fox, who is dating a Googler, took advantage of her beef's two allotted monthly visitor passes and checked up on the accuracy of our assessment of the Googleplex, which we'd found shockingly crappy. She discovered that we were wrong about some things—for instance, the cafeteria is on the 8th floor, not the 16th (I'm bad with numbers!). But we were right when we assumed that the cold chicken wings and tragicomic sushi weren't representative of usual Google fare: "They have an actual sushi chef in one of the cafeterias who made me a truly delicious spicy tuna roll ... then, as we took our trays out onto the terrace, we were greeted by a buffet of tasty 'Mexican Street Food,' complete with mango and tutifruiti soda." Yum yum. But you know what's not so delicious? RACISM.

Last week's press party in Google's New York offices brought lots of coverage of the search engine's Chelsea quarters. But leave it to the girlfriend of a Googler, a decidedly non-media civilian, to give us the most detailed picture of the Googleplex East. Last week, she visited her beau at work and blogged her impression of his daily surroundings, pointing out unspoken truths like how no one at Google smokes and that there are remarkably few African-American Google employees. The highlight of the report, however, is her disappointment in the Google bathrooms.

A tipster just sent in a snapshot of Google cofounders Larry Page and Sergey Brin getting their groove on at the Googleplex East party held earlier this week in New York. The pic, after the jump.

We're getting live reports on who's making it past the velvet rope at Google's New York party. The bash, held in Google's West Chelsea offices at 76 Ninth Avenue, has already kicked up a fuss. Google's controlling-but-not-that-bright PR people have tried to limit the guest list to consumer and fashion reporters, figuring they'd be more likely to critique the buffet and less likely to ask pesky questions about the search engine's business practices. So far, they've had mixed results. Here's who we've heard has showed up so far — and who's been barred at the door.

The San Francisco Chronicle has another look into Google's China offices. The pictures come from inside the Googleplex Zhongguancun (say that five times fast — hint, the "c" is pronounced "ts"). Most importantly, there's a rundown of a typical lunch menu — seafood pizza, pumpkin risotto, braised mushroom with bamboo and steamed crab. The most interesting takeaway? Google China's head, the underemployed, noncompeting Kai-Fu Lee, has his workspace on the traditionally unlucky fourth floor, though he pooh-poohs any talk of bad luck. "We don't believe in superstition." Good for you, Kai-Fu. We've always thought that "don't be evil" was an old engineer's tale, too.

Now here's a perk: We hear that Google's New York office gets local employees on the list of three clubs every weekend, so they don't have to wait in line with the bridge-and-tunnel crowd. While somehow we doubt Google's HR department houses the hippest arbiters of Gotham nightlife, we suspect that Google's Big Apple-based geeks party just a wee bit harder than the drones of the Googleplex in Mountain View.

David Lawee, Google's vice president of marketing, gets a slavishly unquestioning interview on BusinessWeek's website. Lawee stayed relentlessly on message, painting the usual rainbows-and-unicorns picture of life at the Googleplex. His PR handlers surely must have been pleased. As long as no one bothered, that is, to point out the obvious subtext: That Lawee's job has absolutely no point, and that he comes across as a complete tool. Ooops. I guess someone just did. Here are the lowlights of Lawee's interview, and why he wins our latest award for Silicon Valley Tool.

Google's perks extend past the Googleplex. Before tonight's CNN/YouTube Democratic Debate, the press were treated to a "choice of salmon over couscous, bourbon-glazed pork or tenderloin au poivre." Also, Google decked out the press room with a pool table. [Hotline on Call]

Google's free food is the greatest tangible evidence of "Googliness" — the company's twee description of its eccentric and goofy culture. The snack rooms and cafeterias are legendary, and four of the cafes made our list of the top things to see on Google's campus. The only question: How long will it all last?

Employees of newly acquired advertising company DoubleClick visit the famed Google cafeteria for the first time, sneak out with "a week's worth of desserts in to-go packages." [NYT]

Google expands its headquarters, again, this time renting out the former home of Hewlett-Packard in Palo Alto, a site five miles away from the current Googleplex. [San Jose Mercury News]

Not everyone is pleased about Google's planned headquarters expansion and rumors of a proposed 1 million square foot campus at Moffett Field. "Google is hiring 15 people a day and causing huge parking problems... It just ruins the city." [Palo Alto Daily News]

Ever wanted to storm the Googleplex? You may still have a chance to join the quizmasters at this weekend's puzzle hunt taking place at Google's Mountain View campus. [Inside Google]

As a (perhaps) final coda to the Googleplex map errata, lots of readers phoned in with declarations or speculations regarding the acrobat statues outside Building 45. Were they in fact leftovers from when Adobe lived there, and did they have some nominal relationship to Adobe's Acrobat products? Or did early explorers find these statues in the Spanish colonial days and decide this would be an excellent place for an office park?

Regarding our map of the Googleplex, commenter Spastic Colon notes:

Google Blogoscoped horks forth a passel of more photos from the Googleplex, mostly of happy little Googlers bouncing around the giant playland that is their workspace while playing with toys. Three cheers for infantilization.

Item 10 on our map of the Googleplex is a pair of circus-y statues outside Building 45. A reader reminisces:

Google's sprawling, cheerfully dystopian campus at Mountain View may intimidate the first-time visitor. But there's no need to fear. The easy rule of thumb dictates that the most concentrated power centers gravitate toward the middle (where the engineers and their excellent cafeterias reside). But once you get past the first impressions, you'll need a little guidance. After the jump, enjoy our annotated map of 25 sights to take in across the entire Google campus before you die, and/or are killed by Google's very understanding but nevertheless lethal security forces. Dinosaurs! Pools! Massage parlors! Endless bowls of bisque! It's all here.