New York online editor Jessica Coen, once of Gawker, is joining Jezebel as executive editor.

Apparently the way to get people to read magazines, and advertisers to pay you enough money to support your fancy editorial aims, is to lock them in planes where there are fewer distractions.

Maziar Bahari, the Canadian-Iranian Newsweek reporter who has been detained in Tehran's notorious Evin Prison since his arrest while covering the nation's post-election uprising in June, has arrived safely in London in time for the birth of his first child.

How many of you are "binge drinkers," meaning you had five drinks in a night once last month? (All you drunks raise your hands). Now, how many of you drove after getting wasted? (Pause). Liars! Science knows.

Fantastic news, minorities: A new Taser that boasts three times as many shots! Elsewhere in law enforcement matters: "Taser-hit man bursts into flames." Creepy masochistic employee indoctrination vid below!

E! recently conducted an online reader poll and a resounding 94% of voters wanted to get over-exposed reality blobs banned from coverage. And the network is going to oblige for Heidi and Spencer, and nobody else.

Aw, they think they're people. Noted gay Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Plot Contrivance) and his partner, actor David Burtka, are in the hunt for a surrogate mommy. They're using the same agency as Sarah Jessica Parker!

In your ugly Thursday media column: a Chinese newspaper executive is brutally murdered, Sears pimps 'Good News,' John Norris picks up a new gig, and somebody's interested in the Boston Globe:

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has used his Twitter to raise $645K for the brother of former CNN anchor Veronica De La Cruz, who is in need of a heart transplant. [Paste via Rachel Sklar's Twitter]

Various dead-enders accuse us of writing too much negative news, simply because we inform you daily that American society at large is collapsing. Unrelated: let's review the contents of actual publication "The Happy Herald!"

Remember Republic Windows and Doors? The company that kicked off Depression 2.0 by staging the last successful labor sit-in that will ever happen? Yet more good news: they found a buyer!

Great news! Damon Weaver got press credentials for the inauguration! Yes!

According to CNN, Bank of America will extend credit to Republic Window & Door, the Chicago factory where laid-off workers were engaging in a sit-in. Now Republic will presumably be able to make payroll for the federally mandated 60 days, and perhaps even reopen for business. Labor just won something! Happy Christmas!

Just because we're in the midst of an apocalypse, people these days like to say, "Oh, the media is so negative. What about the good news?" Here's some good news: shut up. Times are bad, and if there's one thing the media loves, it's bad times, because bad times= lots of NEWS. Though the media does prefer bad times that don't involve media layoffs. Regardless, the important thing here is that bad news is not what you have to fear. Be scared when you start to see the good news. That's when you know the end is nigh.

Good news for Katie Couric: the ongoing psychodrama at MSNBC has caused people to forget entirely that she was widely considered a unhappy failure as the anchor of the CBS evening news. Remember how she hated the job, and the criticism, and was going to quit after the elections and take over for Larry King or something? That was a long time ago, and the spectacle of Chris Matthews versus Keith Olbermann versus Joe Scarborough versus NBC News brass versus viewers has basically taken all the negative attention off of poor Katie. As a result, now it is time for people to decide they like her again! First up, Times media person David Carr. David Carr got in trouble for being all sexist about Katie last time he wrote about her, and in this piece he once again reminds everyone that she is "perky" (almost!) and "America's Sweetheart" (almost!). But he also says: "Ms. Couric is a highly skilled interviewer, and people tend to tell her stuff." Of course CBS is still in third place and the fact that MSNBC has sucked all the coverage away from Katie is good, sort of, but also means that no one is talking about Katie and CBS. So she can do all the surprisingly good work in the world, but it won't attract the attention of a Chris Matthews meltdown on a third-place cable network. In other words, we figure she's enjoying herself as anchor for the first time since she started, mostly because she's still going to quit soon, so why not have fun. (Of course she still needs to make sure she's getting that payday before she hands the reigns back to Bob Scheiffer.) [Photo: HuffPo]

We realize we left many of you hanging since noting Tuesday of the shocking hospitalization of Gwyneth Paltrow for a mystery ailment, which some were hypothesizing resulted from the actress's experimenting with a strict, raw-foods-only intestinal-purging regimen. Well, none other than celebrity chef Mario Batali [Ed. note: Pause to rhapsodize about Mozza's fresh ricotta and egg raviolo with browned butterrrargghlerrrarrh...] has confirmed to usmagazine.com that the troubles were indeed isolated to her digestive tract:

Circ may be down 17 percent (uh, controlled! right!), and they still have Joel Stein writing for them, but at least there's one thing going right at Time: The softball team beat the New York Times last night, 20 to 11, to win the championship in their cute little media softball league. The trophy will be on display on the 22nd and 24th floors today, so if you're in the building, head over and pay tribute, okay?