Though they seemed awfully happy performing together on American Idol mere months ago, Nuyorican power couple Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have announced that they're ending their seven-year marriage. ¡Ay Dios mio!

So, campaign finance! Perhaps in need of some constitutional reform, hmm? But for now, the rules of the game for presidential campaigns are that you call all of your rich friends and have them bundle donations from their rich friends, "sometimes" in exchange for access or favors for everyone in this elaborate network of rich friends. So who's on the just-released Obama bundler list?

Dow Jones CEO Les Hinton—whose previous job was running the division of Rupert Murdoch's empire that is presently engulfed in an out-of-control conflagration of criminality, almost all of which stems back to Hinton's tenure there—has stepped down. We totally called this two years ago.

In your finally Friday media column: Rupert Murdoch apologizes, Andrew Ross Sorkin gets a TV gig, the AP stylebook is wrong, Google encourages you to read, and Bob Schieffer is still among the living.

This year's Primetime Emmy award nominations will be announced tomorrow, meaning we can finally celebrate television actors. So who will be nominated? Well we kind of already know that. But who should be nominated?

Lindsay Lohan throws her weight around a parking lot and says she is a ballerina. Chris Brown's latest temper tantrum includes the phrase "faggot ass." Captain America drove Chris Evans into therapy. Wednesday gossip is kind of a big deal.

Do you hear that? It's the sound of another shoe dropping. News Corp, besieged by a strange and unfamiliar phenomenon called "bad publicity that can't just be ignored," just announced that it's abandoning its lengthy (and extremely important, at least in the context of European media) quest to take over British Sky Broadcasting.

The Huffington Post indefinitely suspended a young blogger today for rewriting too much of someone's news article. This is pretty ridiculous, given HuffPo's systematic, officially-sanctioned approach to rewriting too much of people's news articles. Just ask a HuffPo veteran.

As revelations emerge at a rate of about one per second in the News of the World hacking scandal, Rupert Murdoch is flying in to London to attempt damage control, according to the Financial Times.

The new monthly jobs report is out, and guess what? Unemployment is up to 9.2%, the economy only added 18,000 jobs (one-tenth of the number needed to find jobs for all the poor saps entering the workforce right now), we created 44,000 fewer jobs than we thought in April and May, 14.1 million Americans are out of work, and roving bandit gangs are lighting tire fires in the street outside your house right now.

Natalie Portman's one-month-old Millepied-sired baby boy is named Aleph (or Alef), People, Us, and Israeli gossips report:

Sure, we'd heard there was a civil war at AOL following the Huffington Post merger. But we never imagined we'd be hearing tales quite so evocative of schoolyard bullying. Team HuffPo is apparently the meanest clique at AOL Junior High.

Did Mary-Kate hook up with Kanye on his birthday? Does Jennifer Lopez bathe in the black magic blood of Santeria chickens? Does Kim Kardashian need a decoy engagement ring? Did LeAnn Rimes make a sex tape? Friday gossip has questions.

Who is the one person allowed to stand up to corporate diva Steve Jobs and criticize the Apple CEO to his face? That would, of course, be musical diva Lady Gaga, who recently talked a little trash at Apple headquarters.

Classy American racist Donald Trump is enjoying his post-almost-presidency repose the way any exceedingly wealthy titan of industry would: By trying to peddle cheesy photos of himself and his family to tabloids for $20,000.

Like it or not, a pretty lady is way richer than you. And you'll just have to deal with it. Also today: HBO is making the classiest thing ever made, two funny ladies are teaming up to get your motor running, and Anderson Cooper has a new website.

Since being portrayed as a hard-partying tech playboy by Justin Timberlake in the Social Network, it has become impossible for Napster founder Sean Parker to have a party that is not a crazy blowout because of his new reputation. He tells the Post:

Whether he knows it or not, President Obama is about to fuck something up miserably and drown his administration in years of investigations. There is no avoiding it; it will happen, perhaps even by the close of Memorial Day weekend. Why are we so sure? Because a little thing called "math" told us.

Natalie Portman runs into the lady she stole her fiance from, while avoiding the lady who called her a fraud. Lady Gaga says her critics are bullies. Kim Kardashian could make millions from her wedding. Thursday gossip was born this sensitive.

On Tuesday, former Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger acknowledged that he had fathered a child out of wedlock. There were scant details beyond a vague timeframe—"more than a decade ago"—and the occupation of the child's mother: "a longtime member of [the family's] household staff." But two tabloids have just identified the woman as Mildred "Patty" Baena, age 50, a former housekeeper at Schwarzenegger's Brentwood estate.