The best thing about Golden Globes night is that it provides dinner to a roomful of stars who otherwise could not afford to feed themselves. The celebs sit smushed elbow-to-elbow at round dinner tables and the International Ballroom of the Beverly Hilton looks like an Olive Garden the ad sales department has rented out for its 2003 F-ad-bulous Employee Recognition Dinner. Also everyone gets wasted, which is great for .gifs.

Oops, nevermind, that's her boyfriend, 42-year-old Oliver Sarkozy (half-brother of former French president Nicolas). They're in love! Happy Veterans Day.

Alec Baldwin's 17-year-old daughter Ireland has forgiven her father for leaving a now-infamous voicemail on her phone when she was 11 years old. The transcript of reads in part:

New York Times reporter Mark Mazzetti e-mailed an advance, unpublished copy of a Maureen Dowd column dealing with the CIA to an Agency spokeswoman last year, according to newly released emails obtained by Judicial Watch under the Freedom of Information Act. Depending on whom at the Times you ask, that was either "much ado about nothing" or a "mistake that is not consistent with New York Times standards."

Avid Tamagatchi and fine-toothed comb collector Donald Trump knows a thing or two about the word "loser." Namely, Donald Trump knows when it can best be used to describe a person, place, business, television show, or thing.

World-renowned acne medication spokesperson Katy Perry went to a water park yesterday and (NSFW) flopped her bare ass around for the whole world to see.

Earlier this summer, we brought you the New York Times' feature on those lovable 18th century furniture humpers the Brant Brothers. And I bet you were wondering, "Well, just whose Ubermenschen are these two Junior Pattinsons pollinating today?" Thankfully, the good folks at Vanity Fair took time out from photographing Jackie O's collection of coffee tables to give these two pale shitheads another national profile. Let's dive in. After all, EVERYONE loves celebrity children!

Soon after NBC re-aired Usain Bolt dominating the 100 meter final, we received this email from a woman who would like to spill the details of her ongoing fling in London with one of the other sprinters who is presumably not Usain Bolt. But she would like to sell her story anyway, even though most publications would probably not purchase the story unless it was about her sleeping with Usain Bolt. She tells us:

Looks like Liberty Ross—the latest wife to be burned by Hollywood's casting couch—has pleaded her case where justice matters most: the internet.

Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with Snow White and the Huntsmen director Rupert Sanders. Rupert Sanders cheated on his wife Liberty Ross with Kristen Stewart. And both, under the spell of some mysterious PR draught, issued statements within minutes of each other apologizing to their cheatees.

Vincent D'OnofrioIn New York City's war on crime, the most charming sand art is sculpted by the detectives of the Major Case Squad.

We have written about 50 Shades of Grey. Our sister site, Jezebel, has written about 50 Shades of Grey. The Atlantic has written about 50 Shades of Grey. The New York Times has written about 50 Shades of Grey. Everyone has written about 50 Shades of Grey, ad nauseum.

Pickled celery stalk Jon Voight has rushed to Jane Pitt's defense after the charming love letter she wrote to Missouri's Springfield News-Leader surfaced last week. "Good for her," for expressing her homophobic views, Voight told Fox News.

On Saturday, Gawker writer Louis Peitzman haphazardly insinuated that a tweet from KTLA newsreader Sam Rubin was a bad practical joke, but it turned out that he was actually hacked, according to Rubin. He sent this email to Louis on Saturday night:

Odd Future member and rising R&B star Frank Ocean announced tonight via his tumblr that he's bisexual or gay. The post, which was originally supposed to be in the liner notes for Channel Orange, his upcoming album, describes the first time he fell in love with a man, and how he's dealt with it in the years since. It's worth reading in full - it's linked below - but here are some highlights:

Anderson Cooper dropped a bombshell on the moms of America today, by publicly coming out as a gay man in an email published with his permission on The Daily Beast.

Mystifying careerist Taylor Kitsch said that filming sex scenes with his Savages co-star Blake Lively was "very awkward" because he didn't really know her at all, and that "he was just glad it was over with to be honest."

Scout Willis—aka @BougPunk aka Katherine Kelly—continues her flushed-faced descent into celebukidom. 20-year-old Scout was arrested last night for drinking a "Pakistani beer in Union Square." When an officer approached her she produced a fake ID (see: Katherine Kelly), before giving her real name.

Some melodrama went down at New York hip-hop radio station Hot 97's annual Summer Jam this weekend. Before the show, morning-show host Peter Rosenberg publicly dissed headliner Nicki Minaj for her increasing pop appeal: "I see the real hip-hop heads sprinkled in here. I see them. I know there are some chicks here waiting to sing ‘Starships' later - I'm not talking to y'all right now." "Starships" refers to Nicki's current screaming pop-house hit.

Last time we heard from lite '90s crooner Brian McKnight, he dropped an X-rated slow jam for his conceived (still forthcoming, I hope) adult mixtape that proclaimed, "Let me show you how your pussy works / Betcha didn't know that it could squirt." Now, as so many men do, he's moved onto the butthole. In a song he wrote for user-generated smut site YouPorn, he seduces the masses with: "You wanna see some fucking anal? I can get you close enough to smell."