New Jersey Transit's "quiet car" program is good. By choosing the front or rear car of a commuter train during peak hours, you don't have to listen to obnoxious cell phone conversations. But what if someone breaks the rules?

Carmine Agnello, the former mobster whose awful, orange kids starred in the reality show Growing Up Gotti, is in trouble again after he told a park ranger in Ohio that she "should be killed" for asking about his weight.

[This is 50 Cent leaving a bathroom at the CES electronics show in Las Vegas. If you have to ask why, you'll never understand America. Image via Getty]

Soccer player David Beckham and his android wife Victoria are expecting a child sometime this summer! The creepily good-looking couple already have three kids named "Brooklyn," "Cruz" and "Romeo." What hilarious name will they give this poor child?

[An unimpressed George Clooney sits for an interview in Juba, South Sudan during the start of an independence referendum there. Image via AP]

[Okay, so pictures of people swimming in ice water are getting old, but this German guy dressed as Neptune earlier today deserves a little credit. Image via Getty]

What we got from this profile of Bravo executive Andy Cohen in the Times today is that he basically is like the kid brother to every celebrity on Earth. He just goes around and makes them feel like normal people!

In need of something to brighten up your dark apartment? Well, we're giving away two custom-made lamps from Anzfer Farms and all you have to do to win one is enter a caption contest!

As if the Somali pirates weren't raking in enough booty, they've now expanded their buccaneering attacks past mere shipping lanes, into an area of ocean that's "about 2.5 million square miles." Is one of those square miles yours? [USAT]

Allen "Mini-Madoff" Stanford, the crooked Texas financier charged with ripping investors off for billions, already had his head smashed in jail; now, he's being sent to detox to come down from his 3 mg/ day klonopin prescription. That's a lot.

According to a new Vanity Fair article, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange threatened to sue The Guardian when classified State Department cables obtained by Wikileaks were leaked to the paper without his consent. No fair, he got the stolen information first!

[Jessica Szohr blends into the background at the debut of her SoBe "skinsuit" ad, for which she posed naked in bodypaint. See the actress stand awkwardly next to a picture of herself naked, after the jump.]

The "independent review" of NPR's firing of Juan Williams last October has finally(!) wrapped up. The big news: Ellen Weiss, the NPR SVP of news who called Williams to fire him, has resigned. Why?

The AP is reporting that the rumored deal is done: Bill Daley, the "business friendly" Democratic royal who stands for everything liberals hate, will be Barack Obama's new chief of staff. Should you be enraged by this?

A disfiguring dance floor accident forced David Arquette into rehab. Eva Longoria rebounds with Penelope Cruz's brother. T.I. gets "frisky" in jail. James Franco: "Maybe I'm just gay." Thursday gossip hits rock bottom.

Sandra Lee, the celebuchef girlfriend of new New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, doesn't like to talk about her man. When a reporter asked why not at a press conference arranged to highlight her charity work, she left in a huff.

British musician/activist Billy Bragg has no love for the racist British National Party, which he campaigned against in a recent general election. Now someone (BNP perhaps?), is sending his neighbors a letter calling him a "socialist leftist marxist." Sounds familiar!

The city of Rockhampton, Australia has been one of the hardest hit from the recent "biblical" flooding across Queensland, with water levels hitting a peak of 30 feet there yesterday. A Getty Images photographer is documenting the deluged city.

A little-known aspect of Justin Bieber's rabid Internet fan base is the role that Bieber's camp plays in stoking the flames. Last night, Bieber's manager held an impromptu webcam chat and urged girls to lure guys into his new movie.

The Securities and Exchange Commission is reportedly reviewing whether a private Facebook investment vehicle runs afoul of financial disclosure laws. Which, given that the vehicle was designed by the infamous economic pillagers at Goldman Sachs, borders on a self-answering question.