About 26.5 million people tuned into see just which way Lady Gaga was born at the Grammys last night. That's the show's largest audience since 2001. That also means a record number of people saw Justin Bieber lose. Perfect!

When it comes to embracing iconic haircuts, America would rather bask in the '90s glory of The Rachel rather than the '10s wonderment of The Bieber—well, at least at the box office. Everyone says Bieber is shitty, but today he is officially number two.

Kim Kardashian deploys a team of tailors to sew her butt into her dress. Eva Longoria's new boyfriend has an "Eva" tattoo. Charlie Sheen passes two drug tests. Prince Harry will be Prince William's best man. Monday gossip busts out.

Lady Gaga arrived at the Grammys tonight inside of a translucent cocoon, carried on a litter by a troupe of shirtless gogo dancers. There was absolutely nothing remarkable about this. In fact, bystanders were surprised that the usually flamboyant Lady Gaga chose to wear such a run-of-the-mill outfit on the red carpet.

Bill Murray spent the weekend playing in the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am golf tournament. As of this afternoon, Murray and his partner are in 3rd place. "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion."

• Jennifer Aniston celebrated her 42nd birthday with an "intimate dinner" with Jake Gyllenhaal, her costar in 2002's The Good Girl and a group of friends on Friday in New York. An eyewitness said: "Jake and Jen looked really happy and really seemed to be enjoying themselves." So, obviously, they did it. But what about the group of friends? There were over 30 friends there, including Adam Sandler and Hugh Jackman and Aniston's publicist and her agent. Did she just bring them along as an audience for her and Jake's romantic dinner date? Then they all went back to her place and watched them make out. Awkward. [Life & Style, Gossip Cop]

In its new role as caretaker government, Egypt's military suspended the constitution and dissolved parliament today, and Prime Minister Ahmed Shafiq promised that previously scheduled elections will be held in September. Let's just hope that the country's temporary rulers remain temporary. Here's a round up of today's other news out of Egypt.

Heidi Montag is slagged off by Andy Cohen; the Playboy Mansion sickens dozens, while Levi Johnston's sister announces her intention to pose in the magazine. The precipitating factors ofPete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson's divorce become clear. Chaos reigns in Saturday's gossip roundup.

The city is currently seized by the glamorous thrall of New York Fashion Week. Here are some of the best images from the day, like this model being tortured by some strange beauty ritual at Farah Angsana. [Image via Getty]

The All the Real Girls goddess has signed on to a pretty bland- and regular-sounding Fox sitcom, which is too bad. Also today: Tom Cruise is about to get musical, Gerard Butler continues to annoy and confuse, and Miley Cyrus destroys SNL.

Unable to fix their show's many, many flaws on their own, the Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark production team is turning to focus groups of strangers to help point out weaknesses in their troubled Broadway musical. From Entertainment Weekly:

Even as he convalesces at home, nursing whatever mystery ailment he has, Apple CEO Steve Jobs "is staying closely involved in the company's strategic decisions and product development," according to the Wall Street Journal.

Ke$ha's glitter-squirting vagina has crossover porn appeal. LiLo seeks no-jail plea deal. John Travolta gets a male waiter's phone number. Prince snubs Diddy. Britney Spears dreams of "running with lions." TGIFriday gossip.

[New York Fashion Week kicked off at Lincoln Center today. Rather than look at the clothes, here are some of the fabulous images of what happened backstage, like these models mugging for the cameras before the Vena Cava show. Image via Getty]

Paranoid, vindictive, and possibly insane Fox News boss Roger Ailes has been sitting for interview with every elitist pinko rag in America lately. Now, the bizarre, crowning achievement: New York magazine's Gabriel Sherman is writing an entire book on Fox News, centering on Roger Ailes. The "insidery" media "story behind the story" here is, Gabriel Sherman is not the type one would naturally consider to be a friend of Fox News. Given Ailes' insatiable desire to shoot his mouth off with self-justificatory diatribes, this should be interesting.

Chandler's new show premiered last night where Monica's old-new show should have been, and it blew it out of the water. Also today: lots of pilot casting news including TV roles for movie people, an interesting idea for The Office's future, and a scintillating blind item.

These motorcycles belong to Tom Cruise and David Miscavige, the leader of Scientology. Miscavige's is in the center; Cruise's Honda Rune is on the left and his Triumph Rocket is on the right. Those luscious, deep red tones were custom-painted by Scientology drones earning less than $1 an hour.

Lindsay Lohan says the jewelry store that filed grand theft charges against her keeps changing their story. Scarlett Johansson is supposedly diddling Sean Penn, Jennifer Aniston wants to move to New York, and Pete Wentz is getting divorced against his will. Thursday's gossip makes bad decisions.

Iran's grandmaster of chess, 28-year-old Ehsan Ghaem Maghami, claims to have broken the Guinness world record for simultaneous games yesterday in Tehran, according to AFP. Maghami faced 614 opponents in just over 25 hours — winning 590, or 96 percent of the games. He also paced around the tables for a total of 34 miles.

The annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) starts tomorrow in Washington, D.C. You may think that hanging out with the likes of Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney, talking about why poor people are to blame for all of America's problems, sounds about as appealing as an icepick to the eye.