News comes in today that James Van Der Beek, former Dawson's Creek star and beautiful weep-god from teary heaven, has taken a role on a new sitcom pilot, Don't Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23 (soon to be retitled The Girl Next Door or something equally tame, I'm sure). And it's not just any part; he'll be playing the dynamic role of... himself!

Yesterday New Jersey governor Chris Christie once again talked shit about the cast of Jersey Shore and said he wants New York to "take them back." He really needs to shut up about this.

In your questionable Wednesday media column: Arianna Huffington knows how to pick 'em, buyouts at Newsweek, Whoopi gives America's best newspaper her blessing, Time magazine revamps, and Rolling Stone outsources its cover.

Two TSA agents at JFK were arrested for taking $39,000 from a passenger's luggage in January and have confessed to swiping another $121,000. If TSA agents aren't trying to grab your balls, they're trying to take your money!

Producers at Late Night with David Letterman got a call from a "friend" of Lindsay Lohan and booked her to appear on the show on Thursday through this intermediary. Too bad the "friend" was a fake and LiLo won't be on after all.

It was only a year ago that mini blog mogul Dan Abrams and Men's Health editor and serial plagiarist Dave Zinczenko signed on as investors in The Lion, a new downtown Manhattan "hot spot" that aspired to be the next Waverly Inn: a place where media people and minor celebrities go to hang out, and brag about it the next day. How's that going?

Frankie Muniz's girlfriend said he threatened to kill himself, then punched her in the head. Ryan Phillippe hits on Rihanna, who shoots him down. Pharrell makes goose-stepping cool. Wednesday gossip is all grown up and sort of terrifying.

Libya's Brother Leader Muammar Qaddafi got a taste of the region-wide popular uprisings Tuesday night, after the government there arrested a prominent human rights activist setting off protests in the country's second-largest city, Benghazi. The BBC reports that around 2,000 people took to the streets and threw rocks and molotov cocktails at police, who responded with rubber bullets, teargas and water cannon. "Last night was a bad night," one resident told Reuters.

Not everyone was invited to New York Fashion Week, so here's a little look at what you commoners missed today. Above: Things got electric at the Rodarte show this morning. [Image via AP]

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was indicted today on charges of child prostitution for allegedly paying a then-17-year-old Moroccan girl called "Ruby Heart-Stealer" for sex. His trial will start in April. On the upside, the spectacle will probably distract the Italian public from his two other ongoing prosecutions for tax fraud and bribery. Italy!

We think she looks great and is great, but Hollywood wrote her off for a while, and is now bringing her back in sad old lady roles. It's not fair. Also today: Wentworth Miller is trying to figure out what to do now that he's out of prison, Aaron Sorkin might make fun of himself, and sad news about a promising pilot.

Jealous, perhaps, of female celebrities' busted weaves, Sean Penn went to a press conference today wearing the pelt of a drowned sewer rat on his head. What does this man have against hairbrushes?

Want to break into the competitive world of fashion, be relocated to New York, and get health insurance, a good salary, and a generous clothing allowance? All you have to do is impress Marc Jacobs on Twitter and you can be his professional Twitter slave.

As you may have noticed, the Huffington Post's name begins with the letter "H." But don't say it! Because they've trademarked it. The letter, that is. So it's theirs now.

Billy Ray Cyrus says "there's no doubt" his family is under attack from Satan. LiLo spent Valentine's Day with SamRo. January Jones only feels safe when photographers are near. Tuesday gossip sins.

[No event in New York is photographed as extensively as Fashion Week. Continuing our trip down the glamour rabbit hole, here are some more of the best images from the barrage. This tableau, above, opened the Monique Lhuillier show. Image via AP]

This morning I made fun of Jennifer Aniston because, like Skee-Ball and making brownies from a box, it is fun and easy. Someone took umbrage with my calling her unlovable and rushed to her defense. Quelle horreur!

Julian Assange's Wikileaks has hired torture-loving, Obama-concern-trolling Harvard Law professor Alan Dershowitz to advise it on how to combat the Justice Department's effort to wrestle data about its online behavior from Twitter.

Charlie Sheen, currently the only patient at the Charlie Sheen Celebrity Rehab Center located in Charlie Sheen's House, has decided he's ready to go back to making America's most popular sitcom Two and a Half Men. But they don't want him back!

Last week, Manhattan's highfalutin Century Association made news for its internal argument over whether to sever ties with the Garrick, a club in London that doesn't admit women members. One of the Century members who came down firmly on the side of "I will not be inconvenienced on my next trip to London by silly ladies and their foolishness": 60 Minutes' Morley Safer! The NYT got its hands on a letter that ol' Morley sent to his fellow club members. Enjoy: