The Germans still have Bieber's monkey, OG Mally. They have Mally, even though it's obviously not cool to have your own infant Capuchin monkey anymore, and Bieber has since lost interest in the well-being (or existence) of Mally.

A world-renowned Japanese chef passed away this week after being brutally attacked by two men who had apparently left his restaurant unsatisfied.

In November 2011, following a failed bank robbery, two men in eastern Germany killed themselves and set their van on fire. Inside its scorched remains, police found a CZ 83 handgun, later shown to have been used in a series of murders of immigrant shopowners. They also found a DVD in which "the bodies of the murder victims are pictured while a cartoon Pink Panther tots up the number of dead."

Earlier this month, the world was stunned to learn that The Boy in the Chanel Ski Mask, Justin Bieber, had abandoned his baby capuchin monkey, Mally, in Germany because all prior evidence had indicated that Justin Bieber would make a levelheaded and responsible mother.

Seven palettes of Nutella totaling five metric tons (5.5 tons) were lifted off a truck in the central German town of Niederaula over the weekend.

Last week, the headmaster's nephew Justin Bieber flew to Munich to put on a few performances as part of his world tour. He brought almost all the important things with him: his shoe, his passport, his baby capuchin monkey. Unfortunately, he didn't bring one very, very important thing: the necessary clearance forms so that he would be allowed to bring the monkey in and out of Germany. (Who knew you needed "animal clearance forms" for a friend? What a world.)

The Wall Street Journal, a biweekly newsletter offering money saving tips for moms-of-multiples, published a heartbreaking story Friday addressing an issue which affects all Americans: castles. More specifically, that owning them can be a real headache!

Are you there, God? It's me, German Soldiers. I'm growing breasts on one side of my body. Let's rap about that.

Earlier today, Twitter blocked its first account, a German neo-Nazi group that German police say is a "criminal organization." This is the first time Twitter has ever censored a user's account. Unless, of course, you count Guy Adams, who was temporarily banned after NBC complained to Twitter about Adams's criticism of their Olympic coverage.

Jumping into a pool of frozen water wearing nothing but a Speedo-Hot Pants hybrid would demand of any reasonable primate at least a fleeting expectation of pain.

A high school in Germany's North Rhine-Westphalia region has put in place a ban on homework in order to help relieve some of the pressure put on students following the extension of the school day by several hours.

A German farmer's recent attempt to grow some sunflowers on his property has gone to pot — literally.

A boy who, in another lifetime, might have been a lord of Winterfell is receiving psychological counseling today after hurling a javelin through the jugular vein of a judge during an athletics competition in Germany on Sunday.

Officials at a wildlife park near Frankfurt, Germany, are on the lookout for an escaped kangaroo believed to have been assisted in his getaway by a fox and wild boar.

It's safe to say most athletes are built differently than the rest of us, but this photo of one German athlete's freakishly large quads is still jarring.

Marcel Pohl, a student at The School of Economics and Management in Essen, Germany, says he couldn't believe it when he found out the university was suing him for graduating with a master's degree after just three semesters.

The regional court in the western German city of Cologne ruled yesterday that male circumcision performed for religious reasons could cause permanent and irreparable "bodily harm" to the child and should be banned.

Police in Germany only fired 85 times at or in the vicinity of criminal suspects during the course of 2011, according to a government-commissioned report.

Close call, everyone: a German artist has been denied the ability to perform his piece Death as Metamorphosis, in which he was going to strangle two puppies to death on stage. Despite the horrific, seemingly anti-puppy content, the artist claims he had the noblest of intentions.

Meet Ed Houben, a 42-year-old Dutch nerd who couldn't get laid to save his life until he became a sperm donor. According to a hard-to-believe Der Spiegel article, a Houben actually lost his virginity in a sperm donation situation straight out of a porno: