15-Year-Old Javelin Thrower with Either Worst or Best Aim Kills Judge at Competition
A boy who, in another lifetime, might have been a lord of Winterfell is receiving psychological counseling today after hurling a javelin through the jugular vein of a judge during an athletics competition in Germany on Sunday.
The victim, 74-year-old Dieter Strack, died after undergoing emergency surgery. Newspapers describe him as a "popular" figure in the Düsseldorf sports scene, which means that the 15-year-old Killer of Men didn't just murder someone's old Pop-pop—he murdered someone's Pop-pop whom everybody loved.
The 66th annual Wilhelm Unger games were canceled in the wake of the tragedy. The competition's official website provides phone numbers those who witnessed the incident can call to receive free counseling. (One hotline provides counseling for Protestants, the other provides it for Catholics. Everyone else can skip the counseling because they don't have souls anyway and probably clapped and cheered when Dieter Strack was struck down.)
Witnesses to the gory scene are still trying to figure out exactly how it happened. The fact that teenagers were hurling sharpened spears through the air is likely to blame. (People are suggesting that a gust of wind—an angel's sneeze—may have blown the javelin slightly off course.)
Police spokesman Andre Hartwig said that police had opened an investigation into the judge's death, but that early indications suggested it was an accident, rather than a calculated attempt by a 74-year-old vampire who looks like a 15-year-old boy to eliminate his enemies.
No doubt exactly what that "15-year-old" wants everyone to think.
