♦ You didn't expect to hear that Lydia Hearst actually wrote that column in Page Six magazine by herself, did you? In response to Hearst's accusation that Page Six fabricated her latest column—the one in which she bashed her family's publishing company—the mag now says that Hearst's writing process involved being interviewed by a reporter who then "put her thoughts into cohesive paragraphs." And they have the emails to prove Lydia's trash talk. [P6]
♦ Madonna is reportedly under pressure from the leaders of Kabbalah to reach a divorce settlement quickly, lest the mess cast a negative light on their freaky cult. Guy Ritchie, however, isn't making it any easier now that he's apparently rejected Madge's latest £20 million offer. [Daily Mail, ThisIsLondon]
♦ Michael Phelps got paid $100,000 to swim around at a pool party thrown by a TV network chief's wife. [P6]
♦ It's a match made in heaven: Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Jerry Ferrara, who plays Turtle on Entourage, are dating. [R&M]

• Fashion student Andrea Feick, 19, met U2 singer Bono in a club on the French Rivieria, met up with him later in St. Tropez, walked on the beach with him, posed for a picture in a bikini from his lap and rode on his yacht. She can't believe anyone would insinuate they might be more than friends. He's "much older than I am!" Think that will work on Bono's wife? [Mail]

♦ Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett became parents for the first time on Saturday when Amy gave birth to a son, Archie. [Us]
♦ Madonna is in "meltdown mode," and asked her assistant to gather all the items she received from Guy Ritchie so she can "bury them." Guy, meanwhile, has reportedly said the couple's marriage began to disintegrate when she started planning their sex life around her workout schedule. [MSNBC, Daily Mail]
♦ Jennifer Hudson is offering a $100,000 reward for the return of her nephew, who went missing on Friday when her mother and brother were fatally shot. [People, Access Hollywood]
♦ Lindsay Lohan doesn't want people thinking she's a lesbian just because she's dating a girl. [NYDN]

♦ Are Madonna and Guy Ritchie really divorcing? It might be another rumor or really a Sun exclusive, but the British tabloid says they plan to announce the split as soon as today. [The Sun]
♦ Christie Brinkley is suing Peter Cook for violating the couple's confidentiality agreement by talking about their relationship on 20/20. [NYP]
♦ The "mystery illness" that's caused Janet Jackson to cancel tour dates is supposedly a vestibular migraine, which "induces the sensation of vertigo." The good news is that now she's apparently cured. [ET]
♦ Raffaello Follieri's lawyers yesterday asked a judge to "go easy" on Raffaello in exchange for his quick return to Italy where he'll "never be heard from again." Ha! [NYDN]
♦ The 40-year-old CEO of a company called Future Tech Enterprise on Long Island is actually paying $20,000 to box Michael Lohan. And Stephen Baldwin is now planning to serve as the match judge. [Newsday via NYO]

· We have more info on the lift of the Oscars movie-ad-ban in place since 1953: The Academy will allow one spot per distributor, it must feature only one film, and it must premiere during the telecast. The idea is that the high-profile and elaborate ads themselves will become a reason for the disinterested to tune in—like when gay guys watch the Super Bowl. [Variety] · ABC continued to see steep ratings decline in its Wednesday night lineup, with Private Practice and Dirty Sexy Money both down about 20% from last week's already low numbers. Over at ABC Family, meanwhile, 10 Things I Hate About You will become a weekly series, and Joey Lawrence and Melissa Joan Hart will star in a romcom MOW, tentatively titled, Whoa. [Variety] [THR] After the jump: Which vigilante actor is about to star in a vigilante movie?· Jamie Foxx and pap-busting Spartan Gerard Butler will star in Law Abiding Citizen, appropriately enough about a regular Joe who takes the law into his own hands. [THR] · The newly sovereign, India-based DreamWorks has decided to put off its big Wall Street pitch until the market decides to crawl back out of Satan's anus. [THR] · Mark Burnett will produce an updated version of This Is Your Life, except every week it's going to be Donald Trump's life we're reliving. (And he'll never fail to act surprised.) [TV Week]

"She thinks he's amazing. She talks about him all the time." [Post]

♦ Michael Phelps is telling people he's single even though he's actually dating Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson. [R&M]
♦ Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters airs on Friday, but Christie Brinkley's lawyers now say he violated a confidentiality agreement by speaking with the network. [OK!, ABC News]
♦ Hugh Hefner says his relationship with Holly Madison began to crumble six months ago when they found out his sperm count was too low to father any kids. Also, he's already auditioning new girlfriends. [E!]
♦ Anna Wintour's latest celebrity obsession? Gerard Butler. [P6]

300 star Gerard Butler was apparently involved in a melee with an overzealous paparazzo—TMZ reports the photographer tailed him "for hours...driving recklessly...[and] almost hitting several pedestrians"—resulting in a police investigation of the Scottish actor. Far more disconcerting, however, is the accompanying photo of the shutterbug's Spartan-inflicted orificial injuries. Our first reaction was "Angelina Jolie face-planting on a gravel road." But the more we stared at his scabby kisser, the more it began to morph into a wide variety of everyday objects. Our photoanalysis after the jump:

♦ David Duchovny has left the rehab facility where he's spent the last few weeks receiving treatment for sex addiction. He's now in NYC with wife Tea Leoni. [Us]
♦ Brangelina has left town. The family was spotted walking around New Orleans yesterday. [E!]
♦ Madonna made fun of Sarah Palin at her concert at the Meadowlands on Saturday night. [P6]
♦ Clint Eastwood might think Sarah Palin would make a good VP, although he didn't actually say it in so many words. [P6]
♦ Break out the tissues: Holly Madison says she and Hugh Hefner are no longer together. [TMZ]

King Leonidas, aka Gerard Butler, appeared to be more enthralled by the women of New York City in their summer clothes than the latest and hottest script from Hollywood. Butler said, "I'm sorry, but that girl in the sun dress and that girl with the rolled up Juicy sweatpants that are way more compelling than William Monahan's stab at a romantic comedy." Butler pulled out another script from his messenger bag, but once again became distracted when a group of women exited a nearby Crunch. Butler threw the script back into his bag and promptly left the restaurant. Butler muttered under his breath, "Where does a man have to go to get some reading done in peace? The library? That place smells and it's full of nerds!"

Samantha and Mark Ronson (left) headed to lunch at Bar Pitti ... Michael Phelps turning up for an appearance on CBS' The Early Show ... Kim Kardashian getting out of an SUV near Times Square ... Lindsay Lohan shooting scenes on the set of Ugly Betty ... Kate Hudson and son Ryder going for a walk through the Village ... Gerard Butler leaving a lunch in SoHo ... Katie Holmes leaving rehearsals ... Nina Garcia promoting her new book at an event at Saks ... and Adrian Grenier walking through Midtown.

Popular actor Gerard Butler was not in the mood for surly comments about his filmography while out clubbing in New York City. The Nim's Island star heard a mixture of cheers and jeers as he hopped from hot spot to hot spot. Briefly waiting to get into a club, Butler said, "It's either 'Tonight we dine in hell!,' or what was with P.S. I Love You. Don't get me wrong, it's good to have fans, but sometimes you don't want to be reminded of the past when you just want to go out and hear some Katy Perry and have fun!"

Madonna broke into the public consciousness not because of her vocal talents, but because of her catchy tunes, dance fever, and suggestively nymphomaniac tendencies. But now, the nearly-50-year old has finally morphed into the modern day Britney Spears: she's forcing unwilling male stars to pull down their pants, she's making headlines mainly due to a messy divorce, rumored affairs and plastic surgery rumors. Just as the British tabs begin to accuse the failed director/actress of going under a very sharp knife, it seems as though the exercise addict has used her seduction technique of shooting B-12 shots into hunky acquaintances’ butts. But this time around, unlike the soaring success story that was Justin Timberlake’s energizing vitamin-equipped ass, her second attempt on quasi-ex-husband Guy Ritchie’s newest leading man, Gerard Butler, left the poor man’s Clive Owen “severely ill.” Butler’s tale of Madge’s terrorist attack on his “little bum,” plus the allegations being made about how the extremes the Yankee doodler’s “grueling” beauty regime have affected her oddly sharp cheekbones and “popping veins,” after the jump.Cameron Diaz' ex and 3000 star Gerard Butler (we keep trying to forget that we first noticed him in Phantom Of The Opera even though every time we see his now-rugged face we can't help picturing him over-earnestly busting out "Music Of The Night") is fortunate enough to be starring in Ritchie's upcoming Rocknrolla, which means he was unfortunate enough to run into Madge at some point during filming. And as we learned months ago, the Ritchie groupie is always equipped with a baggie filled with needles filled to the brim with Lindsay Lohan's favorite "asthma attack" cure, Vitamin B-12. But according to Butler, the normally healthy kick to the ass advertised extensively be Madonna's most fickle supporter/critic Justin Timberlake, "the injection failed to boost Butler's immune system - and left him feeling worse than before." Even more embarrassing for Madge, Butler describes her as "the nurse" on set. Meaning she's gone from platinum singer to failed director to failed on-set medical assistant. Frankly we don't blame her if she did get some "filler in her cheeks," as a Daily Mail plastic surgery believes. A little nip and tuck, which, in Madonna's case, doesn't look as horrific as the tab makes it out to be, can go a long way in boosting one's self-esteem. Just look at Bat Face victim Nicole Kidman — it's almost like she never looks unhappy, even when she's so bored by her husband's music that she nods out for a while! [Photo credits: Splash]

As noted here yesterday, we missed the Fox PR Caravan to San Diego Comic-Con, but that shouldn't suggest we don't (or you shouldn't) care about the geek gangbang unfolding as we speak. To the contrary, we've actually managed to find a handful of highlights worth passing along, from Rose McGowan's overactive tongue to Benicio Del Toro's narcolepsy to an all-Lego Batman — and more! It's the next best thing to not being there, we promise! ·You'll never believe it, but Nikki Finke also stayed home, instead publishing dispatches by the New Times chain's resident nerd-hack Luke Y. Thompson. And what a run he's had, with his marathon Thursday bringing us hints at a Keanu Reeves love-in (we'll get to that) and the indelible image of Rose McGowan's Red Sonja knife-licking. She and Robert Rodriguez apparently remain a couple despite all kinds of fun rumors otherwise and, obviously, despite the worst movie poster to ever debut at Comic-Con. That said, hemogravy is hot with the ladies these days, so maybe we're the ones out of touch.·LYT draws praise, meanwhile, from David Poland, who also decided to crunch some numbers from the comfort of his own couch:

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Going through a tough breakup is never easy, but the subsequent tendency to canoodle with every available bachelor in town on a weekly basis rarely helps ease the pain. Case in point: Cameron Diaz, who has most recently been spotted "holding hands" with Entourage star and professional party-goer Kevin Connolly. And it seems like only yesterday when Diaz made out with Jason Patric on a beach, and only last week when Diaz was linked to 300 star Gerard Butler. And the list has gone on and on — Criss Angel! Djimon Hounsou! — ever since long-term boyfriend Justin Timberlake headed for curvier pastures last year. We take a closer look at the self-professed "boy-crazy" Cameron's evening with E after the jump.

Just when we'd finally erased those awkward on-set pictures of Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn kneeling in the sand from our memory, Cameron Diaz has swooped in to kiss a co-star on the beach and remind us. Photo agency JFX snapped photos of the boy-crazy Diaz manhandling long-forgotten former hunk Jason Patric into a makeout session on the set of their film My Sister's Keeper, while co-star Sofia Vassileva looked on. And normally we'd assume Diaz and Patric were simply filming a scene, but the severe lack of make-up and styling, not to mention the severe presence of Jason's plumber butt, suggest the cameras weren't rolling at the time.

At long last, P.S. I Love You, a heart-string-tugging romantic fable about a gay Spartan warrior and a drag king boxer's inability to make love work, arrives in theaters today. As promising as that setup sounds, the reviews are mostly terrible, with the Hilary Swank/Gerard Butler vehicle inspiring movie critics to some of their most creatively bilious work in recent memory:

· Gerard Butler, still red-hot following his career-making, washboard-ab-spotlighting turn in 300, will join Jodie Foster and Abigail "Im in Dakota's career, steelin her rolez" Breslin in the family adventure film Nim's Island, based on the popular children's book. [Variety]
· Out-of-work and aspiring comedy writers, it might finally be time to pull the ripcord and float to the safety of law school: the networks ordered precious few comedies for the new season, are terrified of the expense of still-faddish single-camera shows, and want to squeeze the life out of established sitcoms for fear of a writers strike. Get out while your LSAT scores are still valid. [THR]
· MGM is dangerously close to getting into the Rob Schneider business. [Variety]
· ABC declined to pick up their Mr & Mrs Smith adaptation, triggering a contractual option that will allow studio Regency TV to start shopping the Alphabet's sloppy pilot seconds to other networks. [THR]
· Mexican filmmaking BFFs Alfonso Cuaron, Guillermo del Toro, and Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu have signed on to do five movies with Universal and Focus Features, establishing a production company called (really) cha cha cha. [Variety]

· A stunning reform movement sweeps the Academy of TV Arts & Sciences! Two new Emmy rules have been introduced: The "Lost" Rule, in which potential nominees must provide an up to 250 word essay describing what the hell their show is about to assist lazy Academy staffers in the nomination process, and The Ellen Burstyn Rule, requiring that actors must have appeared in at least 5 percent of a given program to be eligible for awards immortality. [Variety]
· Steven Spielberg is shacking up with Showtime, developing the comedy The United States of Tara, concerning the Weeds-style seriocomic adventures of a suburban housewife afflicted with multiple personality disorder. The leading role is described as "a potential tour de force" for the lucky actress ultimately selected for play the one-woman ensemble. [Variety]
· New Line announces it will remake Escape from New York with star Gerard Butler, an actor so red-hot off 300's huge opening weekend that he has now earned the chance to pick up Kurt Russell's sloppy seconds. [THR]
· Var's Peter Bart weighs in on the Great Critics Vs. Crap-Craving Moviegoers War of Early 2007, suggesting the reviewers are so weary after their losing battles with 300, Norbit, Wild Hogs, and Ghost Rider that they might need to take a vacation until September, when more artiscally minded product finally surfaces. [Variety]