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At long last, P.S. I Love You, a heart-string-tugging romantic fable about a gay Spartan warrior and a drag king boxer's inability to make love work, arrives in theaters today. As promising as that setup sounds, the reviews are mostly terrible, with the Hilary Swank/Gerard Butler vehicle inspiring movie critics to some of their most creatively bilious work in recent memory:

· Everything about her is hard: her chiseled jawline, her abs—even her eyes, which can radiate fear and anger with such force, are incapable of softening enough to make her turn as Holly, who is supposed to be klutzy and lovably unfocused, believable. [Chicago Tribune]
· This movie doesn't have enough fresh air to play on Oxygen. Its agenda might be epistolary, but its brain is covered in Post-its. [Boston Globe]

· "Pulling our strings is one thing; taking us for a fool is quite another - the puppet-master must play fair. Which is why P.S. I Love You, adapted from the novel by Cecelia Ahern, is so damned annoying - this sappy thing is a two-hour cheat that never plays fair for a nanosecond." [Globe and Mail]
· "Chick pap. FYI, there's zero chemistry between P.S. I Love You's two commodified headliners." [EW]
· "Has any two-time Oscar winner ever made as many bad movies as Hilary Swank? A protracted piece of schmaltz, "P.S. I Love You" looks like a hand-me-down from Sandra Bullock and Drew Barrymore." [NY Post]
· "This is a movie that will leave you stunned and stupefied from beginning to end, if you don't head for the exits first." [SF Chronicle]

And a positive one:

· "There are several cringe-worthy set pieces, some involving Mr. Butler and a guitar...yet it charms, however awkwardly." [NY Times]