300 star Gerard Butler was apparently involved in a melee with an overzealous paparazzo—TMZ reports the photographer tailed him "for hours...driving recklessly...[and] almost hitting several pedestrians"—resulting in a police investigation of the Scottish actor. Far more disconcerting, however, is the accompanying photo of the shutterbug's Spartan-inflicted orificial injuries. Our first reaction was "Angelina Jolie face-planting on a gravel road." But the more we stared at his scabby kisser, the more it began to morph into a wide variety of everyday objects. Our photoanalysis after the jump:

1. A Cherry Blossom This delicious Lowney chocolate treat, familiar primarily to Canadians, evokes the injuries both in shape and oozing red viscous substances. 2. Molls's Vagina Costume Here we have America's favorite videographer and ToDoLogist dressed up as the most popular character at one of Anaheim's lesser-known attractions, Reproductive Land. Lay her on her side, and it's a dead-ringer for the crusty pout. 3. Rolling Stones Logo Pretty much self-explanatory, though we could have just as easily gone with a photo of Keith Richards's liver. 4. A Pastrami Sandwich This delicatessen classic looks a lot like a mutilated paparazzo's mouth, even more so had Butler decided to attack his pursuer with a mustard dispenser. 5. A Funny Face Made Out of Silly Putty Oh, who really cares about that shmucky pap. Look at the silly face! It stretches! And picks up transfers of For Better or For Worse! Funzies!