With fidgety stars corralled into the Kodak Theater for nearly four hours of Church of Hollywood sermonizing, it's no wonder that the Governor's Ball, the first and most stately of all the post-Oscars soirées, is invariably a successful event. It allows winners, also-rans, and Oscar-shaped agents alike to mingle in a fantasy-like setting, occasionally snapping retractable tongues far enough to catch a cherry-flavored bubble floating their way. (We're not even joking—watch that Making Of the Governor's Ball Desserts featurette, sure to be one of the highlights of the 2008 Oscars DVD extras.) The LAT was lucky enough to be seated at the Michael Clayton table, where Jelly Bean Clooney (not the swing-era jazz titan, but The Last Movie Star) was realistic about his poor showing:

While we've attempted to handicap the Oscars acting races as best as we know how, we've failed to factor in one crucial angle: how yumcakes the male nominees look without a shirt on! Luckily, TheSword.com (site mildly NSFW) has come through, compiling A Shirtless Gallery of all the sexy thespians up for gold. It's a seemingly wonderful idea that takes a turn for the not-so-wonderful when they veer into Hoffman/Holbrook/Wilkinson territory.

Except for (maybe) George Clooney, the nominees for Best Actor at this year's Oscars aren't known for playing it safe on the red carpet. From Daniel Day-Lewis's preference for tiny suits to Viggo Mortensen's disdain for anything bland, we're not accustomed to seeing plain penguin tuxes from this group. But judging from their track records, they all have ways of showing their true colors without actually wearing them all at once. So we reviewed their greatest hits and greatest misses to figure out which way they should swing on Sunday.

George Clooney has declared himself the Hillary Clinton of the Oscars in one of the smartest swipes ever taken at the Democratic presidential candidate. Clooney is a huge, huge Barack Obama fan, having called him "the best candidate I've ever seen" and basically declaring he should be president from now until eternity. And he recently got a huge platform to bolster the candidate as the cover boy on the Mar. 3 issue of Time, which included a Sam Jones photo spread and a feature article from Joel Stein, who had Clooney over for dinner. But of course Time doesn't care much about movie megastar Clooney's political punditry, so he had to sneak in his attack as part of an roundup of his Oscar picks, in which he declared he will lose his shot at the Best Actor Oscar, just like a certain loser politician will lose her shot at Best Democrat In A Leading Role. Clooney's exact words, plus bonus video of the actor at Stein's house, after the jump.

· You might recognize Thomas Dekker as the almost- but-not -quite -gay Zach from Heroes, or as a young John Connor on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. In this photoshoot, we like to imagine he's listening to an advanced copy of Kylie's latest, and just celebrating all the great things happening to his career. [Queerty]

· Thursday Evening Mind-Melt, Pt. 1: You want meta? Here's your meta: Michel Gondry "swedes" his own Be Kind Rewind trailer. (Now get Amanda Bynes to swede the sweded trailer, and you're likely to have your brains run right out your ears!) [YouTube via The Thighmaster]

· MTV Movie Blog's Josh Horowitz always fantasized about starring in one of those parody Oscar openings, so he went ahead and made one himself. He looks curiously fetching in a Tilda Swinton wig. [moviesblog.mtv.com]

· Thursday Evening Mind-Melt, Pt. 2: It's the Twin Peaks backwards-dancing-midget dream sequence....Backwards. [YouTube]

· Jelly Bean Clooney! [PageSix.com]

Sigh. Fat Clooney, Black and White Clooney, U.N. Clooney, even bathroom stall Clooney—there's just no one quite like George. Just ask Time magazine columnist Joel Stein, who, assigned with the burden of perhaps one of the most culturally significant cover stories of our time (hint: it's called "The Last Movie Star,"), did the nearly unthinkable: He invited the Michael Clayton star to his home. For a home-cooked dinner. And George said yes.

Why else would he do a publicity campaign with the voting already done? But Clooney is smooth, so very smooth: he goes to dinner at Time writer Joel Stein's house and actually starts doing home repairs on the guy's house after a couple bottles of wine. He's also got the fame game completely figured out, hates Bill O'Reilly, and he knows that all the work he does in Darfur isn't really helping.

• To unveil her new video, "Break The Ice," Britney Spears will appear on Total Request Live, and has been practicing for everything at her favorite dance studio. Hopefully that includes the dance-and-boob-flash synchronization she carefully rehearsed in January, because there's nothing more embarrassing than an out-of-rhythm wardrobe malfunction. [Showbiz Spy]

Yesterday, Variety reported that several Big Name Actors were about to kick off a public campaign to shame convince SAG's leadership and the studios to pick up a phone and arrange the kind of pleasant little rap session with moguls like News Corps' Peter Chernin, Disney's Bob Iger and CBS's Les "Negotiations Are Fun! Let's Do One Every Week at My Place! I'll Even Spring for the Bagels!" Moonves that helped to end the writers strike, hoping that getting a jump on things before their Guild's contract expires at the end of June might help to avoid another one of those mildly inconvenient, 100-day shutdowns of the industry that seem wildly passé at this point. The first of these exhortations are appearing in the trades today, with the initial installment authored by George Clooney, Robert De Niro, Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep, a line-up so laden with Oscar hardware that Hollywood has no choice but to take notice of their plea.

The dapper Facts of Life star was recently quoted as saying: "There is a strange pecking order among actors. Theater actors look down on film actors, who look down on TV actors. Thank God for reality shows, or we wouldn't have anybody to look down on." Oh what a jerk! What did Jonny Fairplay ever do to you? Besides existing, I mean. This is just going to crush Samantha Harris, host of Dancing With the Stars, who had recently issued Clooney something of a dare to appear on the show. I guess she'll have to settle for Tanya from The Real World or something. Oh my god! I think I look down on them too. That means I'm basically George Clooney! [Showbiz Spy]

Earlier this afternoon, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences welcomed awards hopefuls to its annual luncheon, where nominees are free to mingle with both colleagues and competitors in a low-pressure environment, enjoy a delicious meal, and generally bask in the glow of their potential Oscar glory. Perhaps infected with the giddy spirit of cautious optimism spreading through the industry following the new round of rumors about an impending, Oscars-salvaging deal between the WGA and AMPTP, today's event seemed like little more than a high-wattage nice-off to see who could offer the most vigorous reacharound to his or her peers, according to the LAT:

· 2008's January box office is up 18% over last year, thanks to both newly released, pump-and-dump triumphs like Cloverfield and steadier earners holding over from December, like National Treasure and the Chipmunks movie. [Variety]
· Fox's still-disappointing Moment of Truth (current number of lives ruined by the televised revelation of their past sins: 0) falls off sharply from last week's huge premiere numbers, but still finished behind only American Idol on the night. [THR]
· Where in the world is Oscar-nominated U.N. messenger of peace George Clooney? At U.N. headquarters, trying to convince headshot-wielding staffers to let him put down his Sharpie long enough to fill them in on the atrocities he just witnessed in Darfur. [Variety]

Related: Sources: George Clooney Looking Good [The Onion]

[George Clooney photographed today outside his midtown Manhattan hotel; image via INF]

[Celebrity activist and busybody George Clooney spotted in New York City today, image via INF]

What kind of Bizarro Hollywood are we living in, where the Critics' Choice Awards could very well become one of the crowning moments of the 2008 awards season? We've never been so desperately in need of the SAGgies in all our lives! But we're getting ahead of ourselves. First, a round-up of last night's delightfully well-attended Broadcast Film Critics Association honors:
· No Country For Old Men took the most trophies—whose design fittingly looks like some kind of torture device Anton Chigurh might use—including Picture, Director, and Supporting actor. Juno and Hairspray took two lesser awards each. Daniel Day-Lewis and Julie Christie took Actor and Actress, respectively. [AP]
· The last stars to arrive were also the biggest: George Clooney, then Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, who managed to pry Angelina away from reporters before she could tell them about her desire to adopt America Ferrera, or any of this year's other Golden Globes orphans. [The Envelope]

Despite the flaccid-sounding acronym, there's nothing namby-pamby about the SAG awards—the greatest honor Hollywood's thespians can bestow upon each other (besides, of course, the Oscars, the Backstage Westies, and the Craigslist Jobs: TV/Film/Video Awards). Jeanne Tripplehorn and Terrence Howard announced this year's nominees early this morning to an enraptured crowd of before-hours cleaning crew and building security at the Pacific Design Center:

· Why doesn't this surprise us: As his ex-wife recovers from a fainting spell, David Gest is standing in the wings, ready to take her place.
· One winner claims The Price is Right is giving away lemons.
· Alec Baldwin pledges to hold the Golden Globes at his place this year, with a deli spread to rival anything those fancypants Wolfgang Puck-types could come up with at the Beverly Hilton.
· "Sources: George Clooney Looking Good"
· Katie Holmes spills all of Tom Cruise's turn-ons to In Style, including the platinum Harry Winston ankle-shackles he had specially made for the couple's first anniversary.

· George Clooney is sincerely sorry that he couldn't appear in person for the American Cinematheque's tribute to Ocean's 12 co-star Julia Roberts; additionally, he's sorry to be stuck in a bathroom doing stale Larry Craig jokes, even if his toe-tapping, prospective stall-sex partner is partner-in-crime Brad Pitt.
· Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Tweety Bird are ordered to testify in a counterfeiting case by an Italian court, a summons Disney's local bureau denied on the grounds that the characters are not real.
· Mr. Tumnus denies that he's been tapped to play Kurt Cobain.
· CostCo's casket-and-urn aisle has always been our favorite, though we find the card tables where employees offer free cremains samples to be a little off-putting. [via Boing Boing]

Pow! That's the sound of a pneumatic cattle bolt flying into our awards-crazy melons, officially marking the start of Oscar Season: The National Board of Review has named No Country for Old Men their best film of 2007. Other big wins: George Clooney for best actor in Michael Clayton, Tim Burton for best director for Sweeney Todd, and Emile Hirsch and Ellen Page won breakthrough performances for Into the Wild and Juno, respectively. [Reuters]