Unlike pal George Clooney, who steps out onto his front porch each morning and sings a love song to Hollywood with the chorus of bluebirds who've alighted upon his outstretched arms, a gloomy, world-weary Brad Pitt seems to be waiting around for someone to tell him his time is up: "I figure I've got very few films left. Who knows how many I'll get to do now, so I want to do something I'm interested in. Otherwise, I don't want to bother. I think it's a younger person's game." And oh yeah: no more nude scenes, because he doesn't want to be sitting on the couch with Maddox and Pax years from now, having to sheepishly explain why daddy thought that having his ass exposed or wang hanging out was "essential to the character" when one of his movies turns up on HBO. [People]

We're not even sure what Star Wars character onto which this Worth 1000 Photoshop contest entrant digitally crafted George Clooney's face, but the resulting, lantern-jawed creature with those unmistakable Old Hollywood good looks is almost guaranteed not to be going home alone after last call at the Mos Eisley cantina. [Worth1000]

Fabio, a man who once got beat up by a pigeon goose on a roller coaster, was recently spotted at Equinox in LA bragging about how he "schooled" aging icon George Clooney during a shoving match at the LA restaurant Madeo. (By "schooled," he means "pot-kettleishly called a 'diva.'")

This week's special issue of People—perhaps the magazine's second-most anticipated installment behind its annual Baby Bumps, Secret Weddings, and Conspicuous Nose Jobs spectacular—brings some happy news: Matt Damon will wear the magazine's Sexiest Man Alive tiara for the next 12 months, a choice that may indicate a seismic shift in the criteria it uses to select its honorees; if this newly established precedent holds, we may be entering a Golden Age of Sexy Lists in which less conventionally handsome Hollywood stars (work out all you want, Matt, you still have the face of a cherub who can't quite lose those last three pounds of baby-angel fat) can compete on equal footing with the throbbing slabs of leading-man-beef who tend to dominate the glossies' evaluations of Hollywood hunksmanship. People explains its choice:

As a follow-up to this morning's post about a scuffle at Madeo between reigning hunks of two widely differing showbiz arenas—George Clooney and Fabio—we pass along this photo evidence, obtained by TMZ. In the pictures, the famed Lake Como resident is clearly seen delivering a middle-fingered salute in the direction of the male model, as annoyed that his extremely recognizable face might wind up on Fabio's Flickr page as he was that his nemesis's spoken-word album, "Fabio After Dark," had outsold his own, "A Few of George Clooney's Favorite Things," by a ratio of nearly two-to-one.

In an unlikely celestial confluence that saw the collision of the A-listiest of conscience-bearing Hollywood marquee idols with the synthetic-butter- substitute -hawking former star of Acapulco H.E.A.T., In Touch Weekly is reporting that a disagreement erupted between George Clooney and Fabio at Madeo Friday night, nearly bringing the two men to fisticuffs:

• Britney Spears has to pay $120,000 of her ex-husband Kevin Federline's attorney fees because he has "no net income." [Us Weekly]
  

With Oprah Approved™ presidential hopeful Barack Obama trailing to Hillary Clinton, it would seem the voiced support of Angelina Jolie's do-gooding wingman—rounding out a megastar hat-trick that already includes George Clooney and Matt Damon—would be precisely what the candidate needs to get ahead in the polls. However, fearing heartland voters might be turned off by the endorsement of someone perceived as an overly privileged and left-leaning actor who's "all shacked-up with that vampire lady and her 14 colored kids," Obama's campaign has kindly declined Brad Pitt's generous offer:

· The WGA, in an aggressive measure meant to show the studios that the protracted ball-tickling session that's defined the negotiations until now must come to an end, has redrafted and broadened their strike rules to now allow for "pug-faced studio types so much as looking at us funny." [Variety]
· Hollywood's dreamy consciences George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio may team up for Warner Bros.'s adaptation of Farragut North, a play loosely based on the Howard Dean campaign. (Sorry Jake, torture-lovers not invited to the party.) [Variety]
· The rumors are true! After 50 years, NBC is moving from its legendary plot in Burbank to a spot across the street from Universal Studios. NBC plans to sell the real estate to a single wholesale retail giant, who'll develop it into independent nation state Costcovia, where every man, woman, and child is guaranteed a pickle-barrel-sized container of mayonnaise. [Variety]
· Private Practice's audience continues to grow, and Pushing Daisies won its timeslot despite coming down from its premiere numbers. Bionic Woman, however continues to plunge steadily since its first week, throwing the future of Isaiah Washington's triumphant comeback into question. [THR]
· Medium creator Glenn Gordon Caron gets a two-year deal at CBS, mainly on the strength of his Patricia-Arquette's-Rack-in-3D initiatives. [THR]

A boatload of staffers (27 of 'em!) have been suspended at the Palisades Medical Center in New Jersey, where George Clooney and his galpal were taken after ending up on the crap side of some illegal road maneuvers. Apparently the staffers' inner gossip queens couldn't resist taking a peek into Clooney's medical file, thus violating patient privacy laws. In a statement today, Clooney told reporters, "While I very much believe in a patients [sic] right to privacy, I would hope that this could be settled without suspending medical workers." Aww. You tell 'em, Dr. Ross. But weird, right? We sort of figured his previously stated opinions on privacy would trump any other concerns! Perhaps we underestimated him.

Brooklyn Heights was the scene of a terrible tragedy on Saturday night, when the shooting of the new Coen brothers movie with George Clooney and Brad Pitt at Clinton and State streets somehow took out the cable T.V. in local buildings. Reports a resident: With no T.V. to soothe the masses, the streets were filled with "throngs of otherwise too-good-for-celebrity stalking parents camped out with their children for a sighting. Street reporting revealed nobody had gotten one but I did spot one five or six year old boy, bent-legged on the sidewalk, head resting in his small hands and asleep. I'm calling child welfare...."

· Universal is pushing the release of George Clooney's Leatherheads from December to April, so that Clooney can "incorporate additional footage and honor previous commitments," hoping that the extra four months will be more than enough time for the director/star to fix all the things they can't publicly admit they don't like about the film. [Variety]
· 30 Rock's season premiere Jerry Seinfeld stunt-cameo pays off, as the show set its series record for 18-49 viewers. CBS, however, won the night over ABC behind CSI and Survivor. [THR]
· Fox makes a series commitment to spooky, X-Files-ish, Twilight Zone-y J.J. Abrams show Fringe, which he plans to kick off with a $10 million, two-hour pilot. [Variety]
· About $20 million worth of people who were entertained by There's Something About Mary are expected to turn out to be disappointed by the Farrelly brothers' reunion with Ben Stiller in The Heartbreak Kid. [THR]
· Warner Bros. shells out $2 million for the bachelor party spec script Hangover (logline: Dude, Where's My Groom?), which they hope director Todd Phillips can crank out before the strike that may or may not be on its way. [Variety]

Will superfine motorcyclist George Clooney be the latest celebrity to participate in the U.K. Independent's gimmicky Famous Guest Editor campaign? According to the Guardian, the Ocean's Eleven star is in negotiations with the paper. He'd be following in Bono's footsteps. [Guardian]

The date: September 21, 2007, 11am
The place: Broadway and Spring
Sighted: George Clooney on a motorcycle with that blonde he's been dating. He was stopped at a light and when he noticed I was staring at him he gave that coy little smirk he's famous for, then sped away. Though he's probably 40 years my senior, my knees still went a little weak.

· Just in case you need to see video of a relatively intact George Clooney working his red carpet magic to know he's really going to be OK, here you go.
· Say what you will about Britney Spears, but she did learn to put on shoes when using public restrooms. That's measurable progress, even if the leap forward came because of a session with a court-ordered bathroom-hygiene coach.
· And while we're talking about her, Sarah Silverman shrugs off her "adorable mistakes" joke from the VMAs.
· Sometimes we really worry about the folks at TMZ. We hope they run footage of the staff meeting pitch that resulted in that post on tonight's show: "OK, remember Baby Spice? Well, she's selling pasta sauce. What do you say we Photoshop up something where it looks like Chef Boyardee took a dump on her head?"
· And finally: Tiny couch lizard.

Transcripts and audio of the 911 call made immediately following George Clooney's recent motorcycle accident confirm that at no time did the man driving the vehicle involved in the crash scream, "OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! I TOTALLY HIT GEORGE CLOONEY! SOMEONE CALL BRAD PITT OR SOMETHING!" or did a starstruck emergency operator ask, "Does he look all butch and handsome in his biker get-up? And can you pull off his helmet and give him a little kiss for me?" [Extra, TMZ]

Good news: Despite being involved in a Friday afternoon motorcycle accident that left him with a hairline rib fracture and his ladyfriend-of-the-moment with a broken foot, the quick-healing George Clooney was well enough to mesmerize Nancy O'Dell with his legendary charm. Meanwhile, AH partner Billy Bush's impressive legwork reveals that the guy on the other end of the crash was too stunned to realize that he was supposed to be impressed that he'd pancaked a Hollywood superstar: "My main concern was there's two people on the ground, they just hit me and, you know, I'm concerned for them. They're both bleeding, it's more of a shock than anything, not because he's a celebrity but more to the fact that there's two people hurt on the ground that could have been severely hurt." [Access Hollywood]

• Ohmygod you guys!! SATC movie SPOILER! It seems that Charlotte's hungry womb finally gets filled (unless it's a dream sequence!). [Us Weekly]