“Men,” the less popular version of women, have shorter life spans, more violent tendencies, and less academic success. Are acronyms the solution to our national masculinity crisis?

Last week an ad was emailed to J. Crew customers featuring a photo of the company's president and creative director Jenna Lyons and her son in which she was painting his toenails pink. A caption below the picture read: "Lucky for me I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink. Toenail painting is way more fun in neon." Oh, fun. Good for her. Good for him. Right? Wrong. This is an outrage!

Sorry, it's just science. A new study confirms that men whose wives make more than they do are more likely to cheat. This study was conducted by a PhD student from Cornell—an Ivy!—so it must be real.

You know what people like reading about? Penises! Half the population has one and the other half wants to get up on one. (Like the mainstream media, I choose to ignore lesbians.) Knowing what a hit these little (or big) guys are, CBS has a rundown of five things you did not know about your penis. Like No. 1: "Your Penis Does Have a Mind of Its Own". In eighth grade Latin, this kid would have the most awkward erections while we waited in the hallway before class to start. Now I know that his sentient penis just enjoyed dead languages. More shockers after the jump!