· In an instant message interview with AOL Music today, Jared Leto announced to the world he's as "gay as a goose." He wisely waited until his fatty period was over, avoiding an embarrassing rejection by his new adoptive people.
· In further goose news, if you haven't seen this moment from last night's American Idol finale, in which one of their creepiest early rejects gets the panty-pooping shock of his life when Clay Aiken (who appears to have found a new best friend in Garnier Nutrisse) joins him on stage, well...you must. You simply must. And while we're at it, here's Kevin Covais, who's probably getting more puthy than you ever thought potthible, warbling through a Bacharach classic.
· And in even further goose news, we proudly present the following comic book movie headlines: "Superman' Director Bryan Singer Relates To Outcast Hero," and "The 'X-Men' come out."
· Our grandmother is a sexier, more coordinated dancer than Paris Hilton. Oh, and there's a nipple slip in there, which would really thrill and titillate us if we hadn't already been introduced to her clitoris on multiple occasions.

A loyal reader crunches the numbers to prove what we all already knew:

Well, dagnabit, we don't know how we missed this one. Sure, there's Fleet Week bringing thousands of horny, muscled sailors to New York this weekend. And, sure, there's also the Bingham Cup bringing 1,000 jocky, beefy gay rugby players to town. But now it turns out tomorrow is also the start of New York City Hoedown 2006, which will bring a hotel full of sequined, line-dancing gay cowboys to Manhattan for three days of dances and parties.

From Craigslist, this morning alone:

There's no particularly great reason to be telling you about this, except that several people excitedly told us about it yesterday and, knowing the proclivities of a good chunk of you folks, we suspect you'll be excited about it, too. There's a gay rugby tournament coming to the city this weekend. That is to say, there will be something like 1,000 big burly gay jocks wandering the streets of Manhattan this weekend.

We know you already have your 2(x)ist boxerbriefs in a twist over the forthcoming release of The Confession, the memoir from Gay American and former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, scheduled for release in the fall. But the fabulous Andy Towle today notes how Amazon.com will make the ineffable pleasure of reading about Jimbo's sexual awakening even more pleasurable:

Because without it, sometimes bigots wouldn't get a fair hearing.

Two views of recently deceased NYT executive editor Abe Rosenthal. First, from yesterday's memorial service:

Portia de Rossi credits her girlfriend Ellen DeGeneres with having helped her overcome a life-threatening eating disorder:

Oxfeld: did you know, before the sunday times told you, that "poseidon adventure" was a big gay movie?
Coen: i had no idea. but once i read that, i assumed you had watched it during your pubescent years and have since associated tidal waves with the tidal wave of emotion in realizing you liked boys.
Oxfeld: i had no idea till yesterday
Coen: really? but now, when you see trailers for it, you get a little turned on — right?
Oxfeld: um, no.
Oxfeld: haven't seen a trailer. never saw the movie.
Coen: then you're not really gay!
Oxfeld: right. didn't see it cause pubescent years were otherwise occupied with streisand flicks and golden girls.

We think we finally have some clue as to why Ryan Seacrest closes every Tuesday night episode of American Idol with a hearty endorsement for the Fox reality series immediately following it, Unan1mous. reality blurred notes that one of the show's "contestants" (we use scare quotes because of rampant rumors that everyone is planted except for sad sack bear pin-up boy Steve), "self-described womanizer" Jonathan, is featured [pictures VERY NSFW] getting frisky with an SUV on a gay porn site. We imagine life must become that much harder for an old fashioned, God-fearin' womanizer to go about his womanizing duties once the world has seen you doing the proctologist's spread over a driver's seat. For that reason alone, we think Jonathan should get the million dollars, or whatever the hell it is they're arguing about in that bunker.

Towleroad noted a segment from Jimmy Kimmel Live last week (we found the clip on YouTube) in which Joseph Gannoscoli, the actor who plays Vito, was sent with a camera to West Hollywood's best known gay bar, The Abbey. Why? We're not exactly sure—something about interviewing the owner about membership in the "pink mafia." (In Kimmel's world, adding "gay" to anything makes for instant comedy.) Other highlights include a heated discussion with porn star Max Grand over whether or not Vito is his type (he isn't), and a provocative encounter with a bowl of sliced apples ("Get a load of this fruit!") Luckily, no whack jobs transpire, unless you count a brief interaction between clientele at the bars' furthest urinals.

An Editor's Note in yesterday's Sunday Styles:

No, not even a show about the escapades of a group of oversexed LA lesbians and starring Jennifer Beals could convince us to pay the Showtime subscription fee, though we must admit they have just sweetened the deal with the addition of Marlee Matlin to the cast. According to the AP, Matlin's character is "a fiery artist who catches the attention of Jennifer Beals' character." We're pretty sure "fiery" in this instance is family-friendly newspaper code for "insatiable woman-on-woman-loving slutbag," though the coyly reported story makes no guarantees Matlin will submit to the onetime Flashdancing welder's allure. USA Today's caption on the accompanying photo further confuses things, claiming Matlin is "Jessica Biel's new love interest,"* which we'll dismiss as the unfortunate byproduct of a horny photo editor allowing his deskbound fantasies to bleed into his professional life.

Gay blogger Andy Towle (by which mean he runs a blog on gay topics, not that he's a blogger who happens to like boys) today answers a question that has plagued us all at one point or another: How do you possibly get the Chelsea boys to pay attention to you? Turn out it's easy: Ride an enormous white horse down Eighth Avenue. Duh.

Good Morning America film critic Joel "I loved it!" Siegel rounds up the coming summer blockbusters on ABCNews.com, noting that the average budget comes in at around $160 million, or $80 million per Sonny Crockett beer boob. He also makes the following observation about a creative bit of studio counterprogramming:

Speaking of England and queens, it seems worth pointing out this oh-so-clever press release, issued this week by powerhouse publicists Dan Klores Communications:

April 21 is the Queen's official birthday (our mom's, too — happy birthday, mom and Liz), and today the British press is pulling out all the stops for coverage of her 80th. The American press isn't ignoring it, either, especially not John Roberts, the CNN national correspondent who was once considered the likely heir to Dan Rather's throne. Here's how he introduced the story while anchoring American Morning today:

Since coming out of the closet last year, Star Trek's George Takei has become a formidable gay celebrity role model. The two concepts sit alongside each other quite comfortably, as evidenced in the accompanying photo which ran with his coming out story back in October: Gay Takei, literally staring out at the world through rose-colored glasses as he proudly salutes his fans with the Vulcan shocker. For further proof, watch how the Roddenberrian and queer imagery intermesh effortlessly in this report of the actor lending his voice to a gay rights demonstration in Minneapolis:

And, you wonder, if Jared Paul Stern's clothing line is anywhere close to successful, why would he need an infusion of cash from any billionaire, whether one being shaken down or otherwise?