Frank Bruni drops by Porchetta, our friend Jason Neroni's Carroll Gardens pig emporioum. Frank gives the place a respectable one star (which should count as two on the Brooklyn curve) and even enjoys the famous pork crackling margarita. And why not? The food sounds terrific, the preparations astounding, and if this photo accompanying the review is any indication, folks are clamoring to the establishment from all over the city, including metro airports. Nice vest, Greg!

For a while I wondered if it was just me — if I was being more sensitive than I should, more prone to taking offense.

In January 2005, NYT restaurant critic Frank Bruni wrote a review of Little Giant, the "refined comfort food" (his words) on Orchard St., in which he spent at least half of the review discussing the owners' brilliant music choices. ("Siouxsie and the Banshees? Circa the early 1980's? Didn't I own that album?" Oh, Frank, you little Goth teenager, you.)

Times food critic Frank Bruni takes a tour of Porter House New York and STK, two recently opened area steakhouses. In his discussion of the d cor, Frank clears up a question that so many of us have been wondering about:

Times dining critic Frank Bruni starts his review of Lincoln Center cheeseateria Picholine with a recollection of a previous visit :

Hey, Arianne, it'll be news when someone praises Frank's prose.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. In response to a reader's query as to why he'd bother to no-star Freemans when he's only got so many weeks in a year to review restaurants, Frank offers litany of reasons. We were particularly intrigued by this one:

From Frank Bruni's Men's Vogue piece on how he stays in shape:

After yesterday's look at how it felt to have Frank Bruni in your restaurant we eagerly anticipated the actual review. So, did Frank like the place? Well, not so much.

In tomorrow's Times food critic Frank Bruni will take a look at Freemans, the recently-expanded LES hotspot where hipsters rub elbows with the thrill-seeking UESers who read about it in New York. William Tigertt, the proprietor of Freeman's has been doing a bit of blogging over at Eater, and he graciously recounts the experience of having the city's most powerful reviewer enter his establishment. We're not prone to gushing at Gawker, but we've got to say that Tigertt may actually be a better writer than restaurateur, and this comes from folks who can't get enough devils-on-horseback. If you've ever wondered what it feels like to get Brunied (and not in the fumbling, drunk-at 3 A.M.-in-the-back-of-Bottino way), you need to read this piece.

Interesting developments on the food front: Today's Times brings news that three of the city's top chefs are leaving their current posts to focus on other endeavors. Tom Colicchio, long the heart and soul of Gramercy Tavern, plans to focus on his ever-growing series of Craft restaurants. (The subtext here is that Frank Bruni's crappy review of Craftsteak cost one of New York's best restaurant's one of New York's best chefs. Nice going, Frank. Still, you've got to love a guy who tells you that he needs more focus in a call from a golf course.) Thor's Kurt Gutenbrunner departs from that LES funhouse to "concentrate on his restaurants that better reflect his Austrian roots." And Paul Liebrandt, who restrained his more baroque impulses as the chef at in the Palace Hotel, has nonetheless been canned, presumably for being too edgy.

We were recently directed to PX This., the "witty, irreverent (star-studded) four year journal of a struggling New York commercial-artist/fashion-designer moonlighting as a maitre d' at some of Manhattan's most well-known restaurants." While perusing its contents, we came upon the following entry (all contents completely [sic]):

• Highlights turns 60. Gallant is excited, Goofus is off in the corner reading porn. [BG]
• President Bush apologizes to blind reporter he mocked yesterday, scraps plan to ask deaf journalist "Can you hear me now?" [Wonkette]
• Time Out ups the ante in city's ever-growing critical-assessment arsenal. BONUS: Frank Bruni describes what a star looks like. [NYT]
• Memo to media Jews: If you promise to stop writing articles about soccer, we'll promise to pretend that you're really virile, rugged athletic types. [NYO]
• Rupert Murdoch not just in it for the evil, also likes the money aspect. [Forbes]

• Just in time for the long weekend, it's a Paris Hilton nip slip. Personally, we find the footage of her writhing around in the sand, trying so hard to be sexy for her new video, to be far more comical than stupid ol' areola. [TMZ]
• And yet again, another exploration that blogging and menial desk jobs do not always mix. Thanks, we think everyone's got it now. [NYT]
• Jeff Koons brings his sculptural magic to the park at 7 World Trade Center; we don't care if balloon flower sculptures have been all over the place, there's still something about it that just looks dirty. [Animal]
• Kaavya Viswanathan finally joins the ranks of JT Leroy and Go Ask Alice. [Wikipedia]
• The Morning News releases its 2006 Editors' Awards for Online Excellence. We're honored to be noted for our creepiness factor. [TMN]
• An ode to the hipsters whose time has most definitely passed. [Gazpachot]
• We write for everyone, even high school dropouts. [Muckraked]
• Another reason to love Frank Bruni: while on his grand fast-food tour, he got lost because his companion was reading Us Weekly aloud, distracting Bruni from the road and luring him into the world of Charlie and Denise. We've all been there, buddy. [Diner's Journal]

Today's dining section carries a huge Frank Bruni piece (or, at least, a hugely arted Bruni piece) detailing a cross-country drive on which he sampled nearly ever sort of fast food known to Americans — 9 days, 15 states, 3,650 miles and 42 visits to 35 establishments, as he reports. He ate In-N-Out burgers in California, Whataburgers in Louisiana, Varsity hot dogs in Atlanta, Sonic tots in Kentucky, and White Castle sliders in New Jersey. He did it all in a rented Taurus.

This popular survey "is to some extent a gauge of how intensely a restaurant's fans love it," with some restaurants receiving points based on "vigorous get-out-the-vote efforts." Keep in mind that "diners aren't randomly polled for their opinions; instead, they volunteer those opinions, and they sometimes do so out of a rooting interest for a favorite restaurant." It might be false modesty to say that ratings "are the fruit of many people's opinions, which gives the ratings a potential usefulness much greater than, say, an individual critic's stars," but in the end you need "just be careful" and, perhaps, consult with a real restaurant critic.

• Random and completely unconfirmed, but we hear Ron Burkle is hosting a "celebratory" dinner for Bill and Hillary Clinton on April 21. Richard Johnson will be flown out to the event for free, we're sure.
• Apropos the current Page Six scandal, Nerve seeks sex advice from gossip columnists. What we learn: If Jared Paul Stern asks for hush sex instead of hush money, you shouldn't do it. [Nerve]
• At mediabistro's bootcamp for Men's Magazine Writing, freelancers will find themselves well-equipped to pitch and write for a soon-to-fold publication. [mb]
• Barney's high and mighty window man Simon Doonan defiles the art world by ripping off Jack Pierson for the past 20 years — before he even knew he Pierson was, in fact. He's that evil. [NYO]
• Not only does the Post have an honest to god formula for measuring the hotness of one's own ass, but they even got Sir Mix-a-Lot to comment. [NYP]
• Dare we say it? Frank Bruni, we can see you gushing. [Diner's Journal]
• Great news, everyone: "Actor" Frankie Muniz has given up his life as a thespian in order to pursue his dream of being a full-time race car driver. A Pesach miracle! [Defamer]

• David Patrick Columbia tells the story of Ron Burkle. Our favorite part is about midway, when we learn that Ron used hidden cameras to videotape his then-wife's affair with her personal trainer. Fucking the help is so clichéd; hidden cameras, even more so. Update: NYSD makes a correction to this item. [NYSD]
• And then there's the result, Ron Burkle's messy divorce: Interestingly, the Democrats in the California legislature (the same Democrats that count Burkle as a major supporter) are pushing forward legislation that would keep his divorce records from becoming public information. Pity — the public would love to read about who's been on that private jet. [America's Finest Blog]
• Did Harvey Weinstein lie to the poor ol' Gray Lady about his connections to Page Six? Nikki Finke wouldn't put it past him, and she's totally right. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Dealbook proudly presents the Page Six Mogul Index. We lurve it. [Dealbook]

• Remember the name Rachel Noerdlinger. She's the publicist who sent out an announcement that the city would pay $25.6 million Staten Island Ferry crash victim Paul Esposito when, in fact, no such agreement had been reached. Well done, missy. [NYT]
• For what it's worth, Times restaurant critic Frank Bruni can't get a table at Craft, either. And he often dines at hotspots as early as 5:45 or as late as 9:45 — just remind your girlfriend of that when she starts whining about Buddakan. [Diner's Journal]
• Stodgy millionaire residents of the West Village continue to complain about the noisy gay teens on Christopher Street and its pier. The solution, clearly, is to get these kids a roller rink. You know, a place to hang. [VV]
• Fine, fine — Time Inc. will pay you back. [FishbowlNY]
• The difference between Cargo.com and Cargomag.com? Heteros. [Big and Sharp]
• With Trader Joe's currently dominating the circus, 14th Street has become a paradise for gourmet food porn aficianados. [Curbed]
• Red States win at the Washington Post. [E&P]

• The latest in the Times' ever-growing stable of blogs is Wall Street and financial blog DealBook, edited by Andrew Ross Sorkin. We imagine that when Gawker alum Elizabeth Spiers gets her similar venture, Dealbreaker, up and running, these two will spend the spring mudwrestling one another. Kinda hot, no? [DealBook]
• Before you get all wet and saucy at the prospect of more pictures of Kate Moss blowing rails, keep in mind that these ones are from 1998 or so. And really, once you've seen her hoover one, you've seen her hoover them all. [Sun UK]
• Win yourself a free meal on 71 Clinton's last night of service. All you have to do is come up with the best answer to how you would spend $250 on food and drinks, in a single night, on the Lower East Side. If you want to win, we suggest refraining from mentioning Welcome to the Johnson's. [Eater]
• WASPdate continues to thrive, lending its support to plaid pants-wearing whiteys everywhere. [AM New York]
• New York mag puts out its Best of New York issue, and yet the "Best Way to Get on a Hipster Photo Website" strikes us as the worst of our fair city. [NYM]
• Frank Bruni gets highly philosophical on the issue of whether or not a restaurant should be re-reviewed. How one man puts so much thought into the star system, we'll never know. But bless him for all that he does. [Diner's Journal]