Well, whew. We were getting worried about Sammi Sweetheart, who seems to be straggling behind her Jersey Shore cohorts in lining up endorsement deals and other, general, empire-building activities.

You're probably tired of smelling like steak and used diapers all day because, let's face it, you're disgusting. Maybe a fragrance is in order. It shouldn't be too offensive, but should remain familiar. Perhaps the literal scent of a woman?

Because every living celebrity has already launched a perfume line of his or her own in recent years, a company is now offering scents using the DNA of dead ones. [The Phoenix via Style.com]

In case the first dozen didn't satisify your desire to smell like a pop star past her prime, Jennifer Lopez has another perfume coming out this week called "J. Lo Glow." (Be sure not to confuse it with previous scents like "Glow by J. Lo," "My Glow," "Sunkissed Glow," or "Miami Glow.") As part of the ad campaign for the new perfume, People reports that "Jennifer naturally assumes a maternal role in domestic scenes meant to reflect the coziness of the new floral fragrance." So to achieve this natural maternal role—and convey what Lopez says is a natural feeling of "intimacy and love"—Lopez must have posed with her own twins, right? Naturally, no. They're actors. [People]

So everyone is talking about the swine flu and thousands of New Yorkers feared for their lives this morning when a plane circled around Lower Manhattan. One thing that will only serve you frighten you more: Paris Hilton is preparing to roll out her ninth perfume next month, and her "fragrance empire" rakes in an estimated $200 million a year. And if you're thinking that having nine different perfumes on the market might mean she's totally saturated the market, well, think again. She just signed a new five-year contract with the fragrance giant Parlux, and should have a total of 13 perfumes on the market by 2014. Unless Mother Nature intervenes and we all get swine flu and all die, of course. [NYDN]

It appears Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Rihanna have fragrances in the works. Chris Brown? Not so much. [WWD]

Diddy's new scent, I Am King, is now on sale, a fact you're probably aware of thanks to the silly ads featuring Diddy exiting a helicopter and waterskiing in formal wear. But if you're curious what it is that Mr. Combs put in the bottle, you're in luck! Very simply put, it's a hydrofluorocarbon gas extraction of blackcurrant mixed with key lime pie and fructose tangerine accords combined with "a tingling candied ozone" effect made up of trioxygen, then boosted slightly with Veramoss, mixed with the synthetic leather formula Suederal, and then topped off with a touch of LMR labdanum, which gives it that super-duper "dark chypre effect." Funny, that's totally what we thought Diddy's formula was, but it's nice to get official confirmation. Anyway, New York Times scent expert Chandler Burr really likes it, you'll be happy to hear: "The fresh-fruit lusciousness floods the senses, floats on the skin. Audacious. Inventive. And olfactorily impressive." [NYT]

Did you know that Tony Sirico, AKA Paulie Walnuts from Sopranos, has a new line of cologne? We didn't! But it doesn't sound like you're going to want to add Paolo per Uomo to your holiday shopping list. The always-understated Post says the scent "smells like every lasagna-loving, spaghetti-slurping mob-boss wannabe or cheap imitation consigliere," and has "top notes of cigar ash and polyester jumpsuits" mixed with "hints of stripper sweat and a cream-filled cannoli." [NYP]

Diddy's new fragrance for women is called "I Am King." In case you're wondering, Combs also "plans to roll out I Am Queen, too, though I Am Princess is not slated." [NYT/The Moment]

Will these waggish fragrance marketing types ever stop with their cheeky penis humor? Eleven-year-old cologne wearers sure hope not! San Francisco—a popular home to gays—is all atwitter because of a new campaign by the giant ad agency Ogilvy for Tom of Finland, a new scent inspired by the famous homoerotic artist of the same name. They took posters of Tom's drawings, see, and positioned them just so next to protruding objects—that to a dirty mind might resemble a huge, hard cock! Such sophisticated appeal to the target demographic. The gays like that stuff, right? So they'll surely open their wallets for this: