American Idol judge Paula Abdul—on whom we rely to pull browbeaten contestants into her addled embrace, showering them with slurred words of encouragement—made a gaffe for the ages on last night's all-Neil Diamond-cover show. In her defense, producers made a radical change to the show's familiar format, holding all the judging until after the final five had performed two songs. This introduced a complicated new element to the karoake-appraising procedure: taking notes. But no sooner had Paula accepted her fate, and begun to get the hang of scribbling things like "David C.: Shining star, authentic, love the pants," on an index card, sniveling Idol homeroom Poindexter Ryan Seacrest changed the rules once again, demanding to know where Randy, Paula, and Simon stood on the performances at the half-way mark.

With the promise of Jeff Zucker's Old-Time Radio City Upfront Dog-and-Pony Show vanquished months ago by NBC's decision to unveil its 2007-08 schedule a full month ahead of the usual schedule, the news that other networks are downsizing their own upfronts isn't shocking anyone. The WGA strike that thwarted the networks' normal development schedule left most without any pilots to pitch to advertisers in the annual industry orgies, and even Les Moonves doesn't know what he's programming at CBS this fall. Sorry, L.A. staffers! Unpack your bags — you're staying put this year.

Today's beneficiary of grudging Defamer support is David Grant, the former head of Fox Television Studios and plaintiff in a new breach-of-contract lawsuit filed against his former employer. Grant alleges that Fox still owes him a bonus and more from his tenure, which ended in 2004; the amount of the bonus is in question, but thanks to a read-through of Grant's perversely fascinating contract, we now have grounds for our bitter jealousy in writing:

Just when we thought reality TV couldn't sink any lower, Fox has officially scraped the bottom of the cringeworthy barrel by ordering a JD Roth-produced pilot called Bad Dads. The series, originally titled Deadbeat Dads until Mike Darnell christened it with its new name, depicts divorced fathers who've refused to pay child support, ambushing them at their ritzy country clubs on camera and forcing them to pay up. Playing the Chris Hansen role is some guy from a child-protection agency, who will go so far as to "make their lives miserable - foreclose on their house...repossess their car...all for a noble cause"! Roth, the reality wunderkind behind The Biggest Loser and Beauty And The Geek, claims the series aims to provide "justice for women." Which sounds lovely, but how exactly will pointing out just how mean and "bad" men are week after week warm our hearts?

The American Idol Karaokedome threatened to topple in on itself last night when the six remaining competitors tackled the songs of Andrew Lloyd Webber—the musical equivalent of glucose-fortified pancake syrup, next to which the typical Idol pablum starts looking and sounding like a GWAR concert.

Roger Ailes, who invented and perfected post-modern mass propagandizing through his work with noted hero of the free press Richard Nixon, and who then went on to invent Fox News, a creation of pure anti-journalism, will infect untold future generations of television producers with his grossly distorted view of the gullibility of the American sucker-electorate. 'Cuz Ohio University just unveiled the The Roger E. Ailes Newsroom at their Radio-Television Communication Building, made possible by a "generous contribution" from you-know-who. The video of school officials feting Ailes and his money mentions his work "media consulting for presidents" but oddly won't name which ones. This after a couple minutes spent reminding us that Ailes was once a prop wrangler for Mike Douglas. But no Willie Horton! Anyway, Ailes' gross Penguin-esque mug is now enshrined forever on a hideous plaque in Athens, Ohio. [TVNewser]

· Here's what we can tell you about NBC's Celebrity Circus, possibly the most significant televised amateur circus event in recent history: Joey Fatone will be ringmaster. Scheduled to appear: Christopher Knight, Rachel Hunter, Antonio Sabato Jr., Blu Cantrell, and Jason "Wee Man" Acuna, whom we'll assume will be fired at some point from the Lil' Caesar's Cannon of Doom™. [Variety]
· Fox is sitting atop the big studio heap entering into the summer box office season (OMG! It's almost the summer box office season! Who's excited?!), but Warner Bros., with its one-two-three punch of Speed Racer, Get Smart, and The Dark Knight should comfortably take the lead. (Especially when you look at Fox's roster: Eddie Murphy's Dave and The X-Files: I'm Trying As Hard As I Can To Buy This Alien Mumbo-Jumbo, Mulder.) [THR]

American Idol's ratings are falling to record lows, and Scott Collins of the Los Angeles Times is all over the reasons why. Collins blames the bloated two-hour charity special, Idol Gives Back; the writer's strike; generic show fatigue; the contestants; the presentation, Facebook; and CBS boss Les Moonves' undercover operatives. But that's the least of it. Here are the four real reasons the Fox talent show has finally lost its opiate-strength hold on America's masses. (Difficulty level: 9).

As we find ourselves winding once again towards the end of another stunning American Idol season—the very fate of the adult-contemporary-radio universe hinging on the name read out by host Ryan Seacrest in the final seconds of its lean, seven-hour finale broadcast—we take a moment to catch up with the some of the also-rans from Idol past. Remember Chris Sligh, Season 6's Guarini-fro'd, Caucasian soul singer? According to Craigslist's Nashville chapter, Sligh will be headlining Thursdays Acoustics for Academics fundraiser at East Cheatham Elementary School in Joelton, TN!

The task of turning five seconds' worth of compelling television—the announcement of the latest American Idol oustee—into an hour of Nielsen-trampling entertainment isn't an easy one. And yet they always seem up to the challenge, employing a wide variety of systematic dehumanization techniques to keep singers on their toes and viewers locked in until the very last moment. Take last night's episode, in which trembling, shaved-koala contestant David Archuleta was made to sit backstage for two full commercial breaks as his brothers and sisters stood in huddled groups on the stage. One was safe, the other at risk of being loaded onto Idol-branded freight trains and transported to a karaoke death camp somewhere in the San Fernando Valley.

Everyone's favorite over-allusive Indiewood hit Juno is now available for download at the iTunes Music Store for $14.99. The move marks Fox's first foray into offering new DVD releases as paid downloads through Apple's popular service, with the studio joining Paramount and Disney. Amazon's Unbox already carried the title, where it's also available to rent. Apple TV owners won't be able to rent Juno until May 14.

There were plenty of noteworthy moments from last night's American Idol Tribute to the Many Songs and Slutty Looks of Mariah Carey, from David Cook's soundtrack-ready, grungemo rendition of "Always Be My Baby," to a stirring performance of ''When You Believe" by a leather bepanted David Archuleta (who could have just as easily located the spiritually redeeming undercurrent to the "shoe do do do do do do do/shoe do do do do do do yeahs" of "Fantasy"). But the most thrilling development, for us at least, came not from the stage, but rather the judge's table, shortly before Randy Jackson was called upon to apply his highly attuned pitchydar to Carly Smithson's take on "Without You."

Here's how two online news outlets handled their coverage of Howard Kurtz's story on Fox anchor Megyn Kelly. At the top, liberal blog ThinkProgress asserts that Kelly was hired at Fox because she is a conservative tool. Below, the Huffington Post says she got the job because she's totally cute. Takeaway: one can use a Kurtz column to make any point about any media subject, and also Megyn Kelly is pretty hot for a Republican.

This thing the Daily Show did last night was pretty great, everyone! Though it kinda suffers from the same obvious "make your opponent look ridiculous through selective, out-of-context quotes" thing Fox does all the time but it's a comedy show so whatever. Our favorite bit was the shaky camera PR film! Lol @ Rupert Murdoch! [HuffPo]

Not to be a total pawn for the evil Fox marketing machine, but I really love that show "Hell's Kitchen." I don't care if Gordon Ramsay says "cunt," or kicks couples out of a restaurant during their romantic Valentine's day dinners. Last night, as I sat through the commercials to find out which team had selected a portion of halibut that weighed closest to six ounces, I realized that this must be a good show, because it had me waiting anxiously to watch a dramatic scene of fish fillets being placed on a scale.

Remember Lauren Cleri, the original terrible "Moment of Truth" contestant who sold out her husband and her marriage on live TV, only to walk away with no money at all? Well FOX has helpfully put a brand new update interview with her on YouTube. Seems she's having some relationship troubles now! Her husband is hurting. She's hurting. Everybody's hurting! But you know what? This experience has helped make her the strong woman that she is today. What hasn't gotten stronger, though: her sense of judgment, for doing this updated interview in the first place. The full video is after the jump.

After billing The Moment of Truth as a brilliant Frankenshow combining the most intriguing aspects of F. Lee Bailey's Lie Detector, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and Cheaters, the culmination of a life's work for Fox's President of Apocalypse-Expediting Alternative Entertainments Mike Darnell failed to really deliver on its life-destroying promise. Not even a desperate casting stunt that replaced the show's evil robot voice with a string of celebrity she-bots (Small Wonder, Rosie from The Jetsons, Richie Rich's Irona) managed to really hook viewers.

Former Jezebel intern and attempted Paris Hilton free-er David Seaman was on Fox's Morning Show With Mike and Juliet today to talk about Salvia, the hot new (legal!) drug that's taking America's colleges by storm. "They told me I'd be on to talk about why I'm in favor of keeping certain drugs legal," Seaman said in an email to friends and colleagues, "and why many college students agree that some decriminalization for soft drugs makes sense." He had a little argument worked out and everything! But he was on The Morning Show With Mike and Juliet so they actually just sat him next to some mook who posts clips of kids having bad trips on YouTube and interviewed a doctor who says all the drugs will cause deadly car crashes. Then they introduced a girl whose brother killed himself on the Salvia! Seaman's entertaining email describing his ordeal is after the jump. A brief clip is attached.

· Atta boy, Fox! The network flatly refuses to pay an FCC fine of $91,000 for Married by America (is that the one with the midgets? Or the fake prince?), for the 2003 reality show's depiction of "contestants licking whipped cream off strippers." Fellow networks stand in quiet solidarity, with Ben Silverman observing that "the fine sets a dangerous precedent, not to mention potentially ruining our sweeps week My Dad is Better Than Your Dad father-daughter whipped-cream surprise!" [Variety]
· Smashing Pumpkins sue Virgin Records for cheapening their name by using their music and likeness in a crass Pepsi Stuff promotion. Billy Corgan also wants everyone to check out "1979," and "Tonight, Tonight," both to appear on Guitar Hero IV! It'll be Smashsational! [Variety]
· In a reverse-engineered comic-book-movie-making miracle, Hugh Jackman teams with Virgin Comics to create Nowhere Man, a new comic specifically designed to then be adapted for Jackman to star in on the big screen, and featuring the first superhero to harness the power of showtunes to defeat evil. [Variety]