Wow, big time panic, egg prices have skyrocketed to an all-time high: as much as $3 a dozen. Oh my god, crisis, this means that eggs are... still cheap as hell! Cheapest protein on the market, folks. Eggs—still a great deal!

Hamdi Ulukaya, the recently demoted CEO of garbage yogurt company Chobani, is now focusing his efforts on “developing new products like Flips, a yogurt with toppings on the side.” The only way that could be a more blatant ripoff of Fage would be if Chobani also tasted good.

Healthy eats! Echo ears! Thunder pictures! Alien sounds! Head-volution! Space geysers! Spider silk! And statistics that some might call stunning! It’s your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—with X-Ray Vision!

Twenty-two-year-old Hayley King, a University of South Carolina student, was arrested by police last week after confessing to having spit in and dousing her roommates’ food with Windex. She was charged with unlawful and malicious tampering with human drug product or food, and could face 20 years in prison if convicted.

The Hawkins County School District in East Tennessee has reportedly launched a new district-wide meat inspection program after apparently serving six-year-old pork to their students. “It’s not clear,” WATE reports, “if it was tainted.”

As Americans, we are all partisans for the oddities and specialties of our own local cuisines. You can get a bagel anywhere, but only in New York are they great; you’re lucky to find a Goo Goo Cluster at all outside of Nashville. But the good stuff is boring—what makes your stomach turn?

It seems that “Big Food” will never truly understand the desires of you, the regular American consumer, who just wants a tasty dang hot dog, is that too much to ask after a hard day?? A little flavor??

Death is everywhere. Death is in the stars. Death is in our hearts. Death is in our headlines, our houses, and our food. Thought you could crack open a “packet of cheese and onion crisps” without staring down at your inevitable mortality? That’s what Dorset, England’s Barry Selby thought, too. But he was majorly wrong.

Homaro Cantu, the Chicago chef famous for his molecular gastronomy-inspired dishes at his West Loop restaurant Moto, was found dead Tuesday afternoon in a building where he intended to start a brewery. Police told the Chicago Tribune Cantu appeared to die of hanging. He was 38.

It's bad enough that the "broken windows theory" of policing, with its constant harassment of small-time hustlers, is back in vogue in New York City. Do they have to steal the churros, too?

Though I enjoy a good slice of American Cheez Food Product as much as the next unsophisticated child, I would not be so bold as to declare that product to be "healthy." Prestigious nutritionists bound to differ!

Some foods, like pizza, are good hot, and still good cold. Other foods are okay hot, but are not good cold. This is a list of the latter group of foods.

When you think of liquids that you'd like to guzzle, does milk make it into your top ten? How about top fifty? Would you like to strike gallons of milk from grocery store shelves and watch as they bleed out into oblivion? Sure you would. Skrrtt—but wait a sec. What if I told you milk could taste like marshmallow Peeps?

Atkins Nutritionals, the company that cashed in on the low-carb Atkins Diet, is up for sale and "could fetch more than $1 billion." Its anti-sugar precepts have become mainstream in America. The lone holdout: one rich motherfucker.

Mama, please. Hear my pleas. Feed your babies peanuts.

If you're not fat already, you could soon wind up fat because of Chipotle. Data published by the New York Times shows that we're all eating a shit-ton of delicious and reasonably priced calories and salt in the form of organic carnitas and guacamole. Great! Just great!

Fancy food: it is a funny thing. One person might not understand why another might enjoy eating tortured goose liver or snails, and the other might say, "Mmm, I love these snails and tortured goose liver. More, please!" Aliona Russo, a non-fancy woman, recently sat down for dinner at Manhattan's fancy Villagio on the Park restaurant and was traumatized to find a perfectly fresh fish sitting on her plate. So fresh, in fact, that the hook was still sitting in the little fishy's mouth.

Did you know there's a Pie Town, New Mexico? There is—and they serve pie! But do they serve orange pie? No, they don't—but they do at the W Hotel in South Beach, Florida! There's the pie news for today I guess.

Peanut butter and jelly—on a wrap.

Lindsay McNamara was arrested last month after she walked up to the booth in the lobby of the Framingham, Ma. police station and threw uncooked pieces of sausage and bacon from a Dunkin' Donuts box.