A supporter of Nobel Prize winner Liu Xiaobo was arrested in Hong Kong after spraying a Chinese government official with champagne yesterday. Protesters ate salmon and drank champagne in solidarity with the Norway-based Nobel committee. Sounds like a good time!

Breaking: Andy Rooney is still a nearly unintelligible curmudgeon! Tonight on 60 Minutes, Rooney launched into a random rant about dieting before he declared that he plans to lose 20 lbs. before Halloween. Uh, by shaving his eyebrows? Video inside.

Mayor Mike Bloomberg likes junk food, just not for poor people. He's gone to war against salt and soda, but his company's office remains stocked with goodies: "We have all the junk in the world up there," one employee says.

Ever think, "cake is pretty good, but it would be way better if it had pies inside of it"? This is that cake: The Pumpple, consisting of apple and pumpkin pies "baked inside layers of chocolate and vanilla cake."

Belgian up-and-comer Florian Van Bael was at a Bruce Weber shoot for the teen-saddening clothing store when he was caught nibbling a French guy pastry. He was promptly fired. The models' food intake had been closely monitored throughout the shoot.

Good or bad news, depending on whether you assign more moral weight to preserving our planet's environment or to quiet snacking technology: Sun Chips is retiring its incredibly-loud-when-crinkling biodegradable bag. The environment's nice and everything, but...loud crinkling sounds. Priorities. [USAT]

The commie food police in San Francisco have officially crossed the line: A proposed city ordinance would ban toys from McDonald's Happy Meals until the chain adds fruit and vegetables to their kids' menu, and lowers calorie counts. Hippie extortionists.

America's only 24-hour Domino's Pizza, in Dayton, Ohio has rolled out a new item on its menu apparently targeting hungover college kids: the breakfast pizza. You can have eggs, sausage, ham and other greasy toppings added just before you vomit.

Pain and fitness! Functional food! Indecision! Horseback yoga! Expensive obesity! Tai chi danger! Protein facts! Too much sweat! And pure inspiration! It's your Tuesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—with a straight face, and back!

Did you know that Elvis Presley's favorite sandwich was fried peanut butter and bananas? Fans say the King added bacon, too. Some NPR reporters decided to recreate "The Elvis," and the first bite got this reaction: "Wow, this is gross."

We once made fun of "Paleos," the "small New York subculture whose members seek good health through a selective return to the habits of their Paleolithic ancestors." But, by God, Dutch food conglomerate 'Unilever' is doing the same thing!

Americans hate vegetables. Every possible trick, tactic and marketing ploy has failed. We will forever be a nation of spongey vegetablephobes. So say the New York Times in a long investigation of why the hell won't Americans eat their vegetables?

Here's what a farmer's market is: farmers, selling their wares, in a market. Here's what a farmer's market isn't: Safeway wheeling its tomatoes out in front of the store. Okay, well, you don't have to so elitist about it!

"¡Goya!" For many Americans, the name alone invokes fearful memories of some weird food that Mexicans probably eat, who even knows. Now, Goya is working to assure white people: This stuff is good! But are whites ready?

Yesterday Virginia executed 41-year-old Teresa Lewis. For her last meal, she requested "two fried chicken breasts, sweet peas with butter, a piece of German cake or apple pie for dessert, and a Dr. Pepper." What would you choose?

The BBC science show Bang rigged up a camera to film food rotting for two weeks. The resulting time-lapse footage is truly gnarly. If the mold and bacteria don't gross you out, the maggots will. Bon appétit!

Abbott Laboratories, the makers of Similac baby formula, have voluntarily recalled "fewer than five million" formula containers after beetles were found by two consumers and in a manufacturing plant. A little extra protein never hurt anyone, right? [Reuters]

The owner of the Iowa farm who was selling salmonella-tainted eggs that led to a massive recall will testify before a House subcommittee today. In a prepared statement, Austin DeCoster says he was "horrified," but of course he blames others.

Page six reports that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad brought his own personal chef to New York for this week's UN General Assembly. Apparently not a good chef: His meals "make the whole hotel stink like hell," according to a source.

Distracted driving! Farmer's foods! Punjabi sports! Lifeguard texting! Halal beef beef! Free water! Greek yogurt! Cold virus obesity! And the indomitable spirit of the human soul! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with intervals of approval!