Just in time for the holidays, Planters has a new ad. But wait! What's different about this one is that, for the first time, the always-silent Mr. Peanut has a voice—Robert Downey, Jr., actually. Watch the ad inside.

Fitness myths! Crystal diet! Fat marathons! Kiddie runs! Happy Meals! Carnivore cancer! Wine diet! Boxing girls! And your daily inspiration to make you feel ashamed! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—comparatively poorly!

Sit at the bar, don't order rolls, and easy on the soy sauce. The art of eating sushi is constantly messed up, so "sushi concierge" Trevor Corson kindly shows us how to impress the chef.

A California farmers market vendor has been busted for selling Mexican vegetables as his own, "locally grown" produce and L.A. locavores are pissed off at these "dishonest farmers." Do you know where your certified organic produce actually comes from? [LAT]

A shadowy governmental organization known as Dairy Management works behind the scenes to force Americans to eat cheese. The New York Times' today reveals that Dairy Management has been partnering with various fast food companies to promote fattening, cheese-laden products.

Someone took the final episode of MasterChef — in which the chefs prepare desserts — and spliced in TV dinners in place of their dishes. The commentary remains the same so you have the judges applauding microwave ramen.

We can only assume that this perilous concoction is a byproduct of laboratory attempts to reproduce the legendary "Brown Russian." Also featured: the world's strongest beer, and a real-world version of "Duff Beer" that isn't beer at all.

[This kid in San Francisco exercises caution while opening his Happy Meal yesterday after the city passed a ban on McDonald's putting toys inside the kids' meal boxes. Image via Getty]

Meet the Angry French Canadian. This epic 5,500 calorie sandwich includes a baguette made into french toast, a dozen eggs, bacon, gravy fries and an entire can of Maple Syrup. Who wants seconds?

Yea, food trucks were cool for a minute, but then they got that reality show, and all these corporate Tasti-D-Lite motherfuckers are jumping on the bandwagon, and now it's just like, whatever. [WSJ. Photo via]

Yes, you read that headline correctly. Somehow, and for some reason, someone created a tiny catapult with the express purpose of hurling various pies—also tiny, as in 3.5 millimeters in diameter—at a bunch of bugs. This. Is. Awesome.

Here's a commercial for Yakult, a Japanese (natch) probiotic yogurt drink. Yakult's motto is, "When you love your digestive system, it will love you back." Literally. You see, that cute little pink companion thingy? It's your digestive system! Watch inside.

Do you just love Market Pantry's Beef Sticks (Original flavor)? Put them down, now. The company is recalling 3,000 pounds in Wisconsin after people found pieces of glass in them. Damn. Eating glass sounds, um, really painful. [ABC7]

[The world's largest enchilada (on right) — 230 feet long and weighing 3,121 pounds — was made yesterday in Mexico City during the National Enchilada Fair, and was entered into the Guinness Book of World Records. Image via AP]

A Florida company has developed a strain of red celery that it plans on introducing to "selected supermarkets" on December 1. "It's bright; it's red; it's different; it's unique," says the company president. But: Is America ready for red celery?

Finally, so-called "scientists" have gotten their act together, and figured out something important: Why it is that airline food is so terrible and bland. Weirdly enough, it's your fault.

Miner diet! Nutrition labels! Hispanic lifespan! Diet clothes! Broken backs! Dope drugs! And walking minds! It's your Thursday health watch, where we watch your health—and chew gum, simultaneously!

The wife of imprisoned Chinese Nobel Peace Laureate Liu Xiaobo says the prison has started serving him individually prepared meals, rather than the notoriously gross general population food. How nice of them! Now maybe they could just set him free?

Live from this random guy's house, it's Man vs. Dog! Watch as owner and pet go head-to-head in a multi-round food eating competition—including spaghetti and meatballs, roast beef, carrots, and more—and find out who comes out on top.

How does one make a clip of Paula Deen crafting her infamous Krispie Kreme Burger even more terrifying than it already is? Apparently, by slowing it down and adding an eerie soundtrack. Seriously, guys, this is full-on creepy. Watch inside.