The Florida doomsday survivalist and "River Otter Preppers" chief, who was on the lam from the FBI in connection with a plan to kill federal agents with guns and explosives, agreed to surrender Wednesday in exchange for "dry shoes, Gatorade, a couple of cheeseburgers and some French fries."

Justin Ayers, 33, had just made it home from the hospital with his wife, extended family, and 3-day-old child when a drunk felon next door with a 9mm pistol fired a shot that traveled more than half a football field away, tore through Ayers' house, and killed him.

Today, Florida Governor Rick Scott signed a bill that legalizes Charlotte's Web, a strain of cannabis that doesn't get you high, for treating conditions like cancer and epilepsy.

Police and FBI agents are searching this morning for a doomsday prepper who slipped out of their grasp through the woods of Central Florida as they searched his property for assault weapons and explosives allegedly intended to put a murderous doomsday plan into motion.

A mother in Sunrise, Florida is now facing a federal criminal charge after disappearing with her two-year-old daughter last month in order to avoid having her vaccinated. (This served the dual purpose of keeping her from being "brainwashed" and keeping her out of school, where she might learn about black history).

Nichole Reed confessed to Orange City, Fla. police that she did indeed stuff seven lobster tails—Publix retail value: $11.99—down her pants. She was hoping, she told police, to trade the tails for some Chinese food. Or pills. It didn't work out.

Alonzo Liverman, 29, was arrested by Daytona Beach police this week in a prostitution sting. According to police, he tried to trade a salad for a blowjob with a prostitute that was actually an undercover cop.

Rodney Brown of Lakeland, Florida was arrested this weekend after allegedly beating his brother with "spiky" pot plants at the home that they share.

A Florida teen and his father were driving home when they came upon a semi-truck stuck on the train tracks. When it became clear that the train was going to pulverize the truck, 15-year-old Austin Broderick did as any teen would: he took out his phone and started recording. His narration is on-point: "That was not...good."

A judge in Brevard County, Fla. allegedly attacked a public defender in a hallway outside a courtroom after threatening him— "I'll beat your ass"—during a hearing.

This weekend, hopefully you'll be chilling as hard as this black bear, who stopped by a Florida home Thursday to relax in the owner's hammock for 20 blissful minutes.

It looks like a really really big sinkhole. But maybe the rules are different in Central Florida:

New York's arrest-free search policies are well known. Less well known is the Florida city that's used quotas to stop and frisk 11-year-old boys and centenarian retirees—56,922 people in all, half the population. A new investigation finds how deep Miami Gardens' excesses really go.

A Florida woman narrowly escaped with her life after her car stalled out on the tracks in front of a commuter train Monday. State officials released unbelievable video of the incident from the train's perspective, showing the woman's car door opening just before the impact.

It's the Common Core, you see, it's got the gay-making all built into it. Do an arithmetic problem all new and queer-like, and you go queer. This simple Florida lawmaker can see that. Why can't you? Are you gay or something?

Where the hell do you rent an elephant from? Somebody in the Tampa Bay area knows, apparently.

Florida Man can't say "fuck." At least not in Neptune Beach, soon, if there's a witness.

A guidance counselor on her morning commute to work at a middle school was arrested by Florida state troopers after reportedly almost hitting another car, admitting to being on prescription drugs, and having a blood alcohol level that was more than twice the legal limit.

On Tuesday, the Boynton Beach, Fla. police department released two student-shot cell phone videos that show police officers detaining two sixth graders who'd reportedly just been removed from a school bus. In one video, an officer appears to put a student in a chokehold; in another, an officer kicks a student in the back of the leg, causing the student to fall.

Somewhere in Daytona Beach, a Medieval reenactor's homicidal nunchuck-and-mace-filled boat trip has been ruined.