Paltry idea-hustler Mark Penn's column today actually contains a single legitimately interesting fact(!). It also affords an easy joke opportunity at Mark Penn's expense! He is an Elite.

Ayman Abu Aita told right-wing website WorldNetDaily that he quit Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades in 2003 and now represents its affiliated political party, Fatah, in the West Bank town of Beit Sahor. And rather than meeting Cohen at a "secret location," as Cohen told Letterman, he met him at a popular restaurant called Everest in the part of the West Bank under Israeli control. It would have been impossible, Aita said, for him to have a weapon as Cohen told Letterman he feared.

California is a hotbed for wacky, inexperienced politicians, like current Gov. Arnold Schwazenegger and his would-be replacement, former eBay CEO Meg Whitman. Luckily, these people can all learn how not to launch a campaign, by watching Carly Fiorina.

There's some kind of sick good cop/bad cop deal going down at Yahoo. CEO Carol Bartz swears, smacks down reporters and threatens "dropkicks." Her enforcer, meanwhile, has a Pomeranian named Clio and loves David Sedaris and peach cobbler ice cream.

Maximilia "Ava" Cordero, alleged underage lover of billionaire perv Jeffrey Epstein, sued the New York Post two years ago after it ran a story saying she was born a man, and was slutty. The decision is in! Sexlaw frontiers, here.

Have you seen Mediaite's "Power Grid," that ridiculous thing ranking people in media, and maybe silently wondered, "What sort of blighted souls give a damn about any of this?" Well, one magazine is distributing PR statements touting their editor's ranking!

China's having some wee riots by a few troublesome dead-ender Uighurs. Hundreds are dead. The media always wants to "cover" things like this. China has a new media management strategy, though: savvy PR! The Uighurs have a counter-strategy: breaking shit.

The Washington Post sent a flier to DC corporate lobbyists and other scum offering them an exclusive, schmoozy dinner with political officials and Post reporters for only $25,000. Now they're disavowing it! Come now. They were just too honest.

Yesterday we published the best and worst press release of all time from Charmaine Blake, "the most famous publicist," while she was on a date with Cliff Clavin. Now we've received an email from her "friend" claiming we've been "deceived."

Charmaine Blake, famous publicist, is of course best known for issuing a press release about—and during—her date with Cliff Clavin last night. What else has this famous publicist accomplished? We've prepared a Top 10 list.

Over the course of any single day, Gawker receives numerous press releases, many of them ridiculous and sad. This one may be the most ridiculous and sad we've ever seen. Poor John Ratzenberger.

Steve Jobs is BACK! Oh, he's just stone cold striding into the office, high-fiving people, running marathon meetings, screaming his as... err, wait, actually, did we say "back?" More like backish. The official word:

It's one thing for little nonprofit groups like Consumer Watchdog to hound Google for how it handles privacy and competitors. Much trickier for the company: A large corporation like Microsoft, can afford to whisper in reporters' ears, individually.

Never let it be said that Ronn [sic] Torossian was not among the very first shameless D-grade flacks to post a Youtube video opining on the future of Michael Jackson's "brand" before the man's body was even cold.

By now you may have heard Chris Brown copped a plea Monday in a Los Angeles court. Maybe then you found yourself wondering, "Gee...I wonder what Rihanna wore to court today?" Well, Michele Marie PR wants everyone to know!

An actor named Kevin Byrd sent a bad, self-composed press release to reporters, which one of them posted on Facebook. A PR blogger picked it up to point out how bad it was. That's when Kevin Byrd came unhinged.

What is today, America? Lo, it's the day when Jon and Kate Gosselin make their big announcement on the reality show they have, with their kids, on the TV. This could save gossip magazines! We rank the possibilities, below.

Mark Penn, failed campaign strategist and head of one of the world's most ostentatiously amoral PR firms, has used polling and research to ferret out a new microtrend: People are pessimistic, these days. That will be one million dollars. [WSJ]

If the Iran protests put Twitter at the top of America's diplomatic agenda, just imagine what they could do for your company! Play your cards right, you might be able to exploit the situation as well as, say, Fring.

Because PETA doesn't mind looking ridiculous in exchange for PR, they're protesting Obama's ninja-like fly-killing.