This Canadian tween totally calls out 50 Cent for "whoring" himself with all his endorsement deals, and not keeping it real. His action figures and 'stache say: listen up, Fif.

Let's count Obama poster-boy Shepard Fairey's current skirmishes: he's preemptively sued the AP over its copyright claims; he pleaded not guilty to Boston graffiti charges; and hipster literary journal N+1 thinks he's a sell-out.

Jeez, America, can't you take a joke? You only think Etta James hates Beyoncé because you think Miley Cyrus is racist because Britney Spears is sober. Or something.

James seems awfully sore that Beyonce got the Inauguration nod instead of her, and made no bones about that fact at a concert last week in Seattle. "I can't stand Beyoncé," she muttered to the audience. "She has no business standing up there singing that song." James also threatened violence toward the singer and claimed that Obama was "not my president," a Secret Service-tempting taunt that the audience, so ready to hoot at Beyoncé, knew less what to make of. Beware, Miss Knowles: when the full moon wanes, and a suddenly-itchy leather bustier signals your transformation from Sasha Fierce back into the terribly ordinary Beyoncé, Etta James will be ready to pounce!

Any director worth a damn has faced it: Flop Grief, that five-stage process that varies by studio and box-office disappointment but never gets any easier. Especially if you're Kevin Smith.

Remember Push: Based on a Novel By Sapphire, the wild Mariah Carey/Mo'Nique starrer that lit up Sundance (and took home three awards)? Lionsgate took our advice and bought it, and now things have gone haywire.

Cold-eyed Hipsterwood blowjob recipient and woman-threatener Vincent Gallo is going to be appearing in some ads for H&M! A perfect fit, in Bizarro World. And, under "Too Good To Check": he calls bloggers GAY:

Apparently, Vivica A. Fox's crystal ball began flashing alarms after her Psychic Friends infomercial leaked, because the actress is now trying to extricate herself from the hotline in the most hilarious way possible, MMM-HMM.

We've finally found the unlikely silver lining to Hilary Duff's casting in the forthcoming Bonnie and Clyde update. Sadly, you won't see it in the finished film.

Inside-trading homemaker and suppressor of differently-colored pens Martha Stewart has implied—via an autograph to a radio show intern—that our intrepid reporting is not to be believed. Outrageous! Why can't Martha Stewart squash the beef?

Surrounded by friends for her Secretary of State swearing in, Hillary Clinton felt comfortable enough to thank husband Bill for a "lifetime of — all kinds of experiences," i.e. that intern slut.

When ensnared in a vagina-kicking crisis of international proportions, celebrities have limited options: Either turn to the amateurs, or turn to us. Nikki Blonsky knows exactly what we're talking about.

After years of freezing out cofounder Eduardo Saverin over a dispute about money, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg has deigned to recognize his former Harvard buddy. Why now? Perhaps to derail a forthcoming Facebook tell-all?

David Letterman is reportedly in talks to extend his CBS contact beyond 2010. The idea is to take ratings from Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show; further taunting Jay Leno is a fringe benefit.

Martha Stewart recently had one of her favoritest florists, Peter Seprish, on her show to discuss flower arranging. You associate with shady characters, Martha! Peter Seprish, a.k.a. Peter Party, is an awful white rapper.

Washington views life as a zero-sum game: If you win, then I lose. Our leaders, in pursuing partisan passions, forget that the whole point of economic stimulus is to make the pie larger.

Could stress and anxiety over the state of the economy explain why so many celebrity chefs are getting a bit belligerent as of late? Anthony Bourdain went out of his way to launch a verbal assault on Alice Waters recently. And the war between Mario Batali and Gordon Ramsay has been heating up in recent days, too. Apparently, Batali made some critical comments about the Hell's Kitchen star more than a year ago, a move that prompted Ramsay to start calling Batali "fanta pants" in honor of the orange shorts he's long been fond of.

It's no wonder this unreleased "Speedfit" workout video was banned from YouTube: It's as embarrassing as rumored and contains an incriminating recording of her business manager to boot.

Though we were heartened by Jessica Alba's recent kiss-off of Bill O'Reilly (her best performance since Into the Blue!), she's now been sucked back into a Fox News fight that's paying off with diminished returns.

Update time! Remember the ambitious Milwaukee lawyers who weirdly namechecked slammer-bound clients Wesley Snipes and Joe Francis en route to swanky new Malibu digs? Yeah — that didn't turn out so well.