America's Got Talent judge Sharon Osbourne announced yesterday she is quitting the show because, she claims, NBC decided her son Jack was not fit to serve in a fake army.

Bret Easton Ellis, who drew rage-blogger Nikki Finke's wrath after I alerted her to a Twitter post he wrote outing her as a resident of his West Hollywood apartment building—which post in turn led me to find a unit in his building that had been recently purchased by Finke's employer, Penske Media—is continuing his hilarious pushback against the Hollywood fearmonger. Today, he told the Hollywood Reporter that her behavior is "harassing and unacceptable" and lambasted the "Hollywood morons who think they have to live in Nikki Finke's French Royal Court and be completely secretive." He also accused her, again on Twitter, of sending "hectoring, threatening, vaguely litigious e-mails" to her building's management.

Remember how a few years ago, 50 Cent accused Oprah Winfrey of being a white woman, just like one in her audience, after she had taken various stances against the facet of hip-hop culture that once made him such a musical force? Me neither, but she sure did and she confronted him on it long and hard in an interview that ran alongside her Paris Jackson sit-down on last night's Oprah's Next Chapter.

It's been days since one of Beyoncé's back-up dancers tweeted a picture of herself posing with Kim Kardashian backstage at Beyoncé's triumphant return to the spotlight in glitzy Atlantic City, and the world is still no closer to knowing whether Beyoncé and Kim Kardashian are friends or enemies or frenemies or indifferent or one of them thinks they're friends and the other one is like "I don't know that person" or what.

Cold bisque doll and star of BBC's Sherlock series, Benedict Cumberbatch is not, how you say, a fan of Downton Abbey. Doth the Queen know of this split among her people? In a recent interview with the New York Times, Cumberbatch was asked if he resembles the sociopathic character he portrays on the show. Yes, as it turns out, he does:

Nepotwit Kelly Osbourne has been highly visible in pop culture for 10 agonizing years now without having contributed anything to it. (Unless you count her mysteriously abandoned music career?) Lately, instead of having the decency to just be vapid, she's been stoking a fight with Christina Aguilera.

I have no trouble picking a side in the feud between Dan Harmon and Chevy Chase. (Team Harmon, in case that wasn't immediately clear.) But inevitably, it doesn't matter: Chase did some things, Harmon said some things, Chase said some things back. Maybe they're both at fault, in which case I should probably be writing a more measured analysis of their beef.

Looks like Chevy Chase and Community creator Dan Harmon are embroiled in a good ol' fashioned Hollyweirdo fight. I guess Dan told Chevy his wife is fat or something and then Chevy responded in the best way he knew how: with words, venomous, powerful words.

Last time agitprop pop star M.I.A. fought a journalist, she tweeted Lynn Hirschberg's phone number. This time around, M.I.A. accused Anderson Cooper of calling her a terrorist—and then backed down when Anderson turned out to be an M.I.A. whisperer. Apparently you just have to compliment her middle finger, and all will be forgiven.

Raven-haired sock puppet Kim Kardashian has responded to Jon Hamm after he called her "a fucking idiot." Wielding her mighty twitter trident, she posted the following response:

Looks like bitter queen Elton John still has his sequined knickers in a bunch over Madonna beating him at the Golden Globes. Just when you thought their feud was going to take a break, he lashed out against her on Good Morning America.

Following Lana Del Rey's performance on SNL, the Internet rained down upon the singer its very own plagues. First, there was ridicule. Then, there were emails. And more emails making subtle demands. And finally, came the silencing rage of her publicists.

It has been three whole days since Brian Williams and the rest of the Internet doused the Lana Del Rey mop in verbal gasoline and lit a match in response to her appearance on SNL. So we checked in on Lansy and her team. And this was the response that came from her publicist, Marilyn:

Elton John had a sour puss on all night at the Golden Globes, but it got even worse when Madonna's shitty "Masterpiece" won for Best Original Song over some crappy ballad Elton wrote for Gnomeo and Juliet. Then his husband started talking shit about Madonna on Facebook.

You never call, you never write, and Google has had it: If you would like entry into the spiffy new Google search results, and you are a social network, Google would like you to send the company a letter first.

Divorced of context, meme aggregator BuzzFeed's announcement today that it raised $15.5 million to fund "real reporting" seems a little absurd; the site's current front page includes the stories "This Cat Is Planning Something Evil," "30 Choice Hotties Of 1999," and "Panda Vs. Stuffed Toy Dragon," don't betray expensive, investigative ambitions. BuzzFeed's new direction is better understood as part of a battle over the direction of online media, led by principals trying to best with what the Huffington Post has become.

Horrible person Andrew Breitbart is fighting (again) with horrible person Glenn Beck, and while we know we should be feeling that soft warm joy that comes when two horrible people are engaged in a dispute, secretly we are sort of sad: we agree with Glenn Beck!

With Michigan State's crushing defeat on Saturday to Wisconsin in the Big Ten championship football game, tensions are particularly high between the two states. It's almost as if any little thing could set a Michigander off — for example, a tourism campaign that likens Wisconsin to a deformed mitten.

Ever get tired of ankle-biting haters on Twitter? Freshdesk did, and responded with a dedicated website that called the critics out for, variously, being racist, being jealous, shilling, and tolling. Thus the company went from boring business-services startup to flamewar champion of the month.

Vanity Fair contributor and Rice University history professor Douglas Brinkley was testifying before the House Natural Resources Committee last week about the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. When Rep. Don Young, a raving lunatic from Alaska, mistakenly referred to Brinkley as "Mr. Rice" and called his pro-wildlife testimony "garbage," Brinkley let his contempt flow freely: "It's Dr. Brinkley. Rice is a university. I know you went to Yuba College and couldn't graduate."