Florida's Dove World Outreach Center, the insane church that's planning a Koran-burning festival for 9/11, will go ahead with it for now, despite a rare warning from Gen. David Petraeus about their actions inciting waves of anti-American violence overseas.

World's shortest man Khagendra Thapa Magar visited New York and "confessed he was taken by the city's tall blonde women." When a 22-inch man from Nepal says tall blondes are the hottest women, international beauty standards are officially fucked.

Think of it as Delta Tau Chi vs. Dean Vernon Worner in Animal House: Buttoned-down tech giant Hewlett Packard has filed suit against its scandal-tainted former CEO for joining Oracle, home to the most infamous skirt chasers in Silicon Valley.

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who's running for Senate as an independent, has this new ad out in which he takes individual letters from "DEMOCRATS" and "REPUBLICANS" to spell "AMERICANS," in alternating colors. How lovely! Too bad he cheats like hell.

Chicago mayor Richard M. Daley announced today that he won't seek another term for the office he's held since 1989. How modest! So: Will Rahm Emanuel leave the White House to run for this vacant office in 2011? Probably.

A tipster sent us a few photos of Anna Wintour checking out the rehearsal today for Fashion's Night Out: The Show, the catwalk extravaganza timed to the Vogue editor's annual charity event that's taping tonight in Lincoln Center.

"I do masturbate a lot. I don't know why," James Franco tells the Hollywood Reporter, describing the rationale behind having a "four- or five-time day," which he apparently does with great frequency.

TLC, which used to be about learning and is now a gentle freakshow, has released a preview reel for their upcoming real-life Big Love series, Sister Wives, about a Utah family with one husband and three wives. Yay weirdos!

Ellie Scarborough is making a comeback! Which is weird, because she only became famous last week. Chuck Scarborough's daughter and founder of PinkKisses.com—providing "empowering" merchandise to pathetic females post-breakup—just got a second puff piece in the Daily News.

Longtime Muslim-despising New Republic editor-in-chief Marty Peretz has come through again. He's disappointed that liberals characterize hatred or mistrust of Muslim-Americans as a problem, when Muslims have no respect for human life and maybe shouldn't have First Amendment rights.

U.N. Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie is in horribly flooded Pakistan today to "highlight the continued urgent need for help." And Pakistan does need help! Jolie's leaky pail can't scoop out all of that water alone. [Image via AP]

Carrying an iPad around might make people think you're a trend-chasing spendthrift. So why not buy an $800 or $1500 iPad case from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent — and prove it?

Steven Slater—the JetBlue flight attendant who stormed off the job via inflatable slide—reported to court today as he negotiates with prosecutors to avoid jail time. While awaiting their moment before the judge, Slater's lawyer shared some new details.

Some people are seeing their Google.com logo turn into a bunch of jumping balls this morning. Don't panic. There will be time for that tomorrow, when Google announces changes to how everyone searches the Web.

Members of Congress are finally heading back to their jobs after an entire month of summer vacation. And, to their disgust, they have important work ahead: determining the future of the expiring Bush tax cuts. What will they do?

Yup, it's been decided. You're next, Europe. Elsewhere this weekend, some old has-beens fared pretty well, people just kept on taking stuff, and a romantic comedy turned out to be something else altogether.

Rev. Mark Gruber, a Benedictine monk and former professor at Saint Vincent's College, was fired last year after the school accused him of downloading underage gay porn on a shared computer. Did the school knowingly accuse an innocent man?

You may be interested to learn that despite hundreds of years of history in the Southern U.S., it is not racist to address a grown black man as "boy." No, really! Observe the judicial saga John Hithon has endured.

A new survey on drinking in Britain has revealed some shocking statistics. Would you believe that one third of Britons under 24 "drink to get drunk"? And nearly one fifth of those polled have had a one-night stand? Unbelievable!

A reader who lives near William DeJean, the nutty Chicago dentist who's randomly running "Hillary 2012" ads on TV in New Orleans, sent in a photo of DeJean's office window, showcasing a Hillary Clinton cut-out and Bill Clinton rubber mask.