The government recently enlisted aged actor Andy Griffith for a commercial showcasing Medicare benefits available through health care reform. North's Carolina's old people, at least, didn't appreciate these lies, and Griffith's favorability rating has dropped 25 percentage points there.

An adviser to California Sen. Barbara Boxer has resigned after he was caught bringing "a green, leafy substance which tested positive for marijuana" to his office yesterday, according to Capitol police. Apparently "fun" is banned on the Hill these days.

Guy Ritchie is okay when it comes to fast-paced gangster movies; but his new genre of "five-minute-long perfume commercials in which (SPOILER) Jude Law and the model lady just wanna stand almost-nekkid by the Eiffel Tower" leaves us strangely unaroused.

After a year-long study of male sexual performance, researchers have found that men with higher body mass indices last seven minutes longer than their slender counterparts. The decidedly unsexy reason: Fat men have more female hormones.

Barack Obama gave a solid speech in Ohio today, attacking Republican policies and obstructionism, and outlining several new economic initiatives. Reporters are giddy over his new tone of "populism," which is... what, exactly?

Twitter wasn't a big deal during the 2008 elections. Most congressmen started accounts in 2009, so 2010 is our first election year with "Twitter controversies." Today, for example: a revenge-seeking Republican operative tweeted Democratic staffers' home addresses. Really now?

Jersey Shore's Snooki pled guilty to disturbing the public enjoyment of the beach and will do two days of community service and pay $533. The judge concluded by calling her "rude," "self-indulgent" and a "Lindsay Lohan wannabe." No respect!

To promote himself for fashion week, Flock of Seagulls-coiffed Project Runway winner Christian Siriano gave an interview saying he is often mistaken for an "Asian lesbian." He also talked trash about "old" Brooke Shields and "trashy" Hailey Duff.

Scandal isn't particularly costly in Silicon Valley. Just ask Mark Hurd, who was pushed out as Hewlett Packard CEO for falsifying expense reports, amid sexual harassment charges, and now has a posh new job and a platinum parachute.

Anna Chapman's sexy boudoir photo shoot for a Russian men's magazine was only the beginning. The flame-haired spy who stole our hearts has an "Anna cult" that follows her everywhere. Locals are composings hymns to celebrate her!

Yesterday, Madonna actually deigned to take the subway, New York's most proletariat conveyance. When she's in town, you might expect to see her going to Pilates or an adoption agency or something. But the subway? How could we miss this?

Americans: what the hell are we eating? Sometimes we wonder that, as we idly stuff any nearby foodstuffs into our maws while in a glassy-eyed, dreamlike state. The problem: we hate immigrants, but love food. What to do?

Pundits started reading Democrats their last rites last week after Gallup's generic-ballot poll showed voters preferring Republicans by ten percentage points, a record. But in the same poll this week, the parties are... tied? Get your story straight, America.

Luther Campbell, of the once-controversial rap group 2 Live Crew, has some deep thoughts on the "Ground Zero Mosque" he would like to share with everyone in his latest Miami New Times column. He even Googled Islam!

Fisherman Raphael Biagini recently caught a 30-pound goldfish in the south of France. It weighs "the same as an average three-year-old girl" and looks about the size of a big dog. Now, he can sell it to a giant!

For the second night in a row, a crowd gathered in Los Angeles to protest the fatal police shooting of a Guatemalan day laborer—but things quickly devolved as police fired "at least two volleys of nonlethal projectiles."

Most guys have probably guessed that mainstream clothing companies are a little bit... generous with their measurements. But they probably haven't guessed how generous. The Dockers 36-inch waist? Actually 39.5 inches around. And they're not even the worst offenders.

Justin Timberlake needed some help preparing for his starring role in the forthcoming Facebook movie The Social Network. But when the young singer approached Facebook co-founder Sean Parker in a nightclub, seeking acting help, he got shot down.

Men! Do you feel lost on the dance floor? Are you having trouble scoring hot babes at the club? Don't worry! Scientists have identified the sexiest dance moves. Want to see them?

Fidel Castro wishes his fellow American enemy, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, would cool it with his anti-Semitism, he tells the Atlantic's Jeffrey Goldberg during a rare, interesting interview. Ahmadinejad probably won't listen. But nice of Castro to try! [Image: AP]