Here's a good tip for foreign travelers hoping to visit the United States: no matter what the words "destroy America" might mean among your hometown folk, you may want to keep that phrase off your Twitter feed. Emily Bunting and Leigh Van Bryan, a pair of tourists from Great Britain, found this out the hard way after they were detained by Homeland Security for twelve hours at Los Angeles International Airport because Bryan had earlier tweeted "Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America." Bryan tried in vain to explain that "destroy" is just a quirky Brit way of saying "going out and getting drunk," but the humorless DHS agents presumably had not heard of partying, either. So they were deported.

Now that Stephen Colbert is no longer running for the President of the United States of South Carolina, he went to retrieve his Super PAC (and its money) from Jon Stewart. But Stewart wasn't going to give it up without a fight. Tonight's Colbert Report opened with their long and arduous chase. Here it is.

Over the last week, as we approach tomorrow's contest in Florida, things have gotten pretty heated between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich. They're fighting for the lead and lashing out at each other, while both are claiming that the other is sad and misguided. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took a look at some of the highlights of their fight, with appropriate Mortal Kombat interstitials.

No this is not a plot summary from the latest episode of Cold Case, but it might as well be: a local Republican councilman in Bridgewater Borough, Pennsylvania was arrested for the long-ago murder of 23-year-old Catherine Janet Walsh, who was found bound and strangled at home in her bed in 1979. Police finally cracked the case after receiving money through a federal grant program that allowed them to tie DNA evidence from the crime scene to Hopkins, who admits that Walsh had been his lover but denies that he is the murderer. The neighbors are predictably shocked, because Hopkins sure didn't seem like a raging psychopath. He even said hello to them all the time, just like a regular old non-murderer.

It sounds so terribly romantic: "Don't worry, baby, I've just had my balls zapped." Researchers at the University of North Carolina have found that applying a couple 15-minute doses of ultrasound waves to rat testicles successfully reduced fertility to levels that would prevent pregnancy if replicated in humans. Of course, they haven't yet figured out whether your boys will ever recover from being, you know, microwaved.

What is a "Bebo?" Is it a) a new Internet nickname for Justin Bieber (my first guess) or b) a social network you have never heard of as a result of its stint as an AOL property that was sold at an $840 million loss? According to a lot of unexpected weeping on Twitter, it's the second of these two things. The site unceremoniously went dark and left everybody (including the site's original co-founder) confused about what had happened for several hours before a seemingly drunk company spokesman got around to clarifying that the actual problem was, ahem, "a technical clusterfuck."

Barack Obama convened the "first completely virtual interview from the White House" today in an attempt to connect directly with citizens. It turned out one of those citizens wanted the president to dance for her. Bet that never happens in the White House press room.

Long shot write-in Democratic presidential candidate and generally disliked media whore Randall Terry's bizarre quest to win supporters for his extreme anti-abortion agenda by assailing millions of Super Bowl viewers with a campaign commercial full of images of dead fetuses is not surprisingly meeting with oh, just a bit of resistance from at least one TV station in Chicago. While FCC rules dictate that local stations are required to air whatever insanity a federal candidate is willing to put in campaign ad form for 45 days leading up to a primary election, Chicago's NBC affiliate is trying to get around the requirement that it run Terry's commercial with the correct argument that the rules should not apply in this case since he is not, you know, an actual candidate.

A new week, a new bizarre story about Michelle Obama on the Drudge Report: "PAPER: Michelle Obama's shopping spree at luxury lingerie shop boosts sales..." The paper in question is the Sunday Telegraph, which declares that the first lady "has risked the wrath of cash-strapped Americans by indulging in a $50,000 shopping spree at Agent Provocateur." Is that, like, a million bras? Or what?

Snoop Dogg has posted this photo of Ron Paul with the text "SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY" overlaid and written "because i said so" in the caption, which may or may not be an endorsement, but if it is an endorsement then Ron Paul is not racist. [via Buzzfeed]

Don't be looking at me.

Did you guys watch Luck on HBO last night? Did you fall asleep like I did? Well, if you tuned in you saw the most exciting thing before the show even started: a new trailer for Game of Thrones.

Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus said something that many would interpret as sort of insane on television yesterday, comparing President Obama to the Italian cruise ship captain Francesco Schettino, who ran away like a little pussy while all those people on his boat were dying.

We're all adults here. It's time that we practiced a bit of brutal honesty. This is something that we—as a friend—feel that you should really know. Your baby is ugly.

I mean, what is that supposed to be? Chickens? When in Rome, I guess. (Or should I say China? lol)

The New York state legislature is considering a bill to raise the state's minimum wage to $8.50 an hour. The current minimum wage in New York is $7.25 per hour, which, at a standard 2000 hours per year, works out to a pre-tax income of $14,500.

I usually don't give a fuck about casting news, but when I saw that Shirley MacLaine was cast on Downton Abbey it seemed so awesomely perfect I thought for sure it had to be a prank. It isn't.

The Muppets are liberal. No, they are communists. This, according to the Fox Business Network's Eric Bolling, who went on a spiel last month decrying the latest Muppet film's choice of villain — a greedy Texas oilman, a common stock villain in Hollywood motion pictures. And now the Muppets have publicly acknowledged their sharp commie biases, by making a joke about how terrible a television channel Fox News is.

"Unfriend Finder" is a browser extension that lets you know when someone has defriended you on Facebook. It's a very useful piece of software, in the sense that if you ever want to install it you know your life has taken a wrong turn somewhere.

He knows just where to take that receipt.