L.A. authorities have "no desire" to prosecute Christina Aguilera for public intoxication. In a prepared statement, the Sheriff said Aguilera's arrest last night "was just for a public safety issue. When she was able to navigate and to think on her own and make her own way, she was released." Boyfriend Matthew Rutler may still be on the hook for a DUI. [People, image via Getty]
Washington news station MyFoxDC recently posted this frightening surveillance video of a Metro stop in October, during Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's "Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear." The downward escalator's brakes fail, throwing everyone into a human pile at the bottom. Six people were injured.
It's a promising day for humans! For one among us, New Jersey Rep. Rush Holt, has thwarted the march of the machines. That's right: Holt actually beat the IBM supercomputer Watson at Jeopardy! last night. So all that talk yesterday about how glad he was that his "humiliation" wouldn't be televised just served to lower expectations, knowing all along that he'd stomp that crappy robot. Hey IBM? It's time to throw Watson in the trash.
Rep. Darrell Issa, the retired car thief and current chair of the House's government oversight committee, has the power to investigate basically any corruption or wrongdoing or politically motivated witch hunt in the federal government. But now he'll have to handle an internal probe with his own spokesman, Kurt Bardella.
On last night's episode of what we Americans get instead of Downton Abbey because we don't deserve nice things, truths were unburied, passions were enflamed, and accounts were settled.
Women: always sneaking up behind men, trying to take our money. The latest confirmation comes from a new White House report on the "state of women," which confirms what you'd always suspected: women are catching up. Oh, they're still lagging—women make about 75% as much as men these days, for the same jobs—but they're creeping up from behind elsewhere. They're getting more college degrees! Getting married later in life (30, for college-educated women)! And the wise refusal to be dragged down by a family:
Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend got sloshed, then arrested, last night. An actress names her children "Ptolemy" and "Winter." Leonardo DiCaprio trades "tender" kisses with a man. Tuesday gossip spent the night in a drunk tank.
This actor is known for his good looks, but he only wants to get naked with really big girls. Who is the woman who Charlie Sheen says attacked him with a cocktail fork? All this, and an old blind item revealed!
Under pressure from campus LGBT groups, the New Brunswick campus of New Jersey's largest university has decided to make three of their dorms gender-neutral housing. Meaning, yes, boys and girls can live together in dry hump heaven.
According to a new article in the British Journal of Psychiatry, the rate of depressive disorders among men in Western countries is likely to increase greatly—possibly catching up with that of women, who are are currently twice as likely to be diagnosed with a depressive disorder. Are you a man? Don't worry! We have solutions for you.
If you accepted money from Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi (or any member of his family), now would be a good time to give it back. It's what Nelly Furtado is doing, anyway—the pop star Tweeted earlier that she received a million dollars from "the Qaddafi clan" to perform a show in Italy four years ago ("for guests at a hotel," she elaborated); in the same Tweet she wrote she planned to "donate" the money (to charity, one hopes). And while we obviously applaud her decision, it seems as though the best bet going forward, for Furtado as for all musicians, is to, you know, not perform shows for dictators or their families. In the meantime, we eagerly await responses from the following pop stars regarding the money that they received, at one time or another, from "the Qaddafi clan":
Watson, the IBM supercomputer know-it-all asshole that crushed its meager human competition a few weeks ago on Jeopardy!, has some new flesh-and-blood to feast on tonight: Four members of Congress. Unfortunately, the carnage won't be televised. Humans still have a tenuous control over the airwaves, which Watson's cold, dangerously self-aware claws have yet to conquer. And these humans don't want their humiliation broadcast across the country. C'mon, you four! We'd understand.
Senator Orrin Hatch is a mild-mannered elderly Mormon who's spent his career voting for liberal judges and working on legislation with liberal Democrats, for whom he writes beautiful songs when they die. But now he has to win a Republican primary in Utah by securing support from the Tea Party folks, who all hate him. What's his plan? Developing a potty mouth, just like the Common Man.
Pop music is in a rut of rip-offs: Lady Gaga rips off Madonna; Christina Aguilera and Rihanna rip off Gaga; Ke$ha rips off the rip-offs; and everybody claims it was "artistic inspiration." Well, Gigi Leung is here to tell you there ain't no knock-off like a Chinese knock-off, because Chinese knock-offs don't apologize.
