Do you think that the University of Chicago is just going to sit around like a bunch of lonely nerds while their crosstown rivals, Northwestern, hold hot live fucksaw demonstrations and Chet Haze concerts and brothel parties?

This well-known actor was sleeping with both of his costars on the set of their film. This actor refuses to work so he can watch basketball. And this actress is doing a member of the crew. Does anyone actually work on film sets?

As the United Nations voted last night to impose a no-fly zone over Libya, a totally sane Muammar Qaddafi sat down with a Portuguese TV news channel. He had some interesting things to say:

A new translation of the Bible has removed all instances of the word "booty." But that's not all! Several passages are retranslated using gender-neutral language. Some Christians, surprisingly, are not pleased.

A shocking—and sexxy—new study reveals: The vast majority of college-educated women didn't have lesbian sex in college, and same-sex experiences were most common among women without a high school diploma. Yes: Porn is lying to you.

Rebecca Black, star of the hugely popular and terrible "Friday" viral video, complained to The Daily Beast today about the mean things people are saying about her on the Internet: "Those hurtful comments really shocked me," she said. "At times, it feels like I'm being cyberbullied." And this was before 4chan launched "Operation Black Friday."

Police in Pennsylvania say they found "54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22" inside the vagina of one Karin Mackaliunas, 27, of Scranton. If this seems to you like a rather unwise place to keep one's heroin (or one's change, for that matter), know that Ms. Mackaliunas seems to have realized the same thing after only a brief period of time; she allegedly hid her contraband while being transported to the police station after being arrested for drug possession, but by the time she arrived at headquarters, it seems she was reconsidering her path of action:

It seems every other week brings news of some, usually female, celebrity's Twitter or Facebook page being taken over by hackers. It's possible they were all perpetrated by the same individual(s). According to TMZ, 50 celebrities have been targeted by a "hacking ring," which has broken into their computers and cell phones and stolen embarrassing pictures and videos. Scarlett Johansson supposedly had a nude picture stolen from her iPhone and Vanessa Hudgens met with the FBI yesterday over her own leaked nudes, according to TMZ.

Above is a real coupon for the Florida-based computer company CP Distributors. Yep, that's pedobear—the cuddly meme that makes fun of pedophiles. CP, of course, is short-hand for "child porn." Haw haw, a funny prank by a graphic designer.

Today we had a few technical problems, meaning we didn't post for a few hours and nobody's comments worked. Great! And it didn't escape you commenters' notice.

The U.N. Security council just voted 10-0 to impose a no-fly zone over Libya, authorizing "all necessary measures" to protect Libyan citizens. The announcement was met with cheers by rebels. The Qaddafi government's response: "Any foreign military act against Libya will expose all air and maritime traffic in the Mediterranean Sea to danger and civilian and military facilities will become targets of Libya's counter-attack."

What you are about to witness is the beginning of an urban legend.

A UN Security Council vote is expected to pass any moment, with 10 of 15 votes, authorizing the set-up of a no-fly zone and other intervention powers in Libya. Targeted military strikes could begin with hours.

Today is St. Patrick's Day! Before you go get completely shit faced on green beer, Guinness, and Jameson, there's one thing you need to do: Admit that you don't give a shit about St. Patrick's Day.

Top members of the Wisconsin Republican party went to pick up their checks for crushin' those unions at a Washington lobbyists' fundraiser yesterday. The event had been planned for a week, so pro-union protesters were ready to greet them. Here's a solid clip, via Salon, of the good-size crowd occupying the lobby of DC's Homer Building, headquarters of the firm Barbour, Griffith & Rogers. And yes, that "Barbour" does refer to the one and only Boss Hogg.

Branded as a revelatory scoop uncovering previously unknown donations from George Soros to NPR, James O'Keefe's latest sting on NPR was debunked as a non-story within hours of its release.

With federal authorities cracking down on predatory debit cards and overdraft fees, consumer banks are "scrambling" to find new sources for revenue. The solution: $5 ATM fees, which allows them to rob non-customers, instead. Quoth the Wall Street Journal,

Under overcast skies, the music portion of Austin's annual SXSW festival kicked off yesterday. While Wednesday is seen as more of a precursor to the higher profile headliners and bigger parties that the weekend brings, throngs of people turned up at the various venues and tents for the fest's launch. With free booze flowing thanks to all the sponsors who have descended on the event in recent years, we ducked into a handful of shows including an especially energetic set from Alabama rapper Yelawolf before capping off the evening with the live taping of MTVu's Woodie Awards.

Professional pollsters are just being mean to Sarah Palin now. Public Policy Polling finds that Charlie Sheen — "one of the most unpopular figures we've ever polled on" — tops Sarah Palin among independents in a presidential poll, 41-36.

Not to be immodest, but our research (reading the newspaper) indicated long ago that going to law school was a sucker move, for suckers. Why go to law school? All it is is racist beer pong and racist emails, and when you graduate your worthless degree won't get you a job, and you get all bitter and eventually find yourself in the comments of a Gawker post about law schools, telling me to fuck off for making fun of lawyers, because do I even appreciate what all the lawyers in history have done for the advancement of human freedom while I just sit around making jokes about something I don't even understand, asshole?