For the past few days, the Bronx Zoo has been running a poll to come up with a name for the cobra that went missing from the reptile exhibit and was found, still in the reptile exhibit, alive and well. Voters have spoken, and the snake will be called "Mia." Charming.

Things narcissists do to embarrass themselves on the internet: post embarrassing self-portraits on Facebook, beg websites to use cuter pictures of them, and edit their own Wikipedia pages.

A crack team of Harvard researchers have determined that "modern members of Congress spend about 27 percent of the time just taunting each other." That's much lower than we would have expected. It's great news!

If a government shutdown happens, it'll be because Republicans are demanding policy restrictions in addition to spending cuts before agreeing to fund the government through September. These policy restrictions would target abortion providers and seek to limit the reach of the Environmental Protection Agency.

Remember 'To Catch a Predator,' the awful festival of horror and shame from Dateline NBC that briefly captured America's heart in the mid-aughts? We thought we'd check in with the creepy internet vigilantes behind it, and guess what? They're broke.

Confederate racist ex-Senator George "Macaca" Allen is running to reclaim the Virginia Senate seat he lost in 2006 by being racist, or at least widely interpreted by everyone as such. But that's all over now! No more needless racial flare-ups on this campaign! Except for the comical one that just happened, and maybe more down the line.

Last night's episode of America's greatest shining whirligig took us on a tour of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, a ghost-filled place where musical legends will spend eternity in our greatest approximation of hell, the city of Cleveland.

Donald Trump's latest stop on his pretend presidential campaign that's solely designed to boost ratings for The Celebrity Apprentice was an interview with Meredith Vieira on this morning's Today show, where he discussed Barack Obama's birth certificate. He now has his own "investigators" in Hawaii digging around for it, and they "cannot believe what they're finding." That's hilarious. How is that not hilarious? Mitt Romney only wishes he'd thought of this first.

A new tsunami warning has been issued after a 7.4 magnitude aftershock hit off the coast of Japan, 73 miles from the nuclear plant at Fukushima. The Japan meteorological agency warned of a wave up to six feet. The tsunami generated by last month's 9.0 earthquake was estimated to be over 120 feet. [Image via AP]

Move over Jen Aniston, we have a new queen of sad jiltedness. And sadness, thy name is Bridget Moynihan. Also today: Two TV powerhouses are welcoming new children into their lives, LeBron's mom is in trouble, and Kanye likes the ladies.

This foodie star loves to give singers head—and there's a double helping today to prove it. This model is outing her ex-boyfriend. This actor has a problem with his penis. Maybe our chef can kiss it and make it better?

New Zealand's Hell Pizza chain is known for its offensive gimmicks, and the restaurant's newest campaign is doing a good job of keeping the tradition alive. Billboards have been appearing to promote the chain's Hell Cross Buns with a pentagram on the pastry and the slogan, "For a limited time. A bit like Jesus."

A 5,000-year-old skeleton was discovered in a Prague suburb, and archaeologists have declared him to be the first known "gay caveman" in history. That's because he was still wearing a pair of Tom Ford sunglasses. No, just kidding — it's because of how he was buried.

There will come a day in the not-so-distant future when Ryan Seacrest will squirm his way into every corner and every minute of your waking life. That day is, like, tomorrow. A story in The Hollywood Reporter estimates his 2011 gross income (maybe even net? He's like the GE of diminutive on-air personalities) will be somewhere in the vicinity of $55 million. How does that figure break down, exactly? Let's count the ways.

Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, we now have access to a thick FBI file detailing the agency's investigation into the 1997 shooting death of Christopher "Notorious B.I.G." Wallace. The case, which now falls under the jurisdiction of the LAPD, has famously run cold. But these documents, though heavily redacted, bring some interesting details to light—including ballistics evidence that further links evil former LAPD officer David Mack to the murder.

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert debuted a new series—"My Fair Colbert: Stephen Colbert's Crown Jewels"—in which he attempted to become more British ahead of the royal wedding. Up first: Colbert had high afternoon tea with British royal biographer Hugo Vickers—and by "had," I mean "ruined."

You can tell that a war zone has really gotten out of control when Geraldo Rivera shows up—and that's exactly what just happened in Libya. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart examined—and heartily mocked—Rivera's role in the conflict.

Glenn Beck announced his departure from Fox News on his show tonight. As it turns out, he is the Paul Revere of the 21st century, and this show was his "midnight ride." And now he is going back to silversmithing? Apparently? Also, there is something called "E4." Goodbye, Glenn! We'll miss you, and your bizarre attempts at gravity.

Bobby Titcomb, a close friend of President Obama, was arrested on Monday evening in a Honolulu prostitution sting that used a fake escort website.

Ever since Larry King departed CNN, the talk show legend has had a hard time finding things to fill his time—which is probably why he (and wife Shawn) agreed to shill for BreathGemz in this classically cheesy infomercial. [AdAge]