María de la Paz Elizabeth Sofía Adriana de la Huerta—known to mere mortals as actress Paz de la Huerta—has been charged with third-degree assault, attempted assault, harassment, and criminal possession of a weapon for a bar brawl with MTV reality star Samantha Swetra.

It only took the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee four days to put together an ad blaring "REPUBLICANS voted to END Medicare," and we should expect to see a new one every four days or so through the 2012 elections. In this first one, we see an old man on a scooter working a lemonade stand and mowing lawns to pay his private health insurance premiums. Next thing you know, he's a fireman-themed stripper at a bachelorette party, dancing with all the sexy lady folk. How is this last part a bad thing, Democrats?

Evan Rachel Wood wants you to know that she sometimes dates women. Lindsay Lohan uses Good Friday to get out of court. Lea Michele pulls a bitch move at Coachella. Nic Cage goes back to work. Tuesday gossip is single and ready to mingle.

In a new profile in Details magazine for totally straight dudes, the former Governator's 17-year-old son Patrick, already a shirtless squeal sensation, talks about his plans for the future—in the worlds of business and love. How precocious!

This actor got it on with someone on his family tree—but not too closely related. This singer lets her friends impersonate her. This actress has a problem with her cheating ex. And this couple is on the verge of divorce. There's nothing worse than breaking up a family.

Lawmakers in Iran have proposed a bill that would make it illegal to own dogs because they're filthy and gross, according to a new report in Time. A leading cleric in the past has publicly denounced "short-legged" and "holdable" canines, and, if the law passes, the government could soon begin confiscating dogs from their owners. But there's more to it than just trying to keep the country's streets clean:

On April 6, Donald Trump learned that he had come out of nowhere to tie for second place in the GOP nomination race. The next day, he did what any bona fide contender would: He filed a trademark application for a new Trump-branded line of bath salts.

The Taco Bell lawsuit that caused a nation to stare down at the half-eaten Gorditas in their hands and question the true nature of the oily, meat-like substance that filled them has been withdrawn.

Tonight, Lifetime continued its grand tradition of providing the public with tacky made-for-TV movies with the premiere of William & Kate, a supposedly accurate chronology of the romance that will culminate with next week's royal wedding.

Cursing, as everyone knows, is awesome. But it's more than that! It's also, according to a new study, a painkiller.

Those of you wishing you were on spring break—a relaxing spring break not involving flashing or tequila—should enjoy this stunning time-lapse video taken from the top of the Canary Islands' El Teide Mountain. Put it on full screen and it's almost like your soul isn't being crushed mercilessly under the boot heel of late-stage capitalism! [via Laughing Squid]

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer has finally discovered a law too stupid for her own, stupid state! Namely, the "Guns on Campus Bill," which she vetoed because it was "very sloppily written and drafted." And! She vetoed the "birther bill"!

Insane murderous texting fiend Charles Manson gave an interview to the Spanish Vanity Fair, because, well, why not? And he has a very important message for us all!

What's going on France these days, besides making sure that women only wear French-approved clothing? Let's check in on Avignon (onetime home of the pope!), where the infamous "Immersion (Piss Christ)"—depicting an allegedly urine-dipped crucifix—is currently on display:

Raped, bullied, stalked, leered at, sneered at: Kiki Kannibal is the much-reviled teen Internet celebrity that launched a thousand scathing blog comments. This is no way to become famous.

Just when America's stricken media industry thought it finally caught a windfall in royal wedding hoopla—Collector's edition magazines! Bridezilla-bait TV specials! Ads for Rogaine!—Page Six reports this:

House Speaker John Boehner has a message for Mexicans: Drop dead. No, we're sure he loves the Mexicans. But not enough to throw them, and Americans of Mexican heritage, a Capitol Hill party for Cinco de Mayo.

A favorite child actress from the early 1990s is returning to the screen in an exciting new project. Also today: two book-to-movie fantasy pictures have found their able directors, some big Hunger Games casting is announced, and Winona Ryder gets her own Black Swan.

Just a week after we learned of a baby who got drunk at Applebee's and a toddler who got soused at Olive Garden comes the story of Brooklyn Davis, a four year-old who got hammered at a Chili's outside of Chicago. Three is a trend!

Outgoing U.S. Ambassador to China Jon Huntsman, the moderate Republican ex-governor of Utah who thinks he can win a GOP presidential primary after a two-year stint working for President Obama, is facing more conservative mockery after his 2009 "love letter" to the president was leaked last week to Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller. Who could have leaked a private handwritten note to President Obama only? We'll let you gumshoes figure that one out!