Well! Last night's episode of Professor J.J. Blunderful's Mysterious Song Machine was certainly a doozy, wasn't it? Quite the dramatic episode of television, was it not? Everyone was singing their guts out, spilling them on the floor, blood and other viscera soaking the stage. Gross!
George W. Bush turned down an Obama administration invitation to appear by his side at Ground Zero today, claiming he wants to stay out of the spotlight and that he already plans to be there for the 10th anniversary memorial in September. Fair enough! But this doesn't mean Team Bush won't leak bitchy comments to the Daily News just in time for Obama's visit, anyway.
Kate Middleton's sister usurps Prince Harry as "royal sibling most likely to dance on a banquette." Jesse James hints that Sandra Bullock wasn't that great in bed. Marie Osmond remarries her ex-husband. Thursday gossip knows how to party.
This young matinee idol gets a kick out of showing his costars naked pics of himself. This secretly lesbian duo has a film role together. And this American Idol is a terror to work with. Yup, never meet your idols.
It's baby-name time! The Social Security Administration has released the top baby names of 2010. People still love naming their kids after popular movie and TV shows!
White House photographer Pete Souza's great picture from the Situation Room during the raid on Osama bin Laden's "hideout" left us all wondering: "but what does it all mean?" Speaking to reporters in Rome today, Hillary Clinton answered questions about the photograph, saying she has "no idea" what was going on when the picture was taken.
There's been a theory circulating for some time now around the scientific and semen-loving communities, which proposes that that man-made substance can reduce depression. A sex columnist at Popular Science's website decided to investigate if the claims might be true — and good news, ladies-and-certain-gentlemen: It just might!
OsamaBreak™. Back to the royal wedding for a moment, shall we? Remember Princess Beatrice's ridiculous hat? Sure you do. It was on the fast-track to becoming the next great meme. Cats were jumping out of it, it was lording over Mordor — we were just getting cooking! Now it's all "fake death photo" this and that. (Though kudos to the visionary Photoshopper who dared to collide the two worlds in the mash-up above.)
We'll never know for certain what Martin Luther King, Jr. would have said about the killing of Osama bin Laden — but luckily, we still have the 14th Dalai Lama to turn to for spiritually elevated words of pacifism and tolerance in these rootin' tootin' times. So what are those words? Well, that Bin Laden kind of had it coming.
Stephen Colbert used the Report tonight to draw attention to the storms that devastated the South last week. One problem: All the weather talk made Colbert have to pee, but he couldn't find the key to the bathroom. So he set out to find it—and bumped into both David Letterman and Katie Couric in the process.
Feeling patriotic? Stop drinking that sickening imported swill right now, and brew the most American beer of all time: George Washington's beer, made from a recipe he wrote in his Notebook as a Virginia Colonel.
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart made his case for the release of the Osama bin Laden death photos. After pointing out that Americans see gruesome images every night on television, Stewart became more serious: "Maybe we should always show pictures... we can only make decisions about war if we see what war actually is."
Here's the first trailer for the big Conan the Barbarian reboot. It looks... well, it looks exactly like a Conan the Barbarian movie. So, that's probably a good thing.
Today, in news from Germany: A 24-year-old man looking for a shortcut somehow managed to trap himself in a women's prison, only to be rescued by a passing cyclist, and the town mayor, who was apparently taking a jail-side constitutional. The police, The Guardian reports, believed a jailbreak was taking place, until one of the guards recognized the mayor and quickly freed their errant prisoner. Apparently, the man had imprisoned himself by "entering a metal door on the outside of the prison, only for it to close behind him"; an examination revealed that the door "had not closed properly" thanks to a "wobbly" bolt. "We see this... as something to laugh about," said Ministry for Justice Spokesman Georg Wessling. Indeed. [Guardian]
Turns out that Bin Laden's guards didn't put up much of a fight—and that those helmet cams didn't work very well. Obama won't release Bin Laden's death pic, so a disappointed nation drowns their bloodlust in fakes. The SEALS that did the deed remain in hiding, and the crazy Bin Laden hunter wants his reward. It's day three of our post-Osama world, with updates.
"Oh no," I thought to looking at the picture at left. "Someone mixed up the Palin girls, and labeled this one 'Bristol Palin.'" But lo! The female at left really is Bristol Palin. And so is the female at right. Did our beloved Teen Mom 2: Republican Boogaloo star use some of that abstinence advocacy money on plastic surgery? Or is her new face the product of normal weight fluctuation? Update: Bristol admits she had surgery, is "thrilled" with new face.
Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist always wanted to be president, and was in the hunt to be John McCain's vice presidential candidate in 2008. Then the Tea Party emerged and threw his 2010 moderate-Republican campaign for Senate off the tracks. Now he's just another liberal plaintiffs' attorney plugging personal injury services, in Florida. Watch his TV ad and cry! [via RealClearPolitics]
It's been said of many a reality television show before, but might Celebrity Wife Swap finally destroy us? Also today: Snow White finds her prince, Project Runway brings back some old friends, and, what's this, NBC might actually have a popular show??
